How do they do it?

How do siblings go from playing perfectly to fighting furiously, in a matter of seconds?

Not only is the shift quick and pronounced, but kids seem to have a built-in timer. They know the exact moment you sit down for a quiet cuppa — that moment when you relax, and it seems so hard to get out of your chair.

And you wonder why the peace was shattered, and how the change happened so suddenly.

And then you remember: nobody can fight like family.

It’s sibling rivalry, it drives parents nuts, and it’s inevitable if you’ve got more than one child in your home.

So how do you handle it, without losing your cool and making the situation a whole lot worse?

There are probably loads of ways, but here are some tactics well suited for those of us striving to be positive parents that I’ve tried and can vouch for:
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Let’s fast forward 20 years. Let’s say it’s just before the holidays. One of your kids, all grown up, is having a cup of coffee (or a mug of beer) with a friend.

Do you think your son/daughter will talk excitedly about going home for the holidays — maybe introducing a “special” friend to you for the first time or bringing the grandkids over for quality time with the grandparents?

Or… will they be griping about how they could not get out of the family get together obligation, and can’t wait for it to be done with?

20 years from now, you can’t do much to change the situation. If you want to make sure it’s the first scenario, the time to do something about it is now.

Home and Family… by themselves, these have no special draw. It’s the warmth that we associate with these things that make them special. So, this week, let’s focus on some simple family bonding activities. Here is a comprehensive list – pick 2-3 new ways that you can try out with your family right away.

OK, here we go –
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OK, show of hands.

How many of you worry that your marriage may be a bit on a downward slide?

It’s not like it’s on a deathbed. But you fight a little too much. You share tender intimacies a lot less. Everything, and I mean everything, is brisk and business-like.

You lay awake at night wondering what happened. How did you get to this point?

And how on earth do you get back?

Our Story

We found ourselves in that exact spot a couple of years back. I desperately wanted to change things but had no clue where to start. So I just let things be — sliding slowly down into the dreaded unknown that I didn’t want to face.

Until one day, a family medical emergency jerked me out of it. It was the kind that shakes you up and shifts the way you look at life. A lot of things in my life changed after that incident. Our marriage was one of the big ones.

Here are some of the lessons I learned along the way. I hope it will nudge some of you to stop fighting and start loving again. [Read more…]

How would you describe your family – Strong? Or, Dysfunctional?

When shit hits the fan (and it will for every family at some point or the other), does everybody in your family put their heads together to find a solution, or do all of you lose your heads and run around like headless chicken?

Twenty years from now, during the holidays, will the kids be making excuses at work so they can spend more time at the family get together, or will they be making excuses to you about work so they can escape the get together?

What makes some families strong and close-knit while others are dysfunctional? How can we make sure our families are in the first category and not the second?

As it turns out, at the core, every strong, close-knit family has the same set of uncompromisable rules that holds them together. Dysfunctional ones on the other hand… well, you know how that goes. To quote Leo Tolstoy –

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Before we can even start looking at these core rules however, we have to first tackle a very important question….

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