A Fine Parent

Who taught you about the birds and the bees?

Maybe your parents had an awkward conversation with you or handed you a book to read. Maybe you got bits and pieces of information from your friends. Or maybe you learned from sex education class in school.

Have you thought about when you’ll have the “talk” with your child? And how much information you’ll share at different times?

Will you be proactive to teach your child about sex and puberty?

You may be thinking, my kids are little!  This is not something I need to think about yet!

I thought that, too. My four kids are ages 10 and under and I didn’t think much about it. I thought I had years to go.

I was wrong.

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The days are getting shorter. Ads for notebooks and backpacks are showing up in my inbox. Amazon sent me a personal invitation into their #2 pencil emporium. The frenzy of summer is coming to a close and a whole different frenzy is about to begin.

It’s the start of the School Year.

Nooooooo! My children cry in horror, seeing a crisp, new notebook peeking out of our shopping bag.

For some of us this is old hat. We’ve been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

For others, this is the first time you are sending your precious babies out into the cold, cruel world of school.

As a mom of 9 and 12 year old boys and the Director of Admission of a preschool, I’ve seen this day from many different sides and angles. Here are 5 bits of wisdom that we, the teachers and school staff, would like every parent to know irrespective of whether this is your first ever first-day-of-school, or you are a practiced veteran.

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If I asked parents how they would like their children to turn out I am pretty sure that being kind and compassionate would be pretty close to the top of their list.

We all wish this for our children and we all worry when we see signs of entitlement, or notice our children struggling to get on well with others.

We feel that, at some age, we should teach our children that not everyone in our world is as lucky as them to be clothed, fed, and with a roof over their heads. We hope that they will grow up to care about others, and to help make the world a better place.

A few mornings ago, my six-year-old daughter woke up and demanded “water!’’ in an agitated, frustrated kind of voice. My first reaction was to grit my teeth and to ask myself why she was acting so ‘entitled.’

To make me even more upset, I’d come across an article awhile ago about how if our child asks us to do things that they can easily do themselves then this could be a sign of entitlement.

However a few seconds into my thought process I calmed down and reflected on what was really going on here.

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Parenting is a risky business—being in charge of another little human is no joke.

Finding ways to allow your kids to take a few risks, however, is an infinitely more daunting challenge. And yet, it might just be one of the best ways to spark your child’s development.

Last winter, we took our boys sledding in a nearby national park. The setting was lovely and there was an area specially designed for sledding. However, it is still a national park so there were a few trees nearby (mostly off to the side of the sledding area).

My 4-year-old son is at the age where he wants to do everything himself, especially any activities his 8-year-old brother does. He’s pretty coordinated so after he begged and demanded we decided to let him try sledding by himself on the sled that has handles for steering and slowing down.

We explained how the handles worked and he was excited to try this new, exciting endeavor on his own. We, of course, explained to steer away from the trees.

His first time out, he slid off the course slightly and between two trees (a gap of only about 3 feet!) and landed in a ditch. Not bad, but it made my heart race a bit. We reiterated our instructions about steering away from the trees and let him try one more time.

This time, he ran right into a tree! Luckily, he was not injured but the sled was cracked. I, on the other hand, had a series of small heart-attacks as I watched this unfold.

We rushed over to make sure our son was not hurt and the first thing he said was, “I want to do it again!”

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Many times I’ve looked over at the mom with the quiet well-mannered kids and wondered, “Am I the only one who’s a mess? Why does every other mother seem to have it together?”

As a freelance writer with ten years of experience and counseling psychology graduate degree, I knew how to listen and be empathetic.

But all I knew about “parenting strategies” consisted of time out tactics and the “children should be seen and not heard” mindset I had been raised in.

After spending much of 2017 researching parenting techniques, I gleaned an alternative, which was less about discipline and more about connection. Surprisingly, I learned it’s not getting your kids to listen, but it’s improving your relationship that turns out to be the winning strategy.

However, even though I am a stay-at-home mom now, I worry about how much quality time I’m spending with my son. So that became my next quest.

Here are the 9 things I learned about improving my connection with kids.

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