It’s so hard as a parent to draw our kids into meaningful conversations, isn’t it?

Especially if the conversation is about something extremely important, but rather abstract in the minds of our kids, as the topic of building character?

Then again who says you have to sweat it out?

I’m a lazy parent – if there’s an easier way to do the job just as well without me having to do all the heavy lugging, I’ll take that option any day and twice on Sundays.

Which is why I love family movie nights.

Did you know that it’s been scientifically proven that movies have the ability to persuade and teach our children?

Really. It’s true. This article on the power of persuasion by Dr. Jeremy Dean discusses the psychological reasons behind why movies work so well to influence our thought process. One of the comments he makes is this “Stories work so well to persuade us because, if they’re well told, we get swept up in them, we are transported inside them.”

So, what if we secretly stacked the cards in our favor? What if we, as parents, were very strategic in the movies that we choose and then used that impressionable time right after the movie concluded to discuss and impress upon our child the favorable character traits we want them to glean from that show?

It’s amazing what kids will open up and say in this very vulnerable and open state. I am sharing this with you because I have personally found it to be so much more effective with my kids than just trying to talk about “doing the right thing”. At times when I’ve tried to discuss “doing the right thing” with my teenagers, all I ever received was the classic eyeroll.

Call me “sneaky” if you must. But hey, it works. And I’m all about doing things that work, especially if they are easy.

Therefore, let me equip you, my dear parent friend, with this list of 25 of the best family movies that I believe will help you in this venture. These movies will appeal to all age groups and engage the entire family, however for the purposes of this article, they are sorted by Rating. 

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Does it bother you when somebody judges you?

I am an unmarried mom.

No, not a single mom, but an intentionally unmarried mom. In a committed relationship with the father of my 2.5 year old daughter for the past 11 years.

While many of my friends are happy for my happiness and have accepted my choice (whether they agree with it or not), every so often, I stumble into people who just cannot mask their disbelief (and often disdain) at the path we’ve chosen.

While I don’t easily get fazed by judgemental people, when someone assumes a moral high ground, it makes me wonder. Am I missing something? Is a traditionally married mother better than an unmarried one?

We have come a long way from branding the letter “A” on an unwed mother’s forehead, and yet, the only socially “acceptable” way to bear children is with a ring on mom’s finger.

Discrimination against unmarried mothers is just one example of why it’s time for a tune-up of our moral compasses. Whether it’s race, religion, sex, money, or education, our beliefs are often out-of-touch with today’s world.

If we’re to raise kind, compassionate kids into moral, empathetic adults, we need to separate judgement from morality.

There’s right and wrong, of course. The basic ten commandments, in whatever dish you prefer them served. Thou shalt not lie, cheat, steal, or harm (well, that’s the condensed version).

But judgement is often hidden under a veil of morality.

The unmarried mom, the breastfeeding preschooler, the attachment parent, the unschooler. In today’s world of 24-hour news channels and instant status updates from friends around the world, is it really our place to judge anymore?

We see lifestyles and events we never would have been exposed to before technology took over, and when the ideas go against our beliefs, attack is too often the first line of the defense.

Technology has brought judgement to the forefront of our collective conscience, in the form of social media shaming, internet trolls, and opinion-based journalism. Judgement is our instinctive response to anything that is different from what we’re used to.

Of course, it’s natural to judge people. It’s instinctive, ingrained in the human species to be wary of people who don’t look the same. Even babies prefer similar looking company.

Let’s explore the grey area between right and wrong, where morals often become judgement, and conformity is our “safe place.”

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Have you ever had to deal with complaints from your child’s teacher about his unacceptable behavior in school? Or had to explain to her that your sweet little one has many good character traits and is usually not abusive?

If you have, you surely know how it feels.

If not, let me tell you — it’s NOT a walk in the park. As a matter of fact, it is heart breaking and fills you with a gut wrenching sadness that makes you wonder where you could have gone wrong on your parenting journey.

It was dispersal time. I had gone to pick my son from school.  His teacher stopped me to tell me that Jay somehow had managed to get into a scuffle with his friends and ended up beating one of the boys black and blue. She gave me a firm warning about Jay’s unacceptable behavior letting him off fairly lightly just this time as this was his first episode.

I left her assured with promises to talk to him about it.

I was reeling. Seriously, did he (could he?) really do that? And why???

Well… It took me quite some time, through his sobs and anger, to sweet-talk a few sentences out of him. When I heard them though, they staggered me.

Suddenly, it was my turn to choke, with emotion.
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You’ve probably heard the word grit mentioned several times in the recent years in the context of raising kids who go on to fulfill their potential.

While the word grit may conjure images of Rocky Balboa or Dirty Harry, in the past decade or so it has taken on a whole new meaning that has stolen the attention of parents and educators alike.

That’s because according to University of Pennsylvania psychologist and MacArthur ‘genius’ Angela Duckworth, grit, defined as a child’s “perseverance and passion for long-term goals,” is a better indicator of future earnings and happiness than either IQ or talent.

Today’s mounting research on grit suggests that your child’s ability to work hard, endure struggle, fail, and try again may be the key to determining his or her long-term success and happiness.

So, What Is Grit and Why Does it Matter?

When we are in pursuit of a lofty goal, we don’t know when or even whether we will succeed. Until we do.

Grit is a distinct combination of passion, resilience, determination, and focus that allows a person to maintain the discipline and optimism to persevere in their goals even in the face of discomfort, rejection, and a lack of visible progress for years, or even decades.

Through extensive research, Angela Duckworth and her team have proven that the common denominator among spelling bee finalists, successful West Point cadets, salespeople and teachers who not only stick with, but improve in their performance, is grit.

And according to study after study, people who are smart, talented, kind, curious, and come from stable, loving homes, generally don’t succeed if they don’t know how to work hard, remain committed to their goals, and persevere through struggles and failure.

Can We Foster Grit in Children and How?

As word of Duckworth’s research has spread, grit has become a hot topic in education and parenting circles, and supporters want to know how to build grit in children. Although Duckworth herself says she doesn’t know definitively how to increase grit in young people, she is hopeful it can be taught, and she and her team are working with researchers and schools across the country to find out how.

In 2004 and 2006, Duckworth and a team of researchers tested the grit and self-control of several thousand incoming West Point cadets before their first summer at school. The summer program, known as “Beast Barracks,” is designed to push cadets to their mental and emotional limits, so much so that about 1 in 20 cadets drops out.

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We saw several articles this month outlining a variety of ways to build character in our kids. But, what if none of our efforts seem to make any difference?

What if our kids continue being mean, in spite of our attempt to teach them compassion?

What if our kids continue to be bossy, in spite of our attempt to teach them politeness?

What if all our attempts to teach them to be responsible come up short?

As parents invested in raising kids with good character, this can be very frustrating.

But the reasons for these setbacks may actually just be us unintentionally sabotaging our character education attempts with some common mistakes.

Check below to see if any of these mistakes are holding you down:

Mistake #1: Believing how kids act on the outside mirrors who they are on the inside

A child with good character is not a child that is perfect all the time.

Successfully building character in your children will come with a lot of mistakes. Kids are learning everyday – and character building is a part of that learning process. Children’s brains are not wired to understand impulse control and selflessness from the beginning. These are actually learned traits that parents are responsible for instilling in their children.

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