Do you think you should exercise more?
After all, you’re a parent now. Taking care of yourself is so much more important…
You want to be able to toss your toddler over your head without worrying about injuring your back.
You want to live a long, active life so you can play pickup games when your kids are in high school and go on long walks someday with your grandkids.
You want to model healthy living for your kids.
And — let’s be honest — you could probably stand to lose a few pounds too, right?
Feeling motivated to hop on a treadmill yet? I didn’t think so.
Here’s the thing– when we talk about living healthy, we usually focus on the “big-picture” benefits. And sure, eventually regular exercise might mean a better overall quality of life or a more sculpted body.
But the choice to exercise isn’t made in the long term. It’s made now, in the short term. And usually, making time for exercise means skimping on something else — like sleep or work or cooking dinner. Which means if you want to make exercise a priority, you need a short-term benefit.
You don’t need a reason to do it someday — you need a reason to do it now.
For most of my life, I’ve avoided exercising.
I enjoy walking to the park with my kids or hiking up a mountain with friends, but running for its own sake (not because I’m in a hurry to get somewhere)? Biking just for the fun of it? Forget about it.
I simply never had time for that kind of thing — and that was before I had kids.
After I had kids, of course, exercising was pretty much the last item on my to-do list, somewhere below playing trains with my toddler, eating and sleeping.
But recently, all that changed — and I’ve discovered a value in exercise that I never expected.
The Invitation That Sparked a Change
Over the past few months, my family has been going through a lot of challenging transitions. I’ve had to end relationships, get a new job, and change where my kids go for childcare.
Our family is in a stage of reinvention — what I’ve done in the past doesn’t work anymore, so I’m willing to change almost everything. In that state of mind, I saw a post from a friend on Facebook inviting anyone who wanted to join her in training for an upcoming half marathon.
When I saw the invitation, my first thought was, I don’t run. But my second thought was, Why not try something new? The next day, for the first time in years, I went for a run.
At first, I hated it as much as I thought I would. My feet hurt. My lungs hurt. It was hot. I was slow.
But I kept going. Not because I really wanted to run a race, or even because I wanted to get in better shape, but just because I wanted to try something different.
And at some point, everything changed.
What Running Did for Me
After only a couple of runs, I had serious doubts about whether I’d ever be able to run 13 miles. I was a little unsure about my ability to run 3!
So I stopped thinking about distances and times, and instead, I started thinking about my body.
At first, it was just common sense — I’d heard that beginning runners often push themselves to injury, and I didn’t want that to happen to me. So I decided I wasn’t going to push myself.
I signed up for an app that generated a training program, and I made a commitment to try to follow it, but I promised myself I wouldn’t run through pain. Instead of trying to make good time, I ran at a comfortable pace. Instead of trying to run without stopping, I ran until I felt like walking, and then when I felt like it, I ran again.
Slowly, I started to enjoy running. But that wasn’t all. I started to tune into my body in ways I hadn’t in a long time.
I became more aware of when I was tired or hungry. I noticed when my feet hurt. I paid attention when my shoulders ached.
For the first time in years, I started to feel connected with my body.
The Importance of Tuning In to Yourself
As parents, it’s incredibly easy for us to tune out of our bodies. For me, it started in pregnancy, when side effects like heartburn, aching feet and sore hips made me tune out of physical feeling out of sheer self-preservation.
After baby arrives, months or even years of sleep deprivation, combined with the painful soreness that comes from pacing for hours while rocking and bouncing a baby in your arms, make it even more likely that you’ll ignore what your body is feeling.
But what starts as desperation can quickly become a habit. And when you make a habit of tuning out of your body, the side effects can include a lot more than just sore feet.
There’s a wide body of research supporting the connection between your mind and your body, but a lot of it boils down to the fact that what you do physically and how you feel emotionally affect each other in complex ways.
When you ignore your body, it becomes a lot easier to ignore your emotions, too. And when you ignore emotions, they express themselves in unhealthy ways — sometimes through your body, and sometimes through your actions. Maybe you’ll just get a headache; maybe you’ll lose your temper with your kids, but emotions won’t stay suppressed forever.
I wasn’t aware that I’d been pushing emotions down. I thought I was relatively healthy and self-aware. But when I started running, I was forced to tune into my body in new ways, and to my surprise, I found myself tuning more into my emotions, too.
Instead of feeling constantly worn down by the daily pressure of cooking dinner and rushing through bedtime, I started to notice the little moments of joy — the picture-perfect moment when my kids cuddled together in bed, or the sweet story my daughter wanted to share with me as she was falling asleep.
