A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

10 Warning Signs That You Might Be a Helicopter Parent (And How to Stop)

by .
(This article is part of the Be Positive series. Get free article updates here.)

Helicopter Parent - Warning Signs and How to Stop Isn’t it amazing how you turn out to be exactly the kind of parent you swore you would never become?

Before I had kids, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t ever be a hovering Helicopter Parent. After all, I had grown up running free on my family farm with my brother and cousins, coming home only for lunch and dinner.

But somewhere along the way the wires between trying to be a supportive, positive parent and a hovering, helicopter parent got crossed.

Before I knew it, I’d got a job at the preschool my children attended just so I could keep an eye on them. My son’s teacher started to avoid me at school pick-up because I would “chat” and subtly ask for a progress report or suggestions about what else we could do at home to help him reach his full potential.

Heck, my helicoptering tendencies had sneaked into even the most mundane aspects of our everyday life. At one point, I had a 20 minute safety routine just so the kids could play in the yard.  Complete with sunhats, sunscreen, locking the gates to the fenced (of course) backyard, and putting out three reflective cones into the cul-de-sac so cars would know to drive slowly lest one of the children figure out how to undo the lock and make a break for freedom.

And then I followed 2 feet behind them for the entire 15 minutes we were outdoors.

Sounds a bit familiar? Nobody sets out to be a helicopter parent. But, it kind of creeps on you, doesn’t it? Here are 10 more signs.

You Might Be a Helicopter Parent if…

To be the positive parent you’ve always wanted to be, click here get our FREE mini-course How to Be a Positive Parent.

[Read more…]

Active Listening: How to Master the Skill That Will Make You a More Effective Parent

by .
(This article is part of the Emotional Intelligence series. Get free article updates here.)

Active Listening: Title Poster“YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!!!!” 

The scream echoes through the house. As does the slam of the bedroom door.

Have you been there?

It’s an all too familiar family scene. It’s after dinner, homework isn’t even close to being done, and a mild reminder about finishing up a book report has turned into WWIII.

My husband and I look at each other. I have steam coming out of my ears. He looks as if he’s witnessed a car crash.

“I just wish he’d listen to me!” I fume as we straighten the pictures on the walls sent rocking by the shockwaves.

Meanwhile, my son sulks in his room. “I just wish you guys would listen to me!” he vents.

But I AM listening!

Then again, am I really? 

While I was in grad school where I was getting my master’s degree in organization development, I learned that not all listening is created equal. As an organization development (OD) consultant, we practice something called “active listening” as a means to help clients analyze their issues and brainstorm solutions.

I never suspected it then, but I was also learning how to be a more effective parent.

Active listening is a way of fully hearing what the other person is saying. Not just assuming we know what they’re going to say after hearing the first two words and then spending the rest of the time they are talking preparing a perfect response. Instead, active listening focuses on dropping assumptions and working to understand the feelings, motives, and views of the other person.

We don’t quite realize it, but a lot of the time, we as parents, don’t listen actively at all.

How often have you just heard a few words from your kids and jumped in to correct them or offer solutions? How often have you lost patience while kids fumbled to put their complex thoughts and emotions into coherent sentences? How often do you just take a look at the situation and know what needs to be done, without even giving your kids a chance to explain?

Yeah, when I viewed my conversation with my son that evening through the lens of what my professor had told me about active listening, I was quite ashamed.

It was time to try something different.

[Read more…]