My ex-wife, our teenage son and I were sitting at a table in an airport café. He was telling her about our summer holiday with my parents.

“Why are you so well-behaved?” she said suddenly. “I mean, you’re a teenager! Shouldn’t you be more rebellious?”

Our son pondered the question.

“Do you know what it is?” he said. “I actually think your rules are fair. And if there’s a rule I don’t think is fair, I know I can talk to you about it and you’ll listen.”

His mother and I exchanged a glance. We were delighted, of course, but this had been our intention from the beginning. We wanted our parenting to be fair.

Still…wanting something and achieving it are two different things.

Do you find it challenging to achieve fairness in parenting? Does your child find your parenting fair? And do you and your partner agree on what fairness is?

Rest assured, you are not alone! [Read more…]

It’s one of those nights.

The kind of nights where my toddler does not want to go to bed and has made this abundantly clear by his squirms and whines and protests as I try to change his diaper and put on his pajamas.

He doesn’t want to listen to Mommy. He’s tired of her telling him what to do. And frankly, I don’t blame him.

Toddlers live in a world where they are constantly told “No,” what to do, and how to behave all day, every day. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that this would get tiring for them; resisting is often just an attempt to insert some independence!

So what do I do? Instead of yelling and persisting full steam ahead, I take a pause and then pick up his little pajama top and try a different tactic.

“Hmmm… does this go on your knee?”

He stops and stares at me.

“Nooo, does it go on your feet?”

He starts to giggle.

“Nope, not there. Hmm. Silly Mommy. Where does it go? I need your help!”

Just like that, my toddler’s confidence has been raised a notch and he starts to help. He feels smart and in charge. And I, playing the fool, have him just where I want him. [Read more…]

Once, as I stepped up to speak with a group of parents, the woman in charge introduced me with these words: “Here’s Jill, the Anger Mom.”

I thought, there are titles I’d rather be labeled. Pastor and change expert. Lord of the Rings fanatic. Generic “writer and speaker.” I’d take Crazy Cat Lady over “Anger Mom.” It wouldn’t be wrong.

“Anger Mom,” though, is what I’ve become to a couple generations of parents needing someone who’s walked the journey from angry parent to peaceful home. It’s the most popular topic chosen from my speaking list. I believe that’s because none of us ever expected to turn into that parent. [Read more…]

Do you wonder why your child seems to explode with an outburst at the slightest inconvenience?

Tantrums are pretty commonplace in the life of a toddler. One wrong move could set off a sour mood for the rest of the afternoon. If you’ve ever been at the mercy of a toddler’s meltdown, then you’ve probably also found yourself questioning your own emotional maturity. I have definitely experienced this first hand!

After having an especially hectic morning a few weeks ago, I rushed to make my 18-month-old son his lunch. I quickly realized that I had made the fatal error of using the wrong cup for his water, as disappointment sent him into a tailspin of frustrated shrieks.

As he wailed, I mentally reminded myself to take a breath. While exhaling, it hit me that while I realized what was needed to calm myself, my son did not have those tools. He did not yet understand that uncomfortable emotions are just temporary.

That moment was a deciding factor in my mind- I needed to find ways to teach my young child self-regulation. I also knew that the first years of life are vital to emotional development–it’s never too early to start.

Emotional outbursts can happen at any age. The one likely common denominator of emotional outbursts, regardless of age, is that we want to be able to handle them in a productive way for both ourselves and our children.

If we want to provide solutions for our children in having a healthy outlet for their emotions, we must evaluate how self-regulation plays a role in emotional well-being. After all, self-regulation is a skill that we know is especially necessary for the success of our children throughout their school-aged years and adulthood.

Self-regulation refers to the management of our own behaviors, body movements, and emotions. Self-regulation should not be confused with self control which concerns the inhibiting of strong impulses. Self-regulatory skills provide benefit to our overall well being and are necessary for a child’s school-readiness; therefore, we need to be enforcing these practices as early as possible. [Read more…]

As parents, we all need some good quiet time activities up our sleeve to pull out throughout the week—simple activities that will keep the kids engaged, creative, and yes, calm and quiet.

Activities like these come in handy in all sorts of situations and times.

To keep kids quietly engaged…

• When the baby goes down for a nap
• During travel, whether it’s a road trip or plane ride
• When you are in a meeting
• When the kids wake up early on the weekend and you’d rather stay in bed for another half hour
• When you have a friend over

To help with transition times throughout the day and week. A low-key creative activity can do wonders for smoothing over the sometimes difficult transitions that happen throughout the day and week. These can include:

• After school
• Dinner prep hour
• After nap
• Before bed
• After waking up

To help with waiting times at restaurants, coffee shops, or doctor’s offices.

To calm kids, keep the peace, and manage energy swings or potential conflict between kids during playdates or sibling situations. (I always tried to have at least one good quiet-time activity up my sleeve to keep playdates going smoothly when the kids were young).

There are so many times and places where we parents could use quiet-time activities as part of our parenting toolbox! The trick is having some good ones at the ready when we need them so that we don’t resort to screen time yet again (and end up feeling guilty).

I’m going to share my top 10 favorite quiet-time activities for kids. These are creative activities that will engage your kids yet they are simple to set up, they are quiet, and they are low mess. What’s not to like?! Plus most of these activities require minimal explanation or supervision. [Read more…]