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When Positive Parenting is Hard: 10 Things You Can Do to Keep Up

by Catherine Wilde.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

positive parenting is hardI felt like I was failing. It sounded so simple, but it wasn’t easy.

I read the books and it all made sense.

I knew positive parenting was the right path for me. This was the parent I wanted to be.

But in reality, it was hard.

It was hard to always stay calm and non-reactive.

It was hard to always connect with empathy.

It was hard to always hold space when my kids had a meltdown.

If you’ve ever felt like giving up on positive parenting, you are not alone! Keep reading to learn how we can navigate the journey of positive parenting, even when it is hard!

To be the positive parent you’ve always wanted to be, click here to get our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent.

Benefits of Positive Parenting

special-time-purpose-of-84483570.jpgIf you’re on this journey, you’ve probably read or heard about the amazing benefits of practicing positive parenting. Just a few of these benefits include:

  • Helps nurture a child’s self-esteem
  • Gives them the tools to create meaningful relationships
  • Helps to create a safe and secure environment in which they can thrive

Amazing, right?!

Although the benefits of positive parenting can help to motivate us on our positive parenting journeys, it doesn’t mean that the path is always an easy one. Being a parent is challenging, to say the least. We want the best for our kids, but making that a reality can feel messy and complicated.

Here are ten things we can do when positive parenting gets hard and we feel discouraged and are tempted to give up.

#1 Use Our Inner Guidance

Parenting-Superpowers-Listening_92926509.jpgIf you are like me and striving to be a positive parent, you’ve probably also read many books, listened to the podcasts, and maybe even taken a course or two. All of that information is incredibly valuable, but it can also be quite overwhelming and sometimes conflicting.

Although so much of the information out there on positive parenting can inspire us to get on the right path, not every idea, activity, or guideline will be perfect for our own family. If something you’ve read or heard about positive parenting doesn’t sit well, that’s okay!

So, what can we do instead?

There’s no need to force what we think positive parenting should look like on our family. Instead, we can turn inward and listen to what our heart is saying.

It’s time to parent from within.

We can rest assured that we are the ones that know our children best. That knowledge can allow us to turn down the noise of the outer world and begin to turn inward.

Listening to our internal voice can take the worry away when our plan doesn’t perfectly follow someone else’s rules. It allows us to use our inner guidance and our family’s needs as our guide.

An added benefit to parenting from a place of inner guided wisdom is the calm and confidence that comes with the choices that we make for our family.

#2 Move Our Bodies

mom daughter yoga stretch natureMovement is a beautiful way to reduce stress. Movement can help us shift from our heads into our bodies and hearts.

Yoga is an amazing way to bring movement and mindfulness into the days in which positive parenting is hard. Yoga gives us opportunities to practice moving into the heart space; plus it is a fun way to bring more movement, mindfulness and play into our time with our kids.

Many yoga poses are modeled after nature, so allowing ourselves to have fun and go on an animal yoga adventure with our kids can be a great family activity!

Taking a walk in nature is another wonderful way to find movement, as well as to reconnect with ourselves. Walking meditation is a great way to practice staying grounded and in the present moment while spending time in nature.

Here are some simple steps to help practice walking meditation:

  1. Choose a peaceful space in which to walk
  2. Take slow and intentional steps, being mindful of each movement
  3. Bring attention to the sensations experienced while walking
  4. When the mind wanders simply bring the focus back to the sensations

When we take time to move and practice presence, it is easier to be the positive parents we want to be.

#3 Allow Space for Feelings

Make Peace With Your Past - Peaceful Parent Happy Kids-Cover-285X420Being human means that it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions, sometimes even multiple emotions at once.

It took me quite some time to realize that feelings are neither good nor bad; they are simply messages. Although these messages aren’t always easy to hear, they are opportunities to grow and move towards the positive parents we want to be.

In her book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Dr. Laura Markham shares, “When we regulate our own emotions, our children learn to regulate their emotions.”

Taking the time to tune in to how we are feeling and to practice regulating our emotions can help us to model emotional self-care for our children.

When we allow space for our emotions to be seen and heard, we begin a journey of healing and self-love. Committing to doing this inner work will not only transform our relationship with our children but the relationship with ourselves as well.

#4 Recognize Personal Triggers

Long trips with toddlers - Fill them inOur emotions and the triggers to different emotions are closely linked. When we start to feel frustrated or reactive, that’s an invitation to pause and notice what trigger may lay underneath those emotions.

Our perspectives and triggers around parenting often come from our past experiences, our own childhoods, and our current beliefs about what we think parenting should look like.

Dr. Markham states, “usually in parenting and in life, the best response to upsetting emotions is to reflect, not react. In other words, don’t take action when you’re triggered.”

When getting started with this inner work here are some beautiful steps to try:

  1. Notice when emotions are heightened
  2. Pause, breathe and become aware of any thoughts
  3. Notice the story that’s going on in the mind
  4. Choose a more empowering story, if needed

When we become aware of these beliefs we can begin to let go of the beliefs that no longer serve us and can then choose more empowering thoughts. This can help us parent from a place of abundance and love.

