You know the easiest way to get the stress out of parenting?
Find the one situation that constantly causes friction and figure out how to make it go smoother.
That’s it. The rest will simply follow suit.
To us, it was the mornings.
Getting an entire family up, dressed, fed and out the door before the sun even comes up could easily be a recipe for disaster (or at least a meltdown or two!) And, I have two kids under the age of 3 that go to two different schools 30 minutes away from our house.
Believe me we have our share of morning meltdowns but I’ve spent some time really working on managing the morning routine for our kids and setting the whole family up to start the day off full of light and happiness rather than whining and misery.
These things have worked really well for our family and hopefully they will help you to start your day off on the right track as well.
1. Make sure everyone is getting enough sleep.
OK, before we even start looking at the morning routine for kids, we need to address the elephant in the room. It seems obvious and we’ve all heard it before, but the importance of sleep cannot be overstated.
Are your kids getting enough sleep?
Here is a handy chart that breaks down how much sleep kids need depending on their age. You can determine your child’s appropriate bedtime by subtracting the number of hours from the time you need to wake them up in order to get out the door in time.
So, for a two year old who needs to be up by 7am, they need to be in bed by 7pm.
If you have little ones who refuse to sleep, check out these handy guides –
- How to Get Your Child to Sleep (Really!)
- Bedroom Colors that Promote Peaceful Sleep
- Gentle Baby & Toddler Sleep Solutions
2. Prepare the night before.
Now that everyone is getting enough sleep the next step is to try to minimize the number of responsibilities everyone has in the morning.
- Prepare breakfast the night before. I’m surprised that more parents don’t already do this! Here are a few awesome resources to get started –
- Pack lunches. Have you tried bento boxes? Young kids love them and they keep things interesting, not to mention relatively easy to fix. There are tons of simple ideas on pinterest and one of my favorite sites for lunch ideas is Weelicious.
- Choose clothes. Let your child pick out their own clothes the night before or keep a selection of appropriate school clothes at their level so they can quickly choose their outfit in the morning. Involving your child in this decision-making process is a great way to give them a little control over their morning routine.
- Assign a box/hook/shelf for all of the school essentials so you aren’t searching for backpacks, shoes, lunch boxes etc. each morning. Tip: Assign a place for your briefcase/keys/wallet/phone as well.
3. Get up before your kids.
If you set your alarm for at least 15 – 30 minutes before your kids wake up, establishing a morning routine for kids becomes so much easier and you’ll be setting the whole family up for a successful morning. Ideally you will be showered, dressed, packed up for the day and the most important of all, CAFFEINATED!
Just like children, adults benefit from a regular routine. Consider creating a morning ritual that helps you start your day off well before your kids even wake up.
In our house we go so far as to load up all of our things in the car before we even get the kids up so that we aren’t searching for our briefcase or purse at the last minute along with trying to load up the kids.
It is hard to encourage your kids to prepare ahead of time or keep all of their things in a designated place if you are spending every morning shouting “where’s my phone?” to your spouse.
4. Make a morning routine chart.
If you have younger kids use pictures instead of just words in your morning routine chart and include all of the things that need to get done like:
- Brushing teeth
- Combing hair
- Washing face
- Getting dressed
- Eating Breakfast
- Putting shoes on
- Grab backpack/lunchbox
- Head out the door
Once you have picked a morning routine for kids, go through all of the steps with them talking about each step as you go along your morning. This will help you recognize any glitches or perhaps the need to re-order some of the steps.
Throughout the morning routine, encourage your child to take ownership of these tasks and try not to do everything for them. It might be quicker in the short term to put their pants on for them but you will just contribute to a power struggle that you will pay for in time and frustration down the road.
Any child who is self-sufficient, who can tie his shoes, dress or undress himself, reflects in his joy and sense of achievement the image of human dignity, which is derived from a sense of independence.
–Maria Montessori
Here are a few great resources for establishing Montessori inspired morning routine for kids –
- 8 Tips for Making a Montessori Dressing Corner for Your Child
- Tips for Teaching a Child Dressing Skills
Is your morning routine just not working no matter what you try? Maybe your kids have some catching up to do in their Executive Skills development!Dr. Dawson, winner of the Lifetime Achievement Award for the National Association of School Psychologists, specifically discusses the example of a morning routine in our “Executive Skills” Masterclass to explain this! This packed masterclass is one of the 60+ masterclasses you get when you join the AFineParent Academy. Click here to get INSTANT access now!5. Put the “When … Then” approach to use.
