How is this happening again?

Just a few short moments ago, you were enjoying a calm, relaxing moment together with your child when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, came a full-blown power struggle!

Cue the tears, yelling and hurtful words.

If you’re like most parents, you desperately try to avoid these moments.

They’re not fun.

They’re embarrassing. (Especially with judgmental onlookers questioning your every move.)

But the worst part about power struggles is that they seem to take away way too many of those precious moments you have with your kid (and he’s growing so fast, you don’t want to miss any more of them).

You’ve probably tried all of the standard advice for preventing power struggles…

• You pick your battles
• You give him choices
• You ignore what you can tolerate
• You might even give in every once in awhile because his request isn’t that out of line

But even with these tactics, sometimes avoiding a power struggle just isn’t possible. When he’s acting in a way that’s inappropriate and cannot be ignored, you feel like you’ve got to do something.

But what?

How do you sidestep the argument so that you don’t have to get caught in yet another stressful power struggle, yet remain the type of parent you want to be, one who has expectations and rules, not a doormat who folds at every sign of conflict?

[Read more…]

In our house, Christmas is a work in progress, as far as gratitude goes.

Last year we celebrated with just our small, immediate family. And thankfully (or maybe not), there were not a ton of presents underneath our tree. Most of them were either for our older son or for the entire family, so we let him have the pleasure of opening them.

Not surprisingly, we found ourselves repeating a refrain familiar to parents everywhere during the holidays and at birthday parties:

Slow down!

Take time to look at it!

This is not a race!

What we really meant, of course, is that we want our kids to actually appreciate the gifts they’re given. Birthdays and holidays should be more than just a flurry of presents and torn wrapping paper. Everyone likes receiving gifts, but it’s important that we take the time to acknowledge them.

And, more important still, to be thankful for them.

Saying “thank you” is a great start. Maybe give a hug, if both parties feel so inclined. At the least, we want time to mentally note who gave what so that cards can be sent later.

Fact is, we know that our children appreciate the gifts they’re given. Just as they appreciate the other important parenting roles we play.

When our kids are babies, of course, we don’t expect gratitude. We’re content to be their whole world—for those first few months, anyway. We don’t expect to be thanked for [Read more…]

Change. One of the many things in life that is inevitable. We as adults have learned this through time and experience.

Trying to cope with change can be hard on anyone of any age. But it can be especially hard on little ones.

Big life changes such as a move, divorce, starting school, or any significant change in daily routines can set off a cornucopia of reactions.

I know from personal experience how hard it is on a child and parent alike to cope with change. This past summer was a summer of change for our family. My three year old daughter took to the new changes with open arms, yet my five year old son did not.

My husband had recently landed a new job a few states away and would be gone on business for three weeks at a time. As a result, we decided I should quit my full time job to become a stay at home mom.

Awesome, right?

Well…not at first.

[Read more…]

How financially savvy and responsible are your children? How good is their Money IQ?

Do they understand ATM machines and credit cards don’t actually offer an unlimited supply of money?

Are the words debt, budget, interest, income, and savings like a foreign language to them?

Sadly, according to one article they probably don’t. Researchers found that “73% of American consumers die in debt.” Most of that is credit card debt. People today are controlled by the requirement to pay off debt.

As parents, we have the chance to ensure that our children know how to responsibly control their money instead of living their lives in debt being controlled by money.

We need to be intentional about teaching children financial responsibility. As Christine M. Field says in her book Life Skills for Kids, “Children need to be given the opportunity to make financial decisions as early as possible. It is better to let them learn, experiment, and make mistakes with small sums than to wait…”

I have been blessed to be able to stay home and homeschool my daughters, but I am only able to do that because my husband and I have made it a priority to manage money responsibly. It has made such a difference in our lives we decided it is important to instill financial lessons in our own daughters.

I am definitely still learning on this parenting journey (my daughters are 11 and 10); however, there are a few crucial financial tips that I have discovered over the years.

[Read more…]

I am living with Mount Etna. In tween form.

Any hint of criticism sets off the rumbling. Add an admonishment to the top – BOOM – we have an eruption.

Are you sure you’ve done your homework?

BOOM

You lost your house key?

BOOM

Stop picking on your brother!

BOOM

Are you on your computer? Again?

BOOM

For a while there we were having loud, shouty arguments about everything under the sun. He was prickly and defensive and not a joy to be around.

It would be easy for me to write this off as teenage hormones and tell him he needs to stop being so sensitive. It would be equally easy for me to paint myself as a blameless and suffering supermom, but I know that communication is a two-way street.

But what can I do? I do active listening. I let him fail to develop a growth mindset. I try to back away from the bubbling lava of his hormonal temper. But no matter what I do I seem to trigger more eruptions out of my tween Mt. Etna.

Something was missing. In fact, it was 2 somethings.

[Read more…]