“Okay, Buddy, it’s time to put your shoes on. We have to go.”

“I don’t want to.”

“You have to wear shoes… so what are we going to do?”

“But Mom, those shoes need socks. I don’t want to put socks on. I hate socks.”

“Well, okay, what shoes would you like to wear that don’t require socks?”

Our youngest happily trots off to find other shoes that will work for the day.

Yes, this is my life now. It seems surreal to be honest. It wasn’t always like this.

As a parent you know every kid has their own little bunch of quirks. I am a mom of a child that hates to wear socks. Sumitha has bemoaned her child’s refusal to wear jackets, coats or leggings. Lisa has spoken of her daughter’s irrational fear of water. Spend a few minutes looking through the comments on this site (or any parenting site), and you’ll come away with tons of stories about kids refusing to eat, sleep, brush their hair or any number of things that drive us parents insane.

2 years back I used to trip up big time with my son’s Socks Issues. I have 3 sons. Getting them out the door on any given day is like herding cats. Who has the time to deal with the irrational whining about socks, right?

Tears, orders, screaming, threats… we’ve been through it all.

And yet, these days, most of the time instead of power struggles we have peaceful discussions.

Do you want to know what made the difference? A decision to be a positive gentle parent.

I’m going to shoot straight with you. I once was a really negative parent. In fact, I was a bit of a negative person all the way around. It is going to show through what you are about to read.

I still struggle not to judge myself for how harshly I once judged something I knew nothing about.

And the switch to positive parenting has neither been easy nor without epic fails.

But I can say one thing unequivocally — this choice has turned my home from a constant battlefield to a place of calm, open communication.

I hope something here will resonate with you if you are struggling with parenting. According to a study conducted by Oregon State University, “Children who experienced high levels of negative parenting were more likely to be antisocial and delinquent as adolescents.” I know no parent wants these results for their children, but the change begins with us.

So, I am going to be candid. I’m going to share with you the good, the bad and the ugly of [Read more…]

“Mom, do I really have to invite him to my party? I don’t like him!”

Have you ever had these awkward conversations with your child?

Yes, I’ve been there too!

Here’s the thing — not everyone we come across in our lifetime will be a peach. We won’t get along with all of them nor really enjoy being around all of them.

That however does not give us the license to be mean or rude.

Being able to deal with those who we don’t see eye-to-eye with in a healthy, respectful manner is essential to being a decent human being. And that is what I want to raise my kids to be.

Besides, research shows that good social skills – the ability to interact with all kinds of people, including those whom we may not like – is key to career success… from being able to ace an interview to securing funding for entrepreneurial ventures.

So, it is in our best interest to teach our kids how to deal with other kids they don’t like.

After some digging around, here’s what I’ve found to be a good approach –

[Read more…]

It was the Monday after a weekend of having guests in the house and the messy aftermath was demanding my attention…as was my 3-year-old daughter. She wanted me to watch her dance, draw with her, play blocks; it seemed to be even more urgent now that there was a load of laundry to hang out and vacuuming to be done. 

As she continued to ask for my time and as I continued to attempt to finish chores, I realized that neither one of us were getting what we wanted and the mood was becoming quite tense. I was at my breaking point when, suddenly, I had an ‘aha’ moment. 

Why can’t we just make it work for both of us? 

It seemed so simple. “Oh dear,” I said. “You want to be with me and I have chores to do! You know, I could use some help. Could you help me please?” 

Her eyes lit up. “Of course!” It seemed that what she really wanted was to connect with me and to be included in my day.

Together we got through a few chores before she felt connected to me again and wandered off to play independently.  [Read more…]

Coming home from work at six in the evening, I stared in dismay as I stepped into my daughter’s room. Her school books lay untouched and her room looked as though a cyclone had recently touched base. 

“What is this?” I tried (unsuccessfully) not to shout. “Didn’t I call and tell you to finish your school work and tidy your room before I returned?” 

My 11-year-old daughter looked confused. 

“Oh, yes…,” my daughter said, looking around the room as though someone had just shone a light on it. “I didn’t remember…” she said softly.

What am I doing wrong, I thought? Why is it so difficult for my daughter to remember a few simple chores? Now that school had shifted back to in-person mode, was it getting too tough for my child to collect and retain everything that needed to be done? Why was my daughter so scattered that she could not complete simple organizational tasks- even when I asked her to do them?

As frustrating as it may feel to watch our child’s disorganization interfere with their success, it is most likely not due to a lack of motivation. Dr. Peg Dawson, a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of “Smart but Scattered Kids,” reminds us that children are still developing the executive skills needed to be organized.

Executive skills are the brain-based processes that help children regulate their behavior and set and achieve goals. Executive skills are managed in the frontal lobe of the brain and while they begin to develop shortly after birth, they will take up to 25 years to mature!  [Read more…]

As my two-year-old son was playing on a crowded playground, he made a quick dash to climb up a ladder. I instantly sucked in a deep breath as he lumbered his way awkwardly up the steps. The urge to jump in and help him was strong…but I held back, only staying close by in case something went terribly wrong. 

As he made it to the top of the ladder and turned around to give me a smile, my heart skipped a beat with pride; I was relieved that I had held back and allowed him to figure it out himself. 

It is a natural instinct for parents to want to protect their children from adversity. While my son is young and adversity comes in the form of a playground ladder, I can imagine how this will shift and evolve as my son gets older. Learning basic motor skills and tackling self-care will move to making friends, being successful in school, overcoming peer pressure…and the list just goes on. 

Our children MUST learn how to be resilient in order to find success and overcome the obstacles they will face as a human. If we sweep in to save our children from every bit of difficulty, we actually do them a disservice. We send the message that when life gets tough, someone will always help you out of it and that failure is a scary and negative thing. [Read more…]