A few weeks ago I discovered a wonderful opportunity to take a course that involved traveling from away from home one weekend a month to train in creative writing as a therapist.

Creative writing has been my personal therapy since my angst-filled teenage years and the idea of being able to offer this in a professional capacity to others felt amazing.

My husband was all for me taking a vocational training to further develop my career. My daughter was looking forward to weekends filled with daddy time, TV dinners, and going out for ice cream.

Then, following a conversation with my mum in which she questioned the practicalities of leaving the country on a monthly basis fear kicked in.

Could I really afford it? Would I be able to find a babysitter since I had to leave on the Friday while my husband was still at work? Would my daughter really be okay with me traveling so often?

I started to feel huge anxiety that I would end up with a financial deficit and a disconnected daughter; and that there was something terribly self-indulgent and wrong in me taking all this time and spending all this money on myself.

My husband, and best friend, reassured me it was a good idea, that it would be no big deal making the trip once a month.

I knew rationally it was a good idea. As a Hand in Hand Parenting instructor I’m always telling parents to take care of their own needs; that a happy parent equals a happy child. I also knew it was an investment for the whole family and our future.

So why did I feel like I was being selfish? Why had my initial excitement derailed into guilt and fear?

I needed a reality check so I asked a group of online mothers what they thought about it. [Read more…]

I walk into daycare at the end of the day.

My 2 year-old is at the table, playing with Play-Doh.

Upon seeing me, he holds his little hand out in a “stop” motion.  He shakes his head and says “no no no,” while covering the Play-Doh with his other chubby fingers.

His message is clear.  Mom is here, so that means it’s time to go… but I’m having fun and I want to stay.

That’s okay because I’m in no rush.  I hug my daughter and listen to her chatter about her day.  I gather up jackets and backpacks while talking to our daycare provider.

At some point, my son gets down from the table, grabs his teddy bear, stands in the middle of the room, opens his mouth, and lets out an eardrum-blowing scream.

The kind of scream that rises to an octave so high, I’m pretty sure all the neighborhood dogs will have gathered outside.

Unprompted.  Unexpected.  Happy as a clam just a second ago.

Behaviors like this, especially when they happen often (this is not the first time I’ve heard that blood curdling scream come out of my cute little blonde-headed babe), can be frustrating.

The frustration is there because these behaviors often seem uncalled for.  They are unpredictable and can be time-consuming.  Whether it’s your toddler testing her new found sense of freedom, or an older child who is struggling with something more specific, it can be easy to get swept up in the frustration of the situation and start thinking of them as “problem” behaviors.

We may find ourselves reacting in ways that we are hoping will just stop the behavior on the spot.  We may find ourselves yelling, reprimanding, threatening or picking our kids up and physically removing them from the situation.

Worse yet, we may find ourselves so frustrated by how the behavior has affected our day, that we don’t take the time to look deeper and understand why the behavior exists.

Here’s the rub: All behavior has a reason behind it. 

I am a behavior specialist in a public school system in Maryland.  I have 14 years of experience working with children from 3 to 21 in both the public and nonpublic school realms. I also have an almost unhealthy obsession for keeping up with the latest studies in this field; which comes in handy when it’s time to teach behavior-based trainings.

So I understand this: [Read more…]

How did your 2017 parenting year go? Are you the same parent today as you were on January 1st of last year? Are you the parent you want to be yet?

I am certainly not the parent I was one year ago. And, yet, I am not quite the parent I want to be either.

Do I yell less? Yes, but still more than I’d like.

Do I use Active Listening all the time? Well…. I try….

Do my children know I love them? Absolutely.

(So, that’s one thing checked off the Become a Better Parent list.)

But why am I not a superstar parent yet? Why haven’t I accomplished all my parenting resolutions from last year? I started out with such energy and good intentions! What happened?

Like every single one of you out there, I mean well. I try. I do my best.

Yet I intend to do so much better.

So why do my accomplishments not keep up with my intentions? And what is it going to take for me to get there?

With one year having come to a close, and another one about to start, I think about these questions a lot.

I did good last year. But I want to do even better this year. And check a few more items off that Become a Better Parent list.

Here are a few things I have learned that we can do to give ourselves the best chance possible of keeping our parenting resolutions.

[Read more…]

I want you to take a moment to contemplate this question.

What does ‘togetherness’ mean to you as a family?

What images first come to mind? Was it when you were all snuggled up on the sofa watching a movie on a Saturday night? Was it breastfeeding your baby in the peaceful wee hours? Was it your last holiday in the snow, building a snowman with the kids?

When was the last time you experienced this feeling of togetherness as a family, and how often do you get that associated warm, fuzzy feeling?

There’s probably a good chance that it’s not a regular occurrence. Well, family life is busy. Really busy. Sometimes we’re essentially in survival mode, and need to just get through the day.

And for those with school-aged kids, it’s easy to get caught up on the day-to-day treadmill: the school runs, making school lunches and dinners, after-school activities and homework, weekend classes and birthday parties. There never seems to be any spare time for anything else. It’s overwhelming at times, right?

Or, your situation might be similar to my own. I’m heavily pregnant, and have an active and strong-willed three year-old at home. We’re together seven days a week but I wouldn’t necessarily consider every moment a special time of ‘togetherness’. Often I just dream of ‘aloneness’. I’m sure I’m not a unique parent who longs for that, and that’s totally fine. We’re only human.

Somehow, though, in this fast-paced, overscheduled, consumerist, and digital world that we live in, we seem to have forgotten how to just slow down, relax, and enjoy one another without external distractions. It’s time to be intentional about reversing that.

In this article, we’re going to explore the Danish philosophy called ‘Hygge’ (pronounced ‘hoo-gah’). Although not new in Denmark, it’s the latest wellness trend sweeping the rest of the world, and literally means ‘to cozy around together’.

Doesn’t that sound like a charming notion that we could all get a little more of? It doesn’t sound too hard. The idea focuses on creating a cozy atmosphere at home, such as lighting candles, and doing things together like playing games, having cake and tea, and doing crafts.

And the holiday season is the perfect time of year to Hygge since it’s generally a time celebrated with family and friends. The ultimate aim is to spend time together, leaving problems, technology, and negativity behind and simply having fun as a family.

So, how do we start getting a little Hygge into our lives this holiday season?

Here are some ideas to get started, and to slowly start implementing a little togetherness into your holidays.

[Read more…]