#5 Let Go of Comparison

Watching Phone While FeedingIt can be easy to compare ourselves to others, especially when it comes to parenting.

Glancing at the snapshots of others on social media might leave us feeling like we’re not doing enough as a parent.

It can help to remember that when browsing social media, we are only seeing a small fraction of another person’s life. Instead of using social media as a place to compare ourselves to other parents, we can focus on using it as a space to foster connection and nurture relationships.

If we find ourselves in the comparison mindset when scrolling through social media, it might be time to take a break.

Taking an extended break from social media can help us recenter ourselves and allow space to focus on the fact that no one is perfect and that perfection is not the goal in parenting.

When we choose to get back on social media, we should strive to scroll with mindfulness.

#6 Practice Meditation

Mindful Parenting: Get Kids to MeditateMeditation is a beautiful way to turn down the outer noises and tune into our own self.

So often we are inundated with conflicting messages, pressure, and expectations from the outside world. Simply taking some time to sit in stillness can help us better listen to the messages of our hearts.

Studies have shown a strong correlation between practicing mindfulness and the reduction of parental stress.

As parents, it’s not always possible to sit in meditation for long periods of time. When time is limited we can still practice centering ourselves with a sacred pause.

Here are some steps for practicing sacred pause:

  1. Place a hand over your heart
  2. Gently allow the eyes to close
  3. Take a few calming deep breaths

I like to practice this sacred pause technique when my time is limited and when I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious. It’s a quick way to reconnect with myself and come back to the present moment.

The heart-centering practice of mindfulness and meditation can help us to tune into our personal needs so we can more easily parent from inner wisdom at times in which positive parenting is hard.

#7 Create a Gratitude Practice

Eating Healthier - Family Dinners are ImportantThe challenges in our lives are often glaringly obvious. Intentionally looking for little and big things to be thankful for can help us more easily find the gifts in our lives. Research shows that gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness.

Our children learn so much from watching us; modeling gratitude can also help them to intentionally look for the blessings and beauty in their lives.

Incorporating gratitude activities into our day with our children is a wonderful way to help strengthen our gratitude muscles.

Here are some ideas for practicing gratitude with children:

  • Keep a gratitude journal
  • Give thanks at the dinner table
  • Create a gratitude ritual
  • Practice gratitude at bedtime

Having a consistent gratitude practice can help us more easily find things to appreciate and more consistently notice the things that are going right, even during the more challenging parenting moments.

Editors Note: Research shows that spending just a few minutes each day looking for 3 new things to be grateful for can rewire our brain and help us become more positive and happier. To help you with this, we have created a simple 30-day printable journal called the 3-2-1 Positivity Journal.

Click here to learn more

#8 Prioritize Self-Care

When things go wrong - Be patient with yourselfSelf-care means taking time to care for our own needs. When we take time to take care of ourselves we are filling up our cup so that we can pour more love into our kids.

One great way to infuse the day with self care is to start the day with a simple self-care ritual. Choose a few activities that help you to feel calm, so you start your day with a full cup.

Here are some self-care practice ideas:

  • Take some deep calming breaths
  • Spend time in nature
  • Practice Yoga
  • Go for a walk
  • Meditate
  • Make a cup of tea
  • Listen to Music
  • Take a bubble bath

Not only does practicing self-care help us to be a more calm and present parent, but it’s also a beautiful practice to introduce to our children. When we practice self-care, our children notice! We can even include them in some of our self-care practices; this has the beneficial side effect of encouraging our children to create their own beautiful self-care habits from an early age.

Editors Note: To help you with this, we have created a simple 30-day printable journal called the 3-2-1 Self-Love Journal.

Click here to learn more

#9 Connect with Other Parents

friends-for-support_48734120Finding connection with other parents helps us feel less alone and more part of a community; it reminds us no one is perfect and that we’re all just doing our best.

Here are some ideas for finding parents to connect with:

  • Join local parenting groups
  • Reach out to existing friends
  • Start a playgroup
  • Connect with parents at school
  • Find online parenting groups

It can take time to find like-minded parents and create close connections. Allow time to cultivate and nurture relationships.

When we take time to connect with like-minded moms and dads we often find inspiration and support in our positive parenting journey.

Editors Note: To help you with this, we have created an extensive support community called the AFineParent Academy.

Click here to learn more

#10 Give Ourselves Grace

Parenting Stress - Touch and ConnectBeing a parent is not an easy job. It’s important to give ourselves grace.

Giving ourselves grace means letting go of the idea of being a perfect parent. Our children don’t need us to be perfect. In fact, when we let go of perfection and allow ourselves to be authentic, we also give our children permission to honor who they are.

Practicing grace not only helps us during the more challenging times of our positive parenting journey; it also helps model self-compassion for our children.

We are enough just as we are. We are doing our best! Know that each moment is a new opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and our children.

The Journey of Positive Parenting

Positive parenting will certainly have its ups and downs, but over time our paths will begin to smooth out.

