Don’t you absolutely love it when your child giggles and embraces you with so much happiness in their heart?

When children are happy, we tend to join in their fun and feel a sense of ease.

Tears and temper tantrums on the other hand can be hard to accept, let alone deal with in a calm way.

I am a certified parent educator, and not once in the last decade has a parent told me that they enjoy their child’s temper tantrums!

It doesn’t matter whether your child is 2, 12 or 22… we can all agree that tantrums are not desirable. Tears, screams and meltdowns are hardly something we want to see our child go through. Understandably, it can be difficult to stay calm and respond nicely when a child has a massive temper tantrum.

When parents reach out to me for coaching and support, how to handle their child’s temper tantrums is a very common concern. [Read more…]

When my first born was a toddler and started testing limits, I didn’t have my parenting and discipline strategy completely sorted out.

My sweet and calm child had learned to shake his head no, stomp his foot when something wasn’t to his liking and throw his dinner down to feed the dog instead of eating it himself.

My friends and even complete strangers often complimented me on what a well behaved toddler my son was. But as a new mother, I found some of his behaviors pushed my buttons.

Can I confess something to you? 

I was convinced that some of my toddler’s behavior was bad and needed to be stopped right away. Especially because I had another baby on the way and didn’t want to have out of control kids.

Thinking the problem was my discipline style, I started counting, using warnings and time outs when behaviors didn’t  meet my expectations.

That turned out to be a really bad choice for us.

Instead of better behavior from my son and a calmer home, we ended up with more tears for all of us.

Counting and control didn’t help my son learn new and better behaviors. My attention was always focused on what was going wrong instead of on all the wonderful things my son was capable of doing.

Our strong bond had been disrupted and I knew in my heart I needed to repair it.

Special Time was just what we needed.  
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It’s been one of those afternoons. Your child has been acting out over and over again.

You have asked nicely for him to do better. You have issued a warning, and used your best “I mean it” kind of voice.

Hoping your message got through, you get back to what you were trying to accomplish when you hear “Hey that’s MY toy. Give it back!”

Frustration levels reach high alert.

You walk in just in time to see one child grabbing a toy away and the toddler now starting to cry.

That’s it. You’re done. It’s time for a time out.

You set a timer, place your child on a chair and walk away to console the little one. Five minutes later the two are back to fighting again.

What gives?

Why didn’t the Time Out make a difference?

Even though you gave your child a time out as a chance to cool down, things didn’t get better at all.

Your child is now half crying and half yelling. Not only is he mad at the baby, but he is now also mad at you! And is absolutely not willing to follow any of your requests.

Let’s talk about why time out failed…
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When my son was just four years old, he loved to investigate things around the house. He spent hours each day opening, spilling, touching, shuffling, dumping and tinkering. There was a lot he wanted to learn about and play with.

Sometimes he made choices which were not necessarily in line with my expectations. One time, while coloring, he broke a few magic markers open. He wanted to “catch the colors” hiding inside, he explained.

Children need time to play, tinker and discover. This is vital to growing and developing well. Very often in this playful process young children create messes and make mistakes. Having a safe home in which to make mistakes is vital to growing well. It is also important to the child that as parents we offer them guidance, limits and clear boundaries.

Children don’t really need to be told how to play or supervision that mimics a hovering helicopter. Children do however need to know that they can count on us, without a doubt, to provide them guidance and safety.

Gentle guidance or positive discipline is about honoring the needs of the child while providing safety, connection and confident leadership.

[Read more…]