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How to Go From a Buzzkill to a Top Motivator With One Simple Vocabulary Tweak

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

power of and - mainWe’ve all had it said to us.

Your boss has said it:

“You did really awesome on the project, but your teamwork could use some improvement.”

Your mom has said it:

“I am proud of how successful you are, but when are you getting married?”

Your best friend has said it.

“You look really pretty in that dress, but you would look so good with your hair down!”

Do you even remember the first part of that sentence?  The part that came before the ‘but’?  You know, the compliment?

It turns out no one does. Especially not our kids.

But we’re supposed to give feedback, right? Isn’t that how we help our kids develop grit and resilience?  Isn’t this how we help them build up and develop their talents?

How can we help them grow and achieve wonderful things if they think we don’t value them? If they believe they’ll never be good enough?

Don’t worry. There is a way.

We’ll get back to it in a second. First, though, let’s explore…

[Read more…]

How To Raise Kids Who Love Hanging Out With You No Matter How Old They Get

by Kim Biasotto.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Raise Kids Who Love Hanging Out With You - MainDiapers, no sleep, carpool, calls from the school nurse, sports, cooking, yelling, begging, pleading, dating, still no sleep, prom, work, college…

And then, all of a sudden—the nest is empty. The world around you is strangely quiet.

Where did all the time go? Where did my babies go? Will they ever come back to me?

While I know that in life there are no guarantees, I also believe we can raise our kids in a way that, when they get older, there is a good chance they will still love to hang out with us.

My husband and I may have gotten a few things wrong while raising our kids, but we also did a lot right during this time. One of the most important things has been establishing a rock-solid foundation for our relationship with all four of them.

Today, I want to share nine things that I truly believe helped us connect with our kids when they were little—that have helped us stay close even now when they are grown.

[Read more…]

How to Instill a Love of Reading in Your Kids

by Michèle Gamzo.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

How to Instill a Love of Reading in Your Kids - MainDo you feel your kids need a break from their iPads and other devices that seem to buzz and click all the time?

Do you think their attention span could be better?

British neuroscientist Susan Greenfield is one of the many researchers who’ve unveiled some frightening and disturbing findings about devices and children’s attention spans. As part of the study, UK teachers were surveyed, and 91% of teachers believe that children’s attention spans are getting shorter as most children choose to spend time on their devices rather than reading.

As a busy mom (as we all are), I often don’t prioritize reading time with my kids. As a speech pathologist, I know better and am frequently asking myself to prioritize that special time with my children.

As I was going holiday shopping last year, I saw something absolutely astonishing at the department store. There, sitting on the ground among the heaps of clothing, shoes, and angst-ridden, busy shoppers, was a little boy quietly reading! I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was so focused and engrossed in his book, he didn’t even look up to notice my gawkish stares. I quickly pulled my sister over to see, and she was also stunned. I felt like I was watching some extraordinary and rare behavior on the Discovery Channel. [Read more…]

How to Help Your Kids Understand and Curtail Angry Outbursts

by Edie Jones.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

angry-outbursts-mainHave your kids ever screamed at you in total, uncontrolled anger?

Pretty much every mom I know has had this experience – some more than others – and still, every time we experience it, it still feels as raw as the first time it happened.

I recently had a mother pose the situation of her eight-year-old son who was having difficulty with anger. This had motivated her to ask for ways to help him. It usually happened when he didn’t get his way. This would cause him to lose control and was even affecting his ability to make friends.

Reflecting on her question took me back to when my kids were young, remembering how easy it was to respond to such outbursts with my own anger, especially when the outbursts continued.

[Read more…]

How to Be a Positive Parent When Your Growing Up Kids Don’t Want You Around

by Sarah Rosensweet.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Growing Kids MainRecently, my 12-year-old was showing me a school project about his future, including going to college across the country.

The idea of him going away to college wasn’t a fun one, but as cheerfully as I could muster, I said, “I can’t wait to visit you there.”

He blurted back, “You’re not invited!”

He quickly added, “Just joking!” but I got the message.

This little guy—who used to greet me so enthusiastically that onlookers thought we’d been separated for days, not hours—was telling me that he’s not so little anymore.

Our children start out as helpless infants who almost feel like an extension of our own bodies. Someday—in the not-too-distant future—they will be self-sufficient adults, possibly living across the country. It is their job to get there, and our job to support them as they grow, mature, and separate from us. Toddlers want to “Do it myself!” as they strive for independence. Your 8-year-old might like snuggles at home but don’t be surprised when she suddenly drops your hand on the way to the bus. “Someone might see us!” (Yup, it happened to me recently.)

Your child really starts in earnest on the road to independence in the tween/teen years. These can be some of the hardest you face as a parent. Kids this age can seem like children one minute and wise beyond their years the next. They take 2 steps away and one step back.

Not only is your child experiencing the physical upheaval of puberty or pre-puberty, his brain is rewiring and this can be a source of emotional upheaval.

Amid all of this, your child is doing his job and separating from you. You both will experience growing pains.

As a parenting coach and the mama of a teenager, a tween, and a pre-tween, I know how hard these years can be. You are not alone: a recent article stated that “The years surrounding the onset of adolescence are among the most difficult times for mothers. Compared to mothers of infants, these women experience the lowest levels of maternal happiness and are even more stressed than new parents.” It’s hard to move out of the center of your child’s life—let alone be excluded from the circle.

The whole point of parenting is to raise children into adults who no longer need you. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Sentences from my two oldest often start with “No offense, Mom…” I often get karate blocked when I go in for a hug. I’m no longer the first to know how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking.

But I also know certain tweens and teens (ahem) who still ask for tuck-ins and like me to walk them to the door in the morning to say good-bye, who seek me out to pour out their ideas and their hearts when they are in the mood.

How do we stay close to our kids when they are (developmentally appropriately) beginning to move away from us?

We need to parent for both connection AND independence. We have to hold on so they can let go.

Here are some strategies you can use and ideas to keep in mind as your growing child transitions from your little one to an adolescent and eventually, to an adult.

[Read more…]

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Fair Warning: While none of this is professional advice, it is powerful stuff and could potentially change your life!
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