Kids take things for granted: the food they eat, the clothes they wear, their toys, trips, extracurriculars.

And why wouldn’t they? For most kids, food appears when they are hungry, there are clothes in the closet, and a list for Santa is an annual tradition.

How do we teach our kids to be grateful, especially for the things they take for granted?

My kids say thank you for meals at dinnertime mainly because it has been drilled into them since they first sat in a highchair: you thank the person who provides you with food. Same with thanking gift-givers and treat providers. “What do you say to Grammie for that baseball?” In fact, teaching please and thank you becomes so ingrained as a parent that you might find yourself, as I often did, catching yourself saying “What do you say…?” before the kids have time to even spit out their thanks.

When my kids were three or four I was so proud of them when they piped out a “thank you” without prompting I’d heave a little internal sigh: at least I’ve done something right as a parent!

But gratitude, as we all know, goes way beyond mouthing thanks for the things we are given.

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I have to admit. Of all the challenges that I am facing as a parent – as an aspiring positive parent – communication is by far the most difficult for me.

For some, positive parenting comes easy and naturally. For others, (like myself) it is a constant struggle and a huge shift in mindset.

Wouldn’t life be easier if there were a positive parenting guide that tells us exactly what to say in any given situation?

I have come to realize that children are a beautiful blend of intelligence, honesty, curiosity, bluntness, sensitivity, empathy and so much more. They understand things and pick up on cues more than we adults realize. One lesson that I have learned is to never underestimate your child.

One of the greatest tools at our disposal as a parent is the ‘power of words.’ Words – how they are used and the way we communicate with our children – can have a ‘make it or break it’ effect. They can either uplift a child who is feeling down and give them that boost of self-confidence or they can crush a child’s self-confidence and self-esteem massively.

Following is a list of phrases that we usually say which are better avoided, and what to say instead. I have also delved a bit into the ‘why’ aspect of these phrases so you can have a better understanding of just how these words impact our children. I hope you will find this as informative and useful as I have and that it will lead you to nurture your child in a better and more positive manner.

Here we go – [Read more…]

My four-year-old makes the fluffiest frittata I’ve ever tasted. She also loves preparing sauces and salad dressings, dreaming up her own sandwich recipes, and baking lemon-ricotta cookies.

This might sound extraordinary. But I promise, my daughter doesn’t have any special talent for the culinary arts. And I’m not a professional chef – or even a particularly good cook.

Our “secret” is simply cooking together a few times a month – about two years of mommy-daughter afternoons in the kitchen and counting.

In the United States today, the prevailing views about cooking with kids is remarkably pessimistic.

It’ll take me twice as long to get the food on the table with the kids underfoot.

She just makes such a mess every time I let her help!

Cooking with a toddler? Are you kidding? That’s so dangerous!

Such skepticism is exacerbated by broader societal trends that keep kids out of the kitchen. For one, as children devote more time to ever-increasing academic commitments and organized activities, fewer hours are left to help out at home.

Even adults are cooking less, largely due to busy schedules and the convenience of takeout or ready-to-eat grocery store meals. As a result, many parents consider cooking with kids a complex task best saved for special occasions like holiday traditions or formal cooking classes.

But parent-and-child cooking doesn’t need to be an elaborate production! On the contrary, involving children in routine breakfast, lunch, or dinner prep can have incredible benefits for your entire family.

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It’s been one of those afternoons. Your child has been acting out over and over again.

You have asked nicely for him to do better. You have issued a warning, and used your best “I mean it” kind of voice.

Hoping your message got through, you get back to what you were trying to accomplish when you hear “Hey that’s MY toy. Give it back!”

Frustration levels reach high alert.

You walk in just in time to see one child grabbing a toy away and the toddler now starting to cry.

That’s it. You’re done. It’s time for a time out.

You set a timer, place your child on a chair and walk away to console the little one. Five minutes later the two are back to fighting again.

What gives?

Why didn’t the Time Out make a difference?

Even though you gave your child a time out as a chance to cool down, things didn’t get better at all.

Your child is now half crying and half yelling. Not only is he mad at the baby, but he is now also mad at you! And is absolutely not willing to follow any of your requests.

Let’s talk about why time out failed…
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Kids are naturally selfish – me, me, me and mine, mine, mine. Not surprising: in the early months and years, it is all about them. So how do we teach our kids to think of others and to treat other people with kindness and compassion?

Kindness and compassion are rooted in empathy and stem from the golden rule of treating others how we wish to be treated ourselves.

Some days, though, I can spout the golden rule ‘til the cows come home and yet it feels like it never sinks in. You encourage compassion, you support acts of kindness, and you try your best to demonstrate empathy, and yet five minutes later the kids are arguing over who sets the table more often and wrestling over the Xbox controllers.

“Be nice to your sister!” you say. “Don’t talk that way to your brother!”

“Blah, blah, blah,” is what they hear.

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