One of my favorite parenting tools is the “when… then” approach as described by Amy McCready of Positive Parenting Solutions.
A When-Then Routine is a tool to help your kids stay motivated to get everything done in the morning—even the “yucky” stuff like brushing teeth and getting dressed. It structures your morning so that all the not-so-fun tasks are completed before the most desirable part of the morning like breakfast (or morning playtime, TV time, etc.).
Identify one thing that your child loves about morning time and make that thing contingent on them being done with the rest of the things on their morning routine checklist. For example, “when you get dressed, brush your teeth and make your bed, then we have breakfast.”
The “when… then” approach works wonders in our house. It is great because it doesn’t really give the child any other options. You come at it with the attitude that it doesn’t really matter to you either way.
If they want breakfast then they have to do those things first and if they choose not to then they will suffer the natural consequence of being hungry and likely won’t make the same decision the next time.
Just be sure to pick something where you can stay firm and don’t cave, otherwise you will render the “when… then” useless.
6. Remain calm and connected.
Your kids can sense when you are rushed and frantic and they will slow down and resist. If you are following all of the tips above you shouldn’t be rushed but things can come up at the last minute.
When you feel yourself becoming frazzled, get down on the same level with your child and explain to them why you need their help in that moment and give them a task to take ownership of.
Kids tend to mirror your actions and tone so if you find yourself yelling a lot in the morning or showing frustration in physical ways (pointing, huffing and puffing etc.), try to really focus on your attitude and use a calm voice.
One trick that we have found especially helpful is to almost whisper when you find yourself getting frustrated. This will help you remember to use a calm voice rather than raising your voice or yelling.
Getting ready and getting everyone out the door in the morning is a task for the whole family and all members of the family need to contribute to this effort.
Here are some great resources to get out the door without resorting to yelling matches –
- How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
- How to Stay Calm When You Are Losing It
- How to Keep Yourself From Yelling at Kids Even When You are Hopping Mad
7. Make weekends special.
It’s a good idea not to stray too much from the routine on the weekends. Please still make sure that your kids are getting enough sleep but you can enjoy the more relaxed pace by making a special breakfast or having story time before doing the usual routine like brushing teeth and brushing hair. You can even start a special weekend tradition like pancakes or family time watching cartoons.
In our house we always go to the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings and even our young toddler really looks forward to this special morning that happens only once a week. She is always excited about picking out her clothes (usually a raincoat and boots in Oregon) and dreaming up all of the delicious things we will find at the market.
Each member of the family has their special treat that we look forward to: the one year old eats his weight in berries, the toddler gets a honey stick or fresh pastry, and the adults get local freshly brewed espresso. The whole family looks forward to these mornings so we are all motivated to get up and get out the door and start our weekend feeling energized and excited to spend time together as a family.
Trying to establish a morning routine for kids that actually works may seem in the beginning like a lot of effort, but the ease with which (most of) our mornings flow these days has made the effort well worth it.
Instead of being the most stressful time of the day, our mornings are now a whole lot calmer and set the pace for a beautiful day ahead.
What more can you want from life? 🙂
The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents
Here are our quick contemplation questions for today –
- Do you have a morning routine for kids? Is it actually working for you? Could you benefit from tweaking it or printing out a morning routine chart to implement it with your family?
- Is there something you are cramming into your morning routine that could be done the night before (eg., choosing your clothes or your child’s clothes, preparing either partially or completely your next day’s breakfast/lunch, getting the backpacks/briefcase ready etc.)?
- Are you giving yourself enough time to completely wake up (and have that much needed cup of coffee in peace!) before the kids wake up?
Of course, as always, there are no right or wrong answers. The aim of these questions is to simply help you figure out where you are, and what you can change, to make mornings a great time of the day for you and your entire family!
The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents
Examine your family’s sleep schedule and make sure that all members are getting an appropriate amount of sleep. If not, adjust your obligations and activities so that everyone is getting to bed on time. After a few weeks of getting enough sleep look back and see if you have noticed an easier morning routine with your kids.