Instead of pushing through my exhaustion to get things done after my kids were finally asleep, I started going to bed earlier — and even waking up before my kids sometimes so I could get dressed and drink coffee and still wake them in time for school.
Instead of trying to keep cleaning all afternoon when my feet were aching, I started sitting down on the floor with my kids and playing a game with them.
I started to feel more connected — both with my family and with myself.
I’ve been running for several months now, and to be honest, I don’t feel any different physically. I haven’t lost any weight. I don’t run much faster now than I did when I started (although I can run farther).
But I’m no longer running to improve my physical health.
Because the value I have gained — being more in tune with my emotions and my body, being more mindful and grounded in the present moment — is worth much more than a few pounds gained or lost.
And while I’m sure it’s great that I’m modeling healthy exercise for my kids just by the fact of running, I think the emotional connection I’ve found through running is a lot more valuable.
Sure, I hope that running will make me healthier. I hope my kids see me and decide that exercise is valuable and fun. I hope it keeps me strong for long walks in the park and carrying a growing toddler.
But when I pull on my running shoes and head out the door tomorrow evening, none of those things will be the reason why. No, the thing that will pull me out the door will be a longing — almost a craving — for the feeling of connection I get when I run. Connection with my breathing. Connection with the muscles in my legs. Connection with my feet hitting the pavement.
So today, I registered for the half marathon. I’m still not sure whether I’ll be able to finish the whole thing. But whether I finish in impressive time or come walking in last just barely under the limit, I’m certain of one thing: I’ll be listening to my body every step of the way.
The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents
Do you think you could use the emotional benefits of exercise by getting more connected with your body? Try this:
- Do a 20-second workout. Run as hard as you can for 20 seconds. Then rest and pay attention to your body. Notice how it feels to push yourself physically for a short period of time. If you feel like it, do it again.
- Throughout the day, pay attention to how you feel. When you’re tired, sit down for a break. When you’re hungry, eat. You might find this helps you tune in to how your kids are feeling, too!
The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents
Want to go a step further? Over the next two weeks, start exercising:
- Choose a physical activity that feels good to you when you do it. Whether it’s walking, biking, running, tennis, dancing or kick boxing — pick something that feels good when you’re in the middle of it.
- Schedule time to exercise at least four times over the next two weeks. (That’s only about 2 hours total!) As you’re exercising, pay attention to your body. Slow down when you need to, and rest when you need to. Notice how you feel throughout the activity.
- After exercising, take a few minutes to breathe deeply and relax your whole body.
Great article Lisa. Thanks for writing it. I used to be an avid runner — ran 300 kms in the month prior to my son’s birth and it’s been a sad decline since then.
Your article has inspired me to re-connect with the lost art/joy/skill of running and reconnecting with my body. Thanks for a great post!
Thanks, Ash! I ran 10 miles yesterday. It was awesome during the run but now I have blisters on my feet — first blisters since I started running so I guess that’s not bad, but still. Ouch.
@Ash, 300 km in one month averages out to 10 km per day — that’s pretty impressive 🙂 I hope this does inspire you to get back into running!
@Lisa, Ouch… I hope you can take care of those blisters fast and get back into the running groove! I’m trying to get in 20 minutes on the elliptical each weekday… been at it for a few weeks now. Hope I can keep the streak going…
Blisters, schmisters! 😉 I can’t slow down now; I’ve got a race in November! I’m going to get some different shoes though. Just for a, um, change of pace (pun not really intended).
Ha! Now, that’s the spirit. Go for it, girl!!! 🙂
Definitely not what I thought but glad. 🙂 Food for thought before the holidays as well, thank you!
Glad the headline didn’t mislead! 😉
@Bernadette, thanks for that comment! When Lisa sent me this article for review, I resonated strongly with it, but wasn’t sure if others would connect to it… happy to hear from you (one of the oldest members of our community!) that it worked for you as well. I appreciate that you took the time to provide the valuable feedback 🙂
Sumitha, thank you. 🙂 Thank you for this site as well. It’s given me food for thought, insight, better book lists and makes me think a bit more. Kudos to you for all of the work you put into the site!
Awww…. you just made my day! 🙂
Nice piece! I think the key to success for something long term like exercise is to make it part of the non-negotiable routine, like work or meals. I swim every day, and at first I had to make myself do it, but now after years of making it not optional it’s something I simply do and feel bad if I don’t. I like the break from other things I’m doing, and I like moving my whole body. I also explained to my kids the other day that supposedly exercise can help stave off dementia (which there is a history of in my family) and by staying fit I hope to spare them the burden of caring for me like that.
