When my first born was a toddler and started testing limits, I didn’t have my parenting and discipline strategy completely sorted out.

My sweet and calm child had learned to shake his head no, stomp his foot when something wasn’t to his liking and throw his dinner down to feed the dog instead of eating it himself.

My friends and even complete strangers often complimented me on what a well behaved toddler my son was. But as a new mother, I found some of his behaviors pushed my buttons.

Can I confess something to you? 

I was convinced that some of my toddler’s behavior was bad and needed to be stopped right away. Especially because I had another baby on the way and didn’t want to have out of control kids.

Thinking the problem was my discipline style, I started counting, using warnings and time outs when behaviors didn’t  meet my expectations.

That turned out to be a really bad choice for us.

Instead of better behavior from my son and a calmer home, we ended up with more tears for all of us.

Counting and control didn’t help my son learn new and better behaviors. My attention was always focused on what was going wrong instead of on all the wonderful things my son was capable of doing.

Our strong bond had been disrupted and I knew in my heart I needed to repair it.

Special Time was just what we needed.  
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It’s time to leave the park, but your kid isn’t ready.

You’re already running late for dinner, but he’s having a great time. You don’t want to end on a bad note, do you?

So you agree to give him a few more minutes. Then you sweetly let him know it’s really time to go.

He drags his feet. He pouts. You feel the tension building up.

You did everything right. You gave advance warning, you talked positively. What now? How are you supposed to set limits without yelling or caving in?

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I was at my son’s school to check him out early for an appointment. While I waited for him, the school secretary commented on what a nice, helpful kid my son is.

“Really?” I replied, hoping she would say more.

“Oh yes, just the other day, it was raining and several girls forgot their umbrellas. Your son took his jacket off and held it over their heads while they were waiting in the carpool line so they wouldn’t get wet!” she said.

Smiling, I thanked her for the compliment, but I wasn’t surprised. I could picture my son doing that!

That’s when I realized his actions at school were the actualization of a lifetime of lessons that family, friends and teachers have gifted to my son.  We’ve worked hard to teach him to be helpful through conscious attention to teaching helpfulness as a skill.

Teaching kids behaviors like helpfulness is an endeavor that starts when they are babies and continues until they leave home, and it’s influenced by everyone our kids come in contact with. I suppose you have heard the saying “It takes a village”? How true that saying is!

That’s why it’s important to expose our kids to the people that will be the best role models. To give them age-appropriate toys and entertainment that aligns with your family’s values. To know who their friends are and the ideas they are being exposed to. And to give them the best education we can find.

Helpfulness is a wonderful character trait to teach our children. I’ve read that kids are like sponges; they soak up everything! You see, learning doesn’t start on the first day of school. Learning starts the day they are born! [Read more…]

Have you noticed how some children (and adults), when presented with a buffet of food, make a well balanced, mostly healthy selection?

While others pass over anything resembling a fruit or a vegetable and load their plates with as much fatty, sugary food as they possibly can?

Why is this?

How come some kids have healthy eating habits while others gravitate towards junk food? Is there anything we can do to nudge our children into the former group rather than the latter?

I still remember taking my son to a birthday party when he was about seven. He totally ignored the sandwiches and fruit kebabs, although he would happily eat both at home, and loaded his plate with crisps, cupcakes and sausage rolls. I wasn’t going to intervene – it was a party after all – but after the second full can of fizzy drink, I found myself stepping in and saying ‘no more’.

It bothered me because, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), obesity affects 39.8% of adults and 18.5% of children in the United States. Obesity-related conditions, such as heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and some cancers are the leading causes of preventable premature deaths. [Read more…]

Imagine this –

A three-year-old boy gets angry while playing a game with his friends and hits another child hard and pushes him down.

The mom comes and gives the aggressive child a hug and asks him politely not to hit his friends, and then returns to her table where she was sitting.

A few moments later, the child repeats the offense.

These are the kinds of scenarios dreamed up by those who say positive parenting doesn’t work.

At the heart of their disdain for positive parenting is the ill-conceived belief that positive parenting is permissive parenting.

They believe that positive parents fail to set boundaries, let children make and break the rules, and decline any discipline whatsoever.

And they think we try to solve every problem with a hug, are afraid of upsetting our snowflakes, and just want to be our child’s friend.

I’m sure you’ve heard this rhetoric before.

Let’s set the record straight and define what positive parenting really is and how it differs from permissive parenting. [Read more…]