Spend some time as a family discussing the importance of working together to get everyone out the door in the morning in a joyful mood. Get buy-in from all family members when creating your morning routine chart and then reference it regularly. Then, work together to plan a fun “off” morning for the weekend that everyone will look forward to.
Just when i needed to know this !! I am going to work full time very soon… 🙂
Thanks a lot for sharing !!
So happy to know the timing was in your favor, Aparna! The transition to working full time may be a bit hard at first but as long as you give yourself and your kids grace, and hold on to a sense of humor when things don’t go as planned, things will eventually fall in place 🙂 Good luck to you!
I love these ideas. Mornings are tough on me because of my chronic illness so I do many of these to help mornings go smoother. I love the handy links to make ahead breakfasts! I hope you will link up with our #SmallVictoriesSunday linkup that is now open. Link up to 3 posts to inspire others to read, cook, and live and blog well. Posts like this one are perfect!
Thanks for your kind words, Tanya. Sorry to read about your rheumatoid arthritis but so happy to see that instead of letting it bog you down, you’ve chosen to share the small victories on your blog as you raise your 3 kids and inspire others to chin up as well. That’s so motivating. Keep up the great work!
Fabulous ideas-and great links! I want to try some of those breakfast recipes.
Right? I’ve promised myself that I’ll try making some of those healthy breakfast bars at home. I don’t know when though. When you try some of those recipes, let me know how it goes… maybe that will kick me into action 😉
Just made mini veggie quiche- I mixed leftover fried veggies with eggs, flour, and salt, and baked them in little ready made pie shells. Yum!
Mmmmm… that does sound yummm (especially right now — it’s lunch time here and I haven’t yet figured out what to eat 😉 )
Sounds nice! Was it good?
For us it was a matter of narrowing down just a couple of things that were slowing us down at the last moment. For instance, we have a rule about how you can’t eat breakfast until you are wearing socks and shoes (because the search for socks and shoes when we should be heading out the door was ridiculous).
To avoid yelling, I sort of got into a routine that didn’t involve having to directly interact with my kids (once they reached ages where they didn’t need my help with getting themselves ready). So I get up first and start turning on lights and making noise without specifically telling anyone to get up. Then I go down and make breakfast (we usually do pancakes or French toast) and during that time they start stirring. I ring a bell to call them down to eat, and usually pass them on the stairs as they come down and I go up to get myself ready. They are in charge of their own bags and they buy lunch at school so I don’t have to deal with any of that. (Somewhere in there are kisses and hugs.)
The Montessori quote is apt. As long as they have ample time to go at their own pace, kids are capable of doing a great deal for themselves.
Seriously? Your kids wake up by themselves just by you turning on the lights and making some noise? Where do such kids come from???!!! :0
You’re so right about figuring out the one or two things that are tripping you up and fixing those though… for us the key was the switch from me being the person who wakes our daughter up to my husband. He is a morning person and much better suited for the task. Before we realized that though, I’d try to wake her up when I myself wasn’t entirely up, and that was such a recipe for disaster!!! Now, I get showered and freshened, and start fixing the breakfast by the time my husband wakes her up and helps her freshen up, and everything flows so much better after that.
PS: Your comment about ringing a bell made me smile 🙂 I didn’t think people did that in real life — I’ve only seen it in movies!
I just got sick of yelling up the stairs at mealtimes. The bell is fun, you can hear it all over the house, and I don’t have to raise my voice. We even have an iron triangle dinner bell thing outside so in the summers if the kids are off playing in the neighborhood they know when it’s time to come home to eat when they hear us clanging it.
Wow, that’s so cool and such a wonderful contrast to the high-tech geekery all around us 🙂
Great article,can’t wait for the next one!!!
Now that’s the kind of comment that makes a blogger’s day. Thanks, Ghazala 🙂
I love this! It’s so challenging getting my kids out of the door on time every morning. I will definitely be putting some of these strategies to use! Thanks for sharing!
@Jenn, gosh you’re right. This was one of the most challenging things for us too a couple of years back. Now we have a routine and I guard it like the mama lioness… it is such a sanity preserver and so crucial to things not just going smoothly, but for all of us to be in good moods!
Good luck with establishing the routine in your household. It’s a little difficult when the kids are little like yours, but the hard work now will pay off in leaps and bounds when they get to school age!
