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Kids take things for granted: the food they eat, the clothes they wear, their toys, trips, extracurriculars.

And why wouldn’t they? For most kids, food appears when they are hungry, there are clothes in the closet, and a list for Santa is an annual tradition.

How do we teach our kids to be grateful, especially for the things they take for granted?

My kids say thank you for meals at dinnertime mainly because it has been drilled into them since they first sat in a highchair: you thank the person who provides you with food. Same with thanking gift-givers and treat providers. “What do you say to Grammie for that baseball?” In fact, teaching please and thank you becomes so ingrained as a parent that you might find yourself, as I often did, catching yourself saying “What do you say…?” before the kids have time to even spit out their thanks.

When my kids were three or four I was so proud of them when they piped out a “thank you” without prompting I’d heave a little internal sigh: at least I’ve done something right as a parent!

But gratitude, as we all know, goes way beyond mouthing thanks for the things we are given.

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Kids are naturally selfish – me, me, me and mine, mine, mine. Not surprising: in the early months and years, it is all about them. So how do we teach our kids to think of others and to treat other people with kindness and compassion?

Kindness and compassion are rooted in empathy and stem from the golden rule of treating others how we wish to be treated ourselves.

Some days, though, I can spout the golden rule ‘til the cows come home and yet it feels like it never sinks in. You encourage compassion, you support acts of kindness, and you try your best to demonstrate empathy, and yet five minutes later the kids are arguing over who sets the table more often and wrestling over the Xbox controllers.

“Be nice to your sister!” you say. “Don’t talk that way to your brother!”

“Blah, blah, blah,” is what they hear.

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“It’s not fair!”

All day yesterday I listened to my 9 year-old son tell me that my decision to have him stay home and not play with his friends was completely unfair.

There were too many chores that needed doing, and, besides, he’d been at school all week and had barely interacted with his little sister in days. I wanted to give my daughter the quality time with her older brother she’d been craving since Monday.

“But, it’s not fair!” he cried then. “I didn’t get to play with them all week!”

“And it’s not fair to your sister,” I explained. “She hasn’t gotten to play with you all week. She loves you and wants to spend time with you. And she wants to feel like her big brother wants to spend time with her, too. So, do that for me today and you can see your friends tomorrow.”

He sucked up his frustration – albeit with some final grumbling – and feigned having fun playing with his sister. Soon enough, he didn’t need to pretend anymore. He was legitimately having a good time.

Yet, it was inevitable that he’d remind me today of the deal we’d struck yesterday. Just as it was inevitable that the unfairness baton would be passed to my daughter, who would turn her focus inward and complain about the wrong she perceived being done to her.

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For some kids, heading back to school is something to look forward to – the excitement of seeing their friends again, the anticipation of playing on sports teams, and the intrigue of meeting the new teacher. These kids are planning their first-day-of-school outfits and chattering about resuming favorite recess activities.

For some of the other children, the thought of the new school year on the horizon brings not eager enthusiasm but anxiety. And for anxious little ones who are just starting school, the anxiety is even worse: what to expect?

Most kids though will likely feel a little bit of both – excitement on one day, anxiety the next.

How do we help our kids in that second and third category get over the dread of heading back to school? 

Creative activities are a great way to help relieve feelings of stress. Below you will find arts and crafts that are specifically geared towards helping kids get over their back-to-school anxiety. Whether you have a little one just starting school or an older kid returning to school, we’ve got you covered. 

Here take a look –

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“AAAAAAAAARRRRR!” She roars.

It is her tenth attempt to hit the stupid little white ball into the stupid little hole with the stupid mini-golf club.

And then – wham! – she slams the golf club into the fake turf … and – whoosh! – she throws the golf club into the shrubs. Everyone watches in horror. She stomps off.

This wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last.

Do you have a child who has trouble managing frustration? Please take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Many kids (and adults, for that matter) have trouble with frustration, disappointment, and facing challenges.

Before I continue, I want to let you know I understand how it feels to be that child; the one who’s deeply frustrated and acts out. I understand, because I sheepishly admit that I was the girl up there.

I was the one who threw mini-golf clubs.

I had a terrible time managing my emotions when things were hard for me. When the going got tough, I got going – literally.

I would bail in all sorts of ways: I’d fake tummy-aches or “accidentally” fall in races I thought I wouldn’t win. I would quit the card game and stop trying my best any time I could smell failure approaching.

I bailed a lot as a kid because I lacked a way to help myself through challenges, see my way over hurdles, and get myself to the finish line no matter what.

In short, I lacked what we call in today’s parenting lingo “grit” and “resilience.”

When I became a mom, one of my big goals was to raise my children to be NOT like me in this regard. I had my work cut out for me, because as the wise Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection, says, “We cannot give our children what we do not have ourselves.”

So, in pursuing my goal to raise gritty and resilient kids, I had to learn what those things meant, then learn to do it for myself, and simultaneously teach it to my children.

I learned some super-valuable things along the way and I’d like to share them with you here. My hope is to help you create an environment in which you and your children can truly thrive.
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