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Intuitive Parenting Vs. Research-Guided Parenting – Which One is Better?

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Intuitive Parenting Vs. Research-Guided Parenting – Which One is Better?The boys are fighting. Again. Probably over a Lego minifigure, if history is any guide.

Part of me thinks, This time I’m going to stay out of it. I’m going to have them work it out themselves.

And then my youngest begins to shriek and I can’t stand it. My gut tells me I need to intervene.

I swoop in and try to determine who “owns” it and when they can’t stop yelling at each other long enough to even hear me I impound it, adding it to the bin of other impounded toys.

Did that solve anything?

They are still yelling – at me, now.

They are still angry.

They still haven’t learned anything. (Except possibly that the youngest’s shriek will send me running into the room.)

A lot of parenting is going with your gut. Does this feel right? Does this fit in with how I function as a human being? Does this fit in with my vision of how I want my children to act and behave?

To be the positive parent you’ve always wanted to be, click here to get our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent.

Most of the time my gut is right. I have a strong sense of self and well-honed instinct. If my gut told me to go and comfort my crying baby I did it. If my gut told me they were fussy because they were hungry I gave them a snack. When my instinct told me to back off and let my second grader struggle with that math problem a little longer I listened.

And most of the time it worked out.

Sometimes, however that gut instinct was actually me being triggered. That shriek that sounded off like an alarm bell in the middle of the boys’ argument? It turns out that is a huge trigger. That isn’t me following my instinct. That is one of my buttons being pushed and me responding like a well-trained dog.

Okay, I am not actually a well-trained dog. It turns out there is a ton of scientific research out there that has been done on parenting. Thousands of websites, research papers, and books have been researched and written on parenting and child development.

There are numerous experts out there who can tell you, in obsessive detail, about how the brains of children develop and how our parenting choices effect that development. There are also experts that can help me learn how to recognize how my own brain works and how to disarm those trigger buttons of mine.

Any of that research could have been helpful to me during the argument between my two boys. Let’s break down that argument and my response using just four researchers and their theories.

[Read more…]

How to Use Connected Parenting to Peacefully Eliminate Outbursts and Solve Problem Behaviors

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Connected Parenting_main_82640241I am not going to do it and you can’t make me!!!

My youngest is now laying on the floor, screaming out a guttural cry of defiance like some kind of Scottish warrior in Braveheart. Laying next to him is the cause for all this yelling and crying – his violin.

He does NOT want to play his violin.

Not today. Not tomorrow. Not now. Not in 5 minutes. Not in an hour. Not. Ever.

“NEVEAHHHHHHHHHRRRRRR!” he shouts, writhing on the ground.

We have come to an impasse.

Because there is nothing I can do or say right now that is going to cajole him into playing his violin. No bribe in the world will be big enough, no promise I can make grand enough to get him up off the ground and happily practicing Go Tell Aunt Rhody.

Here are a few of the thoughts that crossed my mind during this episode:

  1. Oh my God!
  2. What is wrong with him?
  3. If he screams loud enough the windows are going to break.
  4. I wonder if the neighbors can hear this.
  5. Are they going to call CPS on me?
  6. How am I going to get him to practice?
  7. His lesson this week is going to be awful.
  8. Why is he doing this to me?

But is he doing this to me? Or am I doing this to him? Or are we doing this to each other? And what is this?

[Read more…]

100+ Popular Gifts for Infants and Toddlers (Ages 0 – 3 Years Old)

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Gift Guides series. Get free article updates here.)

Buying gifts for my kids, nieces, nephews and my kids’ friends is something I both love absolutely and dread fiercely…

My problem is, I get sucked into hopping from one popular toy to another and looking at the reviews forever.

If you don’t want to go down that path this holiday season, we’ve done the work for you!

Here are the most popular gifts for your little ones, their friends, nieces, nephews, grandkids and more.

And the best part?

They are all from Amazon, they all have a 4+ rating from tons of reviews and most are available through Prime shipping, so even if you are shopping at the very last minute, you might still be able to get them in time!

Many of these I gave to my own children. A lot of them I specifically picked because we use them in the toddler room at my Montessori Preschool (the ones for ages 3+ are used with supervision). Some of these are “classic” enough that you may have played with them when you were a toddler!
[Read more…]

100+ Popular Gifts for Pre-Schoolers (Ages 3 – 5 Years Old)

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Gift Guides series. Get free article updates here.)

I don’t know about you, but it seems like lately I spend half my time searching Amazon for the perfect gift for my kids, or nieces and nephews, or my kids’ friends. It is enjoyable, but I have one major problem.

My problem is, I get sucked into hopping from one popular toy to another and looking at the reviews forever.

Suddenly two hours are gone from my day and I still don’t know what to buy.

So we at AFineParent.com decided to do the work for you!

Here is a list of the most popular gifts for your little ones, their friends, nieces, nephews, grandkids and more.

And the best part?

They are all from Amazon, they all have a 4+ rating from tons of reviews and most are available through Prime shipping, so even if you are shopping at the very last minute, you might still be able to get them in time!

Many of these I gave to my own children. A lot of them I specifically picked because we use them in the primary class of my Montessori preschool. Some of these are “classic” enough that you may have played with them when you were little!

[Read more…]

100+ Popular Gifts for Elementary School Kids (Ages 6 – 11 Years Old)

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Gift Guides series. Get free article updates here.)

There are so many toys out there.

So. Many.

So just how do you know that this toy is the right toy for your beloved little son, daughter, niece, nephew, cousin, godchild, or grandchild?

Because we’ve done the work for you!

And the best part?

All these toys are from Amazon, they all have a 4+ rating from tons of reviews and most are available through Prime shipping, so even if you are shopping at the very last minute, you might still be able to get them in time!

Many of these I gave to my own children. Some of these are “classic” enough that you may have played with them when you were a kid!

[Read more…]

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Fair Warning: While none of this is professional advice, it is powerful stuff and could potentially change your life!
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