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How to Go From a Buzzkill to a Top Motivator With One Simple Vocabulary Tweak

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

power of and - mainWe’ve all had it said to us.

You’re boss has said it.

“You did really awesome on the project, but your teamwork could use some improvement.”

Your mom has said it.

“I am proud at how successful you are, but when are you getting married?”

Your best friend has said it.

“You look really pretty in that dress, but you would look so good with your hair down!”

Do you even remember the first part of that sentence?  The part that came before the ‘but’?  You know, the compliment?

It turns out no one does. Especially not our kids.

But we’re supposed to give feedback, right? Isn’t that how we help our kids develop grit and resilience?  Isn’t this how we help them build up and develop their talents?

How can we help them grow and achieve wonderful things if they think we don’t value them? If they believe they’ll never be good enough?

Don’t worry. There IS a way.

To be the positive parent you’ve always wanted to be, get our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent.

We’ll get back to it in a second. First though lets explore…

[Read more…]

10 Simple Tools From Parenting and Psychology Experts That Will Make You a Better Parent

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

PPC Deep Dive Parenting Tools - MainWhy does parenting have to be so complicated!?!

There are so many things to know! And not just know, but to be an expert on. During my almost 12 years of parenting I feel like have had to become an executive assistant, strategic planner, dietician, psychologist, nurse, and wizard. (If only that last one came with a wand!)

And I’m constantly searching the Internet for ways I can be a more effective parent. That’s why I go looking for simple and easy tools. I don’t have time for complicated and hard!

I was helping Sumitha summarize the “deep dive” talks for her FREE online Positive Parenting Conference and I found myself jotting down note after note about the simplest things I can do to help get through my most complicated parenting issues.

Like handling school stress. Just last night my oldest called me into his room at bedtime and let out all his anxiety and anger about these Basic Skills Tests that he and his class have been taking for the last 9 days. It turns out that he’s so anxious his feelings are leaking into his relationships with his friends and coming out as anger.

Because of all these amazing experts I was able listen to him and then help him to express his anxiety and reframe these tiffs and hard words with his friends into something not quite so scary. (You’ll read more about all that below!)

I’ve put together a list of these simple tools from 10 amazing experts that helped me with the parenting issues I feel most at-sea about.  I know they will help you, too!

[Read more…]

6 Simple Perspective Shifts that Will Transform Your Parenting

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

PPC_Perspective_ShiftsHere’s a parenting conundrum for you…

Sometimes you chug along… Everything flows smoothly. You are on top of your game. Every time you see your friends struggling with this particular aspect of parenting, you wonder: Why? What is the big deal?

And then there are other times when you just can’t seem to get something right. It doesn’t matter how hard you try or how many new “techniques” you test… some issues that bothered you when your kids were 3, are still issues when they are 13. And you’re just stuck and spinning your wheels.

Case in point: I have a tween. Some days we are getting along great. He wants to spend time with me. We are having deep conversations about what is going on in his life. I’m rejoicing that we have such a close and loving relationship. And then I’m suddenly on a tilt-a-whirl! Suddenly he’s mad and shouting and then I’m shouting and then WHAM! He’s stomped up to his room and slammed the door. It doesn’t matter how many times we go through this it’s always the same and I just can’t figure out why.

What gives? Why is it that we are so good at a few things, and suck at others?

Turns out there is a simple explanation – perspective.

I was putting together the summaries for the talks at the FREE online Positive Parenting Conference that Sumitha is working on, and every now and then the speaker would say something that made me go “Aha!”

These are fundamental shifts that knock down some long held belief or value. Or makes you see things in a completely different light.  It’s these that make the difference between whether we ace an aspect of parenting, or struggle with it endlessly.

I’ve put together a few of these perspective shifts for you to consider. Take a look. Who knows… maybe one of these will transform one of your “I don’t know what to do” items into a “I’ve totally got this” item!

Alright, here we go –

[Read more…]

How to Parent Bravely in a Culture of Fear

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Parenting Bravely - Culture of Fear - MainI long, in a romantic, nostalgic way, for the days of my childhood.

Running in open fields. Biking down the road with my friends. Building forts and dams down by the creek. Camping in the woods.  With nary an adult in sight.

But that nostalgic longing isn’t about me.  I am sad my kids can’t experience the wild freedom of my childhood.

And why can’t I give my kids have that same carefree childhood that I had?

Fear.

I fear for my children. For their safety. I fear that they will be kidnapped. Hit by a car. Harmed by doing something because they didn’t think through to their consequences.  I fear the consequences will be more than I can bear.

Parenting isn’t for wimps. It is soul-wrenchingly awful to let your heart out of your body and go walking around where you have no control and can’t protect it.

Before I had even realized it, I had forgotten the carefree joys of my childhood. And had turned into a clichéd helicopter parent.

I would strive to shield them from all consequences. I would hold their hands tightly as we crossed any street. I would stop them just as they were about to jump off the playground equipment, a mere 2 feet in the air.

It takes a lot of guts and bravery to let our children go and live their lives. I used to think that moving across the country alone with 2 suitcases, no job, and $1000 was the bravest thing I ever did.

Nope. Now I realize, that pales in comparison to parenting.

Parenting has been the scariest thing I’ve ever attempted. I think I was more terrified than my kids on their first day of pre-school. And that was only the start!

I couldn’t keep going down that path though. Because soon I realized, as kids grow older, so do the number of things I could be scared of. Continuing down that path of fearful parenting would someday have lead me to a nervous breakdown.

I chose to learn how to parent bravely. It hasn’t always been easy. And it’s a conscious effort. Here are 4 key things I learned along the way.

Editor’s Note: To be the strong, supportive parent you’ve always wanted to be, click here to get our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent.

[Read more…]

100 Easy Ways to Connect with Your Children

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

100 Easy Ways to Connect with Your ChildrenDoesn’t it sometimes catch you by surprise how hectic our world has become?

We’re running all over the place, scheduled to the absolute limit of space and time. There are some days when I have been so busy it has taken me until 4 pm to notice that my kiddos still have a smear of breakfast Nutella on their faces!

It makes me worry.  Life, for all of us, is only going to get busier and busier. And If I can’t even find time to really look at them for breakfast smears how on earth am I going to stay connected to them as they grow up??

Thankfully, with just a little bit of intentional action, there are lots of easy ways for us to stay connected with our kids.

I’ve made a list of 100 of these. Many of them only take about 10 minutes of real, quality time, and some not even that. Doing just a few of these everyday will create a deep and meaningful connection that will keep us bonded together despite our hectic lives.

Bookmark this page and come back to it often to spark up some new ideas in your mind to stay connected throughout the year. OK, here we go – [Read more…]

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Disclaimers and Such:
Fair Warning: While none of this is professional advice, it is powerful stuff and could potentially change your life!
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