I don’t think you should worry about dementia, Korinthia — between restoring the mold-a-rama machine, the wonderful costumes you’re putting together and all the other wonderful projects you come up with, I think your brain will stay exercised and sharp as ever 🙂 That said, I’m sure the swimming habit is definitely a step in the right direction! I agree, turning it into a routine is key… that’s the only way I can get any exercise done (I’m convinced — after a lot of trial and error — that “will power” and “discipline” are probably the least effective ways to exercise regularly!)
I can relate with so many things mentioned in this article. I do feel the need of doing exercise, at times start too but also stopped in no time. The lack of continuity is the hurdle I am not able to cross
@Papiya, I can totally relate to that. I have a history of on-again off-again exercise habit too!
The thing that is working for me right now is to have a fixed time to start exercising and committing to doing just 20 minutes each day. I’ve stuck to that for several weeks now and I continue to exercise simply because I don’t want to break the streak. Also, I am thinking to put a calendar right next to the exercise machine so I can check off each date that I exercise, with the goal each month being to check off more days than the previous month. This way, even if I do break the streak, I have a reason to get back to it soon (this was my undoing last time… I broke the streak once, and then didn’t get around to starting again for a loooong time!)
Great article, however, a word of caution… especially if you’re a parent. It might be better to start with some basic core exercises first which can be done at home.
Being a parent, I’ve had my lower back and hips etc. take on a lot of strain due to lifting the kids, their car seats etc. Probably due to a weak core… Not sure if running as an example would put too much strain on the lower back if the core is weak.
The last thing we need as parents is an injury from exercise.
Things like the superman and planks are a great way to start as they can be done at home… this would at least give you a good indication of your fitness level.
This post struck a cord with me, thanks 🙂
Good point, Mitesh.
I think when Lisa started, her primary intent was to be mindful of how her body felt and ensure that she does not get injured. Running was just her chosen exercise that illustrates the point, not necessarily what she advocates that all parents should follow. Most of my exercise, for instance, happens on an elliptical machine at home.
That said, I totally agree with you about lower back pain. I know way too many parents that suffer from it (me included!) and this is definitely something to keep in mind while we pick an exercise to go with, and build a regular habit. Thanks for pointing it out!
Great article Lisa! Exercise helps me clear my head! As for lower back pain and strain my chiropractor told me that hamstring stretching everyday can help.
Great article. Lots of great points made!
I think one of the most important things to do for exercise is to determine your “Why” ?
What is your reason for doing it?
Your WHY has to be very strong initially. Once you determine your why – use that motivation then to get you started. There’s a saying that goes
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going”
And similarly to like what @Korinthia said – this habit will eventually become a non-negotiable for you. And that’s when you’ll be in your groove. If you miss a day or two or three – you’ll just feel out of sync. It will start to affect your mood and other parts of your life. That’s because exercising is a Keystone habit. It’s a habit that once it’s started – it has a ripple effect into other areas of your life.
I’ve been working out now consistently for 20 years. There hasn’t been a year where I haven’t done some form of exercise whether it be lifting weights, playing sports or doing martial arts. The longest I’ve gone without exercising has been perhaps a month or 2 due to an injury. I’m married and have 2 young kids and I always make time for it because
1- I feel so much better when I do
2- I want to be a good role model for my kids and want them to lead a healthy lifestyle also
3 – it’s now become a natural habit, just like breathing
As @Sumitha said – track your progress and don’t break the stride. You can even start off by doing something small each day. Like start by doing only 1 situp before you go in the shower. And each day make it your goal to do one more. Small wins are what you need to keep the momentum going!
@SimpleRyan — 20 years of consistent exercising is awesome!. Do you go to a gym to do the exercise? I’ve thought about this (and even got gym memberships earlier when it was reimbursed by the company :)). But the problem I have with going to a gym is that the moment the weather turns bad, my exercise habit drops… My brain is very good at making even a moderately cold or rainy day look like an expedition to Antarctica! I’m trying to get into the habit of using the elliptical we have at home… it’s kind of boring, but I feel like this is my only hope of turning exercise into a consistent habit like you, Lisa and Korinthia are talking about.
Thanks Sumitha!
Honestly – this all started when I was in high school. Like any other scrawny high school senior boy, you want to get buff to attract the ladies and be the popular guy at school. So me and a bunch of buddies starting lifting weights. I really got into it…loved how I felt…and the rest is history. 🙂
I always switch it up. I have a gym membership, but these days I’m only there maybe twice a week…3 times IF I’m lucky.(I’ve got 2 kids, so they take up a lot of my time) Last year I started taking boxing and Jiu Jitsu classes twice a week which I’m loving. But every morning when I wake up, I do about 10mins of some quick exercises before I jump in the shower. Nothing fancy…just some push ups, crunches, running on the spot,etc..
