Blog - A Fine Parent

What Michael Phelps Can Teach us About Eliminating Power Struggles With Our Kids

by Sumitha Bhandarkar.
(This article is part of the Habits series. Get free article updates here.)

(This article is part of our series on Habits.)

Michael was a restless and hyperactive kid. One of his elementary school teachers impatiently complained to his mom – “I just don’t ever see him being able to focus on anything in his life”. In 6^th grade, he was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

And yet, today we know him as the Michael Phelps – the most decorated, legendary Olympian of all times who has to his credit 18 gold medals (twice as many as the next highest gold medal holder!), 2 silver medals and 2 bronze medals.

Ever wonder how Michael may have gone from a hyperactive kid to a laser focused Olympic gold winning phenomenon? You should. In his super achievements, lies a simple secret… the secret that can help us eliminate the biggest headache of parents around the world – power struggles!

The Secret

[Read more…]

The Truth About the Glamorous Life: By Rock and Roll Dad Mark Hermann

by guest_author.
(This article is part of the Inspiring Stories series. Get free article updates here.)

(This article is a part of our series on Inspiring Stories and is a gracious contribution by Mark Hermann from Rock and Roll Zen. Please contact me if you have a great story to share with our fine parents community!)

It’s been a wild and crazy ride in the 51 years of life I’ve lived so far as a creative spirit.

I’ve toured the world with real rock stars including Foreigner and Joe Walsh and gotten a taste of the life that goes along with it. I’ve felt the elation of playing my own music in a big arena, written songs that were placed in TV shows and films and produced Grammy nominated artists. It’s been cool. And though it hasn’t always exactly been a walk in the park, it certainly hasn’t been boring.

But without a doubt, my proudest accomplishment is my family.

With all the ups and downs and shifting sands that define the life of an artist, my family reminds me each and every day what it means to keep it real.

Like when my 4-year old son would rather do his best to tear the strings off my guitar rather than actually learn how to play it when I attempt to show him something. Or when my 9-year old daughter, who refuses to listen to anything else but Harry Potter audio books day and night, asks me who is Bruno Mars? (Whose kids are these anyway?) Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But life wasn’t always like this.
[Read more…]

How to Prepare Your Kids to Deal Effectively With Setbacks and Failures

by Sumitha Bhandarkar.
(This article is part of the Mindset series. Get free article updates here.)

(This article is part of our series on Mindset.)

As you watch your child take on something new, how many of you silently pray “Oh gosh, please, please let him not fail”?

It’s the natural parenting instinct in us.

Most of us do this, even though we know that statistically, there is no way anyone can go through their life without failing a few times. And we do it in spite of understanding at some level that a few setbacks may actually be good for for our kids – to learn perseverance, grit, resilience; to build character and to feel a deep fulfilling satisfaction when they succeed.

So, given that our kids will fail at some time or the other, and failure is in some sense necessary for them (and that we have a very weak stomach for it), how can we respond appropriately in case of setbacks and failures, so we can teach our kids to deal with them effectively?

That is the question we will deal with today. [Read more…]

How to Praise Your Kids the Right Way Without Spoiling Them in the Process

by Sumitha Bhandarkar.
(This article is part of the Mindset series. Get free article updates here.)

You’re a good parent. You want to help your kids grow up to be happy and successful. So, when you notice them doing something right, you jump in with praise and encouragement.

“Good job!”

“That’s brilliant!”

“You’re awesome! Way to go!”

But is all that encouragement doing what it’s supposed to? Does praising children this way send the right message?

Turns out the answer is, yes and no.

You’ve got the first part right – as parents we are our children’s first and foremost cheerleaders. Our children need to hear encouragement from us to go on to have a healthy level of self-confidence and eventually a healthy self-esteem.

The key however, is to understand what kind of praise is appropriate in which situation.

Think of praise as water. [Read more…]

How to Be the Person That You Want Your Child to Grow Up to Be

by Sumitha Bhandarkar.
(This article is part of the Mindset series. Get free article updates here.)

(This article is part of our series on Mindset.)

Admit it. Irrespective of whether you are confident or not about your parenting, you wonder at times — am I parenting the right way?

Being a parent puts a lot of pressure on most of us. Raising kids is a responsibility that is both marvelously uplifting and crushingly stressful. Kids have this amazing ability to bring out the best, and the worst in us, in a heartbeat. We are pillars of strength one minute, and brought down to our knees by our weaknesses the next.

If you’ve been parenting for any length at all, you know that there is no one single parenting style or philosophy that can quite address the breadth of our aspirations or the depth of fears in its entirety.

So of course there isn’t one simple straightforward answer to the question of whether we are parenting the right way… and sadly, that often keeps us spinning our wheels.

Which is why, I find Brené Brown’s take on this in the book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, very captivating. In Brene’s words,

The question isn’t so much “Are you parenting the right way?” as it is: “Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?”

For many of us however, the answer comes up as “No”. Knowing all our flaws and imperfections intimately, many of us want much more for our kids and [Read more…]