A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

About Libby Beer

Libby Beer has a B.A. in history, a Ph.D. in statistics, and a ten-month-old son who is putting her previous multitasking efforts in a whole new light!

Are You Milking These Scientifically Proven Benefits of Laughter Yet?

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(This article is part of the Lighten Up series. Get free article updates here.)

Benefits of laughter: IntroductionGosh, do you ever feel drained trying to be a stand up parent all the time?

A few weeks ago, I was feeling really down about my parenting.

Our son was starting daycare soon, and I wanted to make the most of my last few long weekdays alone with him.

But I was tired, and he wasn’t in the mood to nap. So, instead of doing anything fun with him, I was sitting in a mess of toys feeling guilty.

My husband called to let us know he’d be working a bit late, and I unloaded my disappointment in myself.

His advice?

Read him a book, and do something that makes him laugh.

My husband doesn’t read many parenting books, but he’s got wonderful parenting instincts. His two-minute action plan for me (!) was based on a parenting principle that applies to so many situations.

Benefits of Laughter (From the Book Peaceful Parent Happy Kids)I’ve seen the same principle spelled out in Dr. Laura Markham’s Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. This book is a gold mine — it’s on Sumitha’s list of The Only 4 Books You Need to Become a Great Parent. You should read the whole thing, in your copious spare time. 🙂

But today I want to focus on one lesson from Dr. Markham that really surprised me when I first read it: You and your child can conquer negative emotions using laughter; not just distracting yourselves in the moment, but using the benefits of laughter to heal and grow your mind and heart.

We all know a little about this. When my son is fussing about a diaper change, I can almost always get him grinning again with a big raspberry to the belly.

Laughter can defuse a tense situation, like the dreaded diaper change, and it can distract you from your troubles; I’ve been known to binge-watch TV sitcoms when I’m down.

And studies have shown that laughter isn’t just an escape! Sure, it works better than other distractions, but it has wonderful longer-term benefits, too.

This isn’t a new insight, of course. People have been writing about it for hundreds of years, long before we could describe it in biochemical terms. Seven hundred years ago, in 1413, the Catholic mystic Julian of Norwich wrote extensively about the benefits of laughter.  In 1530, Martin Luther wrote to his friend Jerome Weller with practical advice for times of serious spiritual upset:

Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing.

So today, let’s take a bit of a step back from how to become fine parents and simply take a look at a few of the scientifically proven benefits of laughter that every parent can take advantage of –    [Read more…]

The Healthy Family Meals Cheat Sheet (Because Cooking DAILY Can Make Anyone Want to Weep!)

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(This article is part of the Healthy Families series. Get free article updates here.)

Healthy Family Meals Intro: Does Cooking Daily Make You Want to Weep?Have you ever spent a little extra time at work just so you can justify a fast food takeout instead of having to go home and cook dinner?

It’s not like you don’t appreciate the healthy home-cooked dinners with your family. But, having to be the one who cooks those meals every single day can make anyone want to weep, right?

I’m actually quite fortunate — I’m blessed with a husband who’s passionate about cooking, and very good at it too. Even now that we’re both full-time work-outside-the-home parents, he gets a comforting, nourishing dinner on the table every night he’s home.

The nights he’s not at home, though, I tend to panic a bit! I’m an adequate cook. I enjoy baking. I can even savor the process of creating a meal, if I’m in the right mood.

But that’s not how Getting Dinner works, is it?

Night after night after night, whether I’m in the mood or not, someone’s got to feed the little hungry mouths. Even when I lived alone in graduate school, this was a prospect which sometimes drove me to tears. And now the pressure to feed our growing family right just kicks it up to a whole new level.

And, I’m sure it’s not just me.

There’s a lot of wider cultural stress about getting a home-cooked, healthy dinner on the table. For a lot of us, it’s hard; for all of us, it’s time-consuming; and is it actually worth it?

On the one hand, I’m elbow-deep in lovely Pinterest photos of green vegetables and lyrical blog entries about family bonding. On the other hand, figuring out how NOT to have to cook at home is a pastime almost as old as humanity.

Ancient Rome had carry-out restaurants. Social reformers from Thomas More to the Amana colonies to Amanda Marcotte have suggested that we’d be better off having a few devoted cooks and letting the rest of us use our cooking hours for something more interesting or productive.

But no matter what your ideal solution looks like, in today’s reality, you’re likely to find that cooking healthy family meals at home is the best way to keep both your wallet and everyone’s long-term health in check.

And the research is clear: shared meals are one of the best things you can do for your kids.

So how can we get it done without breaking down and weeping?

Here’s our family’s little cheat sheet –

[Read more…]

3 Super Simple Mindfulness Techniques That Nobody Talks About

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(This article is part of the Mindful Parenting series. Get free article updates here.)

Mindfulness Techniques - Let the Experiences Just Flow Through YouHave you ever tried practicing mindfulness?

It can be wonderful — experiences flow over you, making you see new beauty in familiar things. And taking that moment to just see what’s going on can change your whole outlook.

Even in your less-than-proud moments, stepping back and paying attention makes a world of difference — not just for your plans to do better in the future, but for your mood in the moment.

When you really notice that you feel like shouting at your baby for once again head-butting you instead of just going to sleep already, come on, we’re all exhausted — no, sorry, that’s me!

When I’m really noticing, though, I can be a little calmer, a little less frustrated, just because I’ve acknowledged my own frustration.

Well, that’s the problem, though, isn’t it?

That pesky “when I’m really noticing.”

It’s so, so hard to stop in the middle of an emotional reaction and see what’s going on.

Routines and habits can help with this. This blog is full of strategies and success stories for establishing routines and habits

But, I have a confession to make. Every week, I read the article on AFP. Most weeks, I like the strategies suggested and think about implementing them. Many weeks, I really do spend the two minutes on the 2-Minute Action Plan, and put longer-term plans on my to-do list.

Then my coffee break is over, and I go back to work, and by the time I get home I’m thinking about something else, and it’s only at bedtime that I remember the new strategy I was going to try.

It’s so frustrating!

How then can a busy parent get this mindfulness thing started?

I’d like to share with you 3 mindfulness techniques (hacks, actually) that worked for me. Nobody really talks about these techniques (maybe because they are hacks?), but they are so effective. And simple. And just perfect for parents like you and me who want to change/improve but… well, you know the rest of that story already.

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