A Fine Parent

Imagine this –

A three-year-old boy gets angry while playing a game with his friends and hits another child hard and pushes him down.

The mom comes and gives the aggressive child a hug and asks him politely not to hit his friends, and then returns to her table where she was sitting.

A few moments later, the child repeats the offense.

These are the kinds of scenarios dreamed up by those who say positive parenting doesn’t work.

At the heart of their disdain for positive parenting is the ill-conceived belief that positive parenting is permissive parenting.

They believe that positive parents fail to set boundaries, let children make and break the rules, and decline any discipline whatsoever.

And they think we try to solve every problem with a hug, are afraid of upsetting our snowflakes, and just want to be our child’s friend.

I’m sure you’ve heard this rhetoric before.

Let’s set the record straight and define what positive parenting really is and how it differs from permissive parenting. [Read More…]

At the beginning of summer, when the weather was heating up, I walked into my 11-year-old son’s room to find his windows smeared with something gunky.

What craziness was this? I felt my eyebrows raise and then pinch together. My lips pursed.

Luckily, my curiosity as to what on earth he’d been up to won over my frustration over the mess he’d made.

So I asked him. “What have you done to your windows?”

He replied, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, “I put sunscreen on them.”

My face must have shown the disbelief and even the dismay I felt. He began to falter, noticing my reaction.“Would that not work?” His face fell. “Sorry, Mummy.”

I opened my eyes wider and hesitated for a moment, caught between anger and incredulity. I very nearly snapped, shouted, and made him feel small. Thankfully, in the nick of time, I caught myself, remembered my Parenting Superpowers… and smiled. [Read More…]

For weeks my children begged and pleaded to start karate. I finally caved in and signed them up for classes.

On the first day, the five-year-old stayed glued to my left leg for the entire 45-minute class, while the seven-year-old sunk to the back corner of his class and barely participated.

We went on this way for a WEEK!

They started asking to discontinue the karate classes, but I’d already paid for the first month.

I continued to take them.

And then slowly but surely, they started drifting to the middle of the class. They started remembering the moves and yelling their “HI-YAH” s along with everybody else.

Now they look forward to their classes and practice everywhere they go!

As parents, encouraging our children to have the courage to embrace their interests and helping them to try out new things they aren’t good at yet, isn’t always an easy task.

It is something we ALL have to do at some point or another, though.

It is a crucial step in helping our kids get comfortable in their own skin and having the fortitude to get past uncomfortable situations.

Here are a few other ways to raise kids who are comfortable in their own skin:

[Read More…]

Kids take things for granted: the food they eat, the clothes they wear, their toys, trips, extracurriculars.

And why wouldn’t they? For most kids, food appears when they are hungry, there are clothes in the closet, and a list for Santa is an annual tradition.

How do we teach our kids to be grateful, especially for the things they take for granted?

My kids say thank you for meals at dinnertime mainly because it has been drilled into them since they first sat in a highchair: you thank the person who provides you with food. Same with thanking gift-givers and treat providers. “What do you say to Grammie for that baseball?” In fact, teaching please and thank you becomes so ingrained as a parent that you might find yourself, as I often did, catching yourself saying “What do you say…?” before the kids have time to even spit out their thanks.

When my kids were three or four I was so proud of them when they piped out a “thank you” without prompting I’d heave a little internal sigh: at least I’ve done something right as a parent!

But gratitude, as we all know, goes way beyond mouthing thanks for the things we are given.

[Read More…]

I have to admit. Of all the challenges that I am facing as a parent – as an aspiring positive parent – communication is by far the most difficult for me.

For some, positive parenting comes easy and naturally. For others, (like myself) it is a constant struggle and a huge shift in mindset.

Wouldn’t life be easier if there were a positive parenting guide that tells us exactly what to say in any given situation?

I have come to realize that children are a beautiful blend of intelligence, honesty, curiosity, bluntness, sensitivity, empathy and so much more. They understand things and pick up on cues more than we adults realize. One lesson that I have learned is to never underestimate your child.

One of the greatest tools at our disposal as a parent is the ‘power of words.’ Words – how they are used and the way we communicate with our children – can have a ‘make it or break it’ effect. They can either uplift a child who is feeling down and give them that boost of self-confidence or they can crush a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem massively.

Following is a list of phrases that we usually say which are better avoided, and what to say instead. I have also delved a bit into the ‘why’ aspect of these phrases so you can have a better understanding of just how these words impact our children. I hope you will find this as informative and useful as I have and that it will lead you to nurture your child in a better and more positive manner.

Here we go – [Read More…]