My mornings were the hardest part of my day with my five-year-old triplets. I spent all morning yelling! When charts and timers didn’t help, I invented a visual timer for specifically for morning, after-school and bedtime routines. You can take a look at On-Task On-Time for Kids at http://www.timelymatters.com.
Gosh, I can’t even imagine how hard things must be with triplet preschoolers!!! Way to go Moschel for turning a very challenging situation into such a beautiful and useful product! It looks awesome!
Thats all correct advise!
Thats a great blog, and just when i was thinking of having my healthy morning routine in place , i surely wanna my kids have their s too…
I used to have a very hard time waking up in the morning and getting my children ready for school, but lately, I have found a way to make it work. Your post helped me a lot, to be honest. Now I am preparing everything from the night before, so when I wake up everything is easier. My husband helps me with our kids too, so waking up in the middle of the week is not as different anymore as waking up on the weekends. And trust me when I say that it used to be a real struggle for all of us!
Thanks so much for the tips on setting a routine. I feel like I’m struggling to really set one with my kids. I got inspired to do it after reading this post by Petit Early Learning Journey, my daughter’s childcare centre: https://www.petitjourney.com.au/10-reasons-a-daily-routine-is-important-for-your-child-and-how-to-set-one/. I’m still trying to get it down though for sure.
why spend time nurturing that your kids are sad that you and them are being split up and are fighting the routine that comes with it. Just punish them! Hey your kid won’t brush his teeth, don’t spend time learning why and understanding his reasons.. just don’t give him breakfast! free will WHO needs it. My kid will grow up following all the rules.. when then is a terrible tool. I can use a wrench to hammer in a nail, just because a tool works doesn’t mean it was right.
THank God north amaerica is no longer looked up to.
I love this post, and all of the related content! I’ve just started using a schedule with my toddler in the morning, and it’s made a huge difference. Because she’s so young, we use an object schedule instead of just a visual one, and she’s thriving with it. If you want to see what it looks like, check out this post!
http://littlebodiesbigideas.com/steps-making-perfect-morning-routine/
My question is how do you get completely ready to leave for work as a professional woman in the 15-30 minutes you suggest prior to waking up the kids? That may be the trick. I get up over 1 hour earlier than my children to get ready then get them up only to rush the last 20 minutes getting them ready. I have a 50 minute commute to work, have a drop off at an elementary school and at a day care and be at work by 7:30am. We have to leave at 6:40am. I wake up at 5am. I would not want to wake the kids up at 5:20am just to sit and watch me get ready for the remaining 40min. and there is no way they would ever just sit and watch. It takes me over 1.5hrs to get ready when they are up and asking me for help every 5-10minutes.
Do any professional women get ready in 15minutes if you have more than a pixie hair style? I just think it is unrealistic to expect every women to be able to get ready in 15-30 minutes for a professional job that requires hair done, make-up, and business casual dress.
I think it is unrealistic to expect a professional woman who has longer than a pixie-style hair-do to get ready in 15-30minutes. I get up over 1 hour prior to getting my littles up so that I can be completely ready. It is the last 20minutes of getting them ready that creates havoc. I have a 50minute commute to work to which I have to be there at 7:30am. So, I get up at 5am. get ready. get littles up at 6:30. I hate getting them up so early already, I cannot imagine getting them up even earlier.
Oh, my goodness! So thankful to ______dr_mack @ yahoo. com for bringing back my ex lover…
My family is rude they never set me up with a routine my twin sister they gave one but they treat me like i’m dirt and they also treat her the same even though she was given one
That’s Really great advice. Thanks for this such a helpful post
thanks for this info
my weight loss journey
Nice information about morning routine for kids thanks so much
Thank you very much for the post. My kid just started his Nursery and it was a big milestone in my life. I was so stressed to make the routine perfect and was wondering whether all the things will be as expected or not.
Well…I would say it’s a team work.Your entire family should get involve to achieve it. Being a full time working mother it’s even more tough to cope up. But with all my courage and my family support we completed first week of my toddler’s school. Getting early in the morning and to get ready by 7.30 was not that easy for me.
I am listing out few pointers which really helped me.
1.Start practicing the routine as prior as possible. Not just on the 1st day. We planned it 1 week before.
