My four-year-old makes the fluffiest frittata I’ve ever tasted. She also loves preparing sauces and salad dressings, dreaming up her own sandwich recipes, and baking lemon-ricotta cookies.

This might sound extraordinary. But I promise, my daughter doesn’t have any special talent for the culinary arts. And I’m not a professional chef – or even a particularly good cook.

Our “secret” is simply cooking together a few times a month – about two years of mommy-daughter afternoons in the kitchen and counting.

In the United States today, the prevailing views about cooking with kids is remarkably pessimistic.

It’ll take me twice as long to get the food on the table with the kids underfoot.

She just makes such a mess every time I let her help!

Cooking with a toddler? Are you kidding? That’s so dangerous!

Such skepticism is exacerbated by broader societal trends that keep kids out of the kitchen. For one, as children devote more time to ever-increasing academic commitments and organized activities, fewer hours are left to help out at home.

Even adults are cooking less, largely due to busy schedules and the convenience of takeout or ready-to-eat grocery store meals. As a result, many parents consider cooking with kids a complex task best saved for special occasions like holiday traditions or formal cooking classes.

But parent-and-child cooking doesn’t need to be an elaborate production! On the contrary, involving children in routine breakfast, lunch, or dinner prep can have incredible benefits for your entire family.

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Close your eyes and imagine your child all grown up, savoring a free weekend. What do you see?

Is your daughter grabbing brunch with her pals? Is your son joining his pick-up basketball team on the court? Or perhaps you envision your kids enjoying a hike or a museum exhibit with a couple of close friends?

Regardless of what your vision for your child’s future involves, I bet it doesn’t include him or her sitting miserably at home, feeling lonely and friendless. As parents, we want our children to thrive socially, forming close bonds with their peers.

So, we encourage our children to make friends from the first years of their lives. We sign them up for baby classes and send them to preschool. We arrange playdates and nudge them towards other children at the playground. We tell them to share, organize group games, and teach conflict resolution skills to handle any inevitable skirmishes that arise between them and their new buddies.

But as we work to support our kids’ fledgling social lives, how many of us nurture our own friendships? How many of us are focused on our own social bonds with our own peers?

Too often, the responsibilities of work, home, and parenting take priority over our own social lives. We spend our days chasing down Hydra-esque To-Do lists – for every item we cross off, two seem to grow in its place.

We lose touch with friends who aren’t parents because they seem to be living in a different world. And we lose touch with friends who are parents because they’re as insanely busy as we are.

Making Friends for my Child’s Sake

A shy and awkward kid, I went through a lot of social drama. In school, I felt that no one understood me and often struggled to make friends. As a nerd, immigrant, and scholarship student at a fancy private school, I was objectively very different from my classmates.

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How often have you heard this advice?

Slow down.

Quit all of those extracurricular activities. 

Just relax and enjoy the little things!

If you’re a parent steeped in busyness (and aren’t we all?), such prescriptions for happiness probably pop up so often they’re beginning to sound cliché. But, though everyone seems to applaud the benefits of purging toys, quitting soccer class, and embracing unstructured play, very few of us are actually following through to stop and smell the roses.

But what if you don’t know how to smell the roses?

Most “slow down and smell the roses” experts seem to assume that living simply – once the actual work of simplification is out of the way – is second nature for us all. They act like the only barriers standing between us and purposeful, joyful parenting are smartphones, busy schedules, and too-large toy piles.

And, look, I’m sure that’s true for some of us. Perhaps, given the time and space, some parents can effortlessly transform an afternoon at the park into a fantastical adventure complete with treasure hunts and impromptu science experiments. Others can look at a box of random art supplies and immediately envision beautiful and kid-appropriate craft projects.

But for me personally, that is not the reality. After a life of chasing achievement – in high school, college, the professional world, and beyond – I had no idea how to enjoy quiet, empty hours in an uncluttered home with nothing on the schedule and only a small child for company.

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