Your brain is an amazing device. You can use it to motivate you or it can be used against you.
If you really want to get into the habit of exercising, and you find it hard to keep at it – May I suggest a few things
1 – start small.
So for example – set a goal. Using the elliptical as an example. Set a small goal to use the elliptical for 5 mins 3 days a week. That’s it. Just get on it for 5 mins. Then get off.
After you do that for one month – set another goal to increase the time to 15mins.
The next month – increase to 30mins.
You need to set small goals. Achieve those goals..then increase them slowly
2 – Make it fun.
If you hate what you’re doing – you’re not going to do it. So find something that’s fun for you. Something that you enjoy. Maybe it’s swimming, running, weight training, yoga class, crossfit, exercising with a friend. Whatever it is. Try out different things until you find what it is that you like
3 – Reward yourself
After you achieve your goal – reward yourself. So for example, after you use the elliptical for 5 mins – reward yourself with something you like.
Maybe a glass of wine? Maybe 30 mins watching your favorite TV show? Maybe a piece of chocolate? (yes, I know that wine and chocolate aren’t the best healthy choices after working out..but that’s not the point)
Mentally – you need to feel good. So reward yourself with something small. After doing it for one month, and starting to feel better – you’ll feel silly eating chocolate after exercising and you’ll stop doing it. But it will help you to get started.
It’s like pushing a stalled car. It’s hard to get it moving at first – but once you do – it will roll along much easier.
Hope that helps!
Impressing the ladies in your adolescence is probably one of the best motivators to do anything… so happy to hear that you turned it into a wonderful exercise habit 😉
You make some very good points – especially about hacking the brain. I am always fascinated to read about how to train your brain to form habits, but my brain just seems to stay one step ahead of me when it comes to the exercise habit 🙁
I’ve been going for a few weeks now with 20 mins on the elliptical each weekday, while listening to a good book. I even reward myself with a free pass to eat lunch out if I exercise regularly and have salad at least 2 times a week (which is a really good reward for a foodie like me!) But still, even now, everyday I have to drag myself to the machine. I somehow never quite experienced the runner’s high or swimmers calm or the exercise rush like you guys mentioned! Hopefully some day (if I keep at this for long enough)….
Maybe you need a different exercise Sumitha.
If you still find that you have to drag yourself to it, (almost like how my parents used to drag me to piano lessons) (lol)…then maybe it’s time to try something different. Maybe try joining a class? By exercising with other women, you’ll form relationships and it’ll be much more enjoyable doing it together. Plus – you could probably go out for drinks afterwards sometimes. 🙂
I honestly think that life is too short to waste it doing something you hate. Find something that you like, and do that instead.
I agree @SimpleRyan. A good friend of mine has been hinting at signing up for a 5K and I’ve been pushing back… maybe it’s time to take her up on that. She’s someone I enjoy hanging out with — so that’s good too! Thanks for the nudge 🙂
See!
There ya go!… it’ll be fun. Look at it as a way to spend more time with her and be healthy!
Total Win-Win!
🙂
Lisa, that’s great that you’re taking time to train for the half marathon. My old high school friends and I trained together for a half marathon when we turned 40. I remember we had t-shirts made just for us that had a picture of high heels running the course with the phrase: The Turning 40 Gals: Once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed!
Like you, I started from ground zero, but I followed Hal Higdon’s half-marathon training regimen and finished the race just under 2 hours. I felt on top of the world after that race. Unfortunately, in the five years since, I have once again shoved exercise to the back burner.
It’s so true that exercise or lack there of has a rippling effect into other areas of life. As a writer and middle-age mother of three, most days than not, I convince myself that I don’t have enough time to exercise. And on those days I feel sluggish, am easily distracted, worry more about things I have no control over, and have difficulty sleeping.
But on the days that I DO fit in a workout, whether it’s a half hour on the treadmill, a speedy 2-mile walk outdoors, or floor exercises while watching the news, my whole outlook changes. It’s like that feeling you get when spring is right around the corner. That hopeful, inspired, hot mama sort of feeling.
I wish you all the best. You’ve inspired me. Today, I’m going to exercise!
And with that, you’ve inspired me, Julie… Off I go to clock my 20 minutes on the elliptical now 🙂
(PS: I’d never really paid attention to “And on those days I feel sluggish, am easily distracted, worry more about things I have no control over, and have difficulty sleeping”…but every single one of those is so true in my case as well! It’s amazing how I still find it hard to get into a consistent exercise habit!!!!)