2.Make routine and follow it with discipline. It’s completely depends upon the elders. What elders do.Kids just follow it.
3.Go to bed early to get up early.
4.Complete as much as task in the last night. Like put the books in school bag, keep the uniforms/shoes/socks ready, keep the tiff in box/water bottle cleaned and ready.
5.Wake him/her up smoothly and give some extra time to warm up. My kid starts crying if i force him to brush his teeth or to sit for toilet just after waking him up.Take the kid in your lap,talk,smile then gradually proceed.
6.Find a motive for the kid to go to school. Like the school bus or the dance class or the play break or even his favorite class teacher. My kid loves to pull his trolley school bag. I use that to motive him.
7. Reward your kid with some toffy or toys or a weekend trip. The kid should understand he gets reward as he is going school regularly.
8. But nothing is more important than health. Don’t force him for school when he is not well. It can be a simple cold or cough or mild fever. But respect his wiliness.
9. Divide work in your family members. Like when i use to make my kid ready for school my mother in law prepares lunch for us.
I hope it will help others.
Happy Parenting 🙂 🙂
Great tips! Number 2 and Number 4 are so on point. Preparing the night before is every effective because it will give you less worries in the morning. Making a morning routine for the kids everyday will turn it to a habit that they can carry until they’re of age. Thanks for this guide. I’ll be definitely using this as a reference especially now that my son and daughter are attending school at la salle zobel.
Excellent you shared morning routine of kids. I was looking through the interenet and found yours.
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All the tips and great and productive.. but i like the most is when, then approach that you have well-explained. Lots of us get stuck into those situations most of the times. Thanks a ton.
Make sure your kids get enough sleep as it is very necessary for their health. Sleep is important not only for their emotional or physical health but also play an important role, how well they perform in their day to day activities.
This is so true! I have been working hard to get into the habit of using the time after dinner to tidy up the dishes & leftovers in the kitchen, pack lunches, and allocate papers. It literally takes me less than 30 mins. and I the mornings feel so much less heavy and when I sit down after putting the kids to bed, I can actually enjoy reading, t.v., etc. w/o feeling guilty or depressed!
I would love the 6 part free course info!
These are some of the best ideas. I can say they all are true as I have witnessed an incredible change in our family’s health and lifestyle after implementing some of these strategies.
Nice article Thanks for share
Thank you so much for helping me to fix my morning routine.
Morning walk fits our body and fresh our mind for daily works . it help us to loose our body weight and give positive waves . keep doing
Yes! A morning routine is so important for the parent and the child so everyone knows what to expect. Eliminating any confusion or mismatching of expectation is half the battle! A good routine is the key to starting the day off well.
I don’t have kids but these sound like great tips for people that do! Kids are a lot of work. Gonna apply these in the future. Thank you!
Thanks so much for all these suggestions. I will definitely implement all of them! Unfortunately my daughter has Brazilian ji Jitsu twice a week where we leave the house only 45 minutes after she gets off the bus. Any thoughts on a schedule with extra activities after school?
A beautiful advice. Thanks for sharing
The one thing that saved my cousin with her 3 children was like you said stated in the article preparing everything at night. Routines are extremely important especially for children with disabilities.
As I read more of the comments, I thought about my dear mother in law who has been gone more than thirty years. She used to buy my kids very expensive, wildly unsuitable toys they never played with. She was making up for being very poor and the youngest child during the Depression. The kids loved her and my father in law because they played word games with them, held them, and always showed them off to everyone they knew. Kids need time and love more than things.
That’s Really great advice. Thanks for this such a helpful post.
Kids are the most interesting and entertaining human being living on this earth, their routine & little laughs make us feel really happy. Luckily my kids always follow their daily routine and do work on their time.
These morning routines are so accurate for the kids, i am definetely gonna show this to my kids. Thanks for sharing this.
This article is so full of very practical, relatable tips on how to set up a morning routine that actually works. My favorite parts are stressing the importance of sleep and preparation from the previous evening—real game-changers when it comes to reducing morning chaos. The “when… then” strategy is an awesome tool to motivate kids to complete tasks, and I love the focus on staying calm and connected throughout the wild morning hours.
Your ideas on how to make weekends special really resonated with me. Those are the things that a family should look forward to. Thank you so much for sharing such worthy strategies—just can’t wait to try them in our home!