When we find ourselves faced with seemingly large obstacles, we can choose to approach them with curiosity and a willingness to learn and grow. Over time we will be more able to tune into what works best for us and our families.

Taking time to celebrate our big and little wins will help us to stay motivated on this challenging yet rewarding path. The journey of positive parenting takes time and isn’t always easy, but it will help us parent our kids from a place of love.

Love this article? Receive others just like it once per week directly in your mailbox. Click here to join us… we’ll even get you started with our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent.

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents

For our 2-minute action plan for fine parents, the focus is on finding confidence and creating a positive parenting path that feels good for you and your family. Here are some self-directed questions to help guide your reflection:

  • What is one thing from the list above that I can practice and explore today?
  • What are some self-care practices that nourish me? (Here are 100 self-care ideas to choose from!)
  • What is a mantra that I can create to help me recenter myself in the more challenging moments of my day?

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

Here are some action steps you can take to care for yourself that will, in turn, allow for connections with your kids in a way that feels authentic. You can be the parent you want to be!

  • Prioritize your self-care daily, so you can parent from a place of calm instead of burnout.
  • Take time to connect with your children at a heart level.
  • Allow space for feelings: both your own and your child’s feelings.
  • Use your mantra anytime you feel triggered.
  • Take time to connect with other parents and create meaningful friendships.

As parents, we are always learning and growing. So be sure to give yourself grace and keep going. And always remember, you are worth it!

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About Catherine Wilde

Catherine Wilde is a mom of three, a yoga & meditation teacher, a mindset coach for moms. It is her passion to help moms get out of survival mode so they can be the calm, happy moms they want to be. She believes that you can feel calm and find your unshakable confidence as a parent when you first care for yourself. If you're ready for more support on your parenting and self care journey be sure to visit soulcaremom.com and get your Free Gift – A Self Care Morning Ritual that will help you start your days feeling calm and energized!

Comments

  1. Luna says

    January 12, 2021 at 6:29 am

    This is all very nice. But, you should be aware that there are people who CAN’T do a single thing you’ve mentioned here. There are parents who are so deeply hurt, lonely and damaged that they cannot do anything to “save them from themselves”.
    Connect with other parents??? Hello??? I cannot connect with myself, let alone some annoying I-know-it-all-because-I-have-4-of-them person.

    I’m alone.
    I don’t have a single person to rely on.

    I’ve tried to be a positive parent, but I’m just too damaged for it. I was abandoned and abused in many ways when I was growing up. The best thing I could ever do to my child was not to have her. But it’s too late, obviously.
    And no matter how hard I try to be a good parent, to be positive, attached… I just keep screwing up and falling down deeper and deeper.

    My daughter doesn’t love me. Nothing to be surprised about – I don’t love my mother either. I just can’t believe I’m worse parent than she was. I never thought that was even possible.

    Reply
    • Katherine says

      January 12, 2021 at 10:22 am

      Hi Luna. Your post makes me sad. It sounds like you might be experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed or even depressed. Know that there are others out who can help and that you should ask for help and support. Ask a neighbor, your pediatrician, your doctor, or other community member for help. Being a parent is really hard, and it’s not about being perfect. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself when you make mistakes, and recognize that it is the long-haul, not the minute-by-minute that is important. Hugs.

      Reply
    • Catherine Wilde | Soul Care Mom says

      January 12, 2021 at 2:44 pm

      Hi Luna,

      First of all, thank you for sharing that. You have been through so much, and I’m holding you in my heart as you embark on your healing journey.

      Simply being here and taking the time to read this article shows your love for yourself and your daughter.

      And as Katherine mentioned in her comment, asking for help and support is so important. You don’t have to do it alone. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs there is. Be sure to give yourself grace and love, Mama.

      You are Loved, Luna. ❤️

      Reply
    • sam says

      March 7, 2021 at 1:28 pm

      Hi Luna
      As parents we often think we aren’t doing a good job and the fact that you’re concerned enough to look for a way to be a more positive parent shows that you are 1000x better than a lot of other parents.
      I was (still am) struggling with a number of things including feelings of low self-esteem and self worth. I took some coaching sessions just to figure out whether it is something I can fix or not and unsurprisingly we can work on it. My coach is Farah Halabi – peaceful parenting and mindset coach. Find someone you’re comfortable with and take a free introductory session, hope you find your support soon.
      Regards
      Sara

      Reply
  2. Katherine says

    January 12, 2021 at 10:24 am

    Thank you for these helpful tips. I particularly found your suggestions about recognizing triggers and giving ourselves grace to be helpful, especially during the many challenges this past year has brought for all of us.

    Reply
    • Catherine Wilde | Soul Care Mom says

      January 12, 2021 at 2:53 pm

      Hi Katherine,

      I’m so glad you found these tips helpful. This past year certainly brought many challenges for all of us. I love that giving ourselves grace spoke to you. We are all doing the best we can, and grace is so important.

      Cheering you on and sending you love, Mama. 💕

      Reply

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