Search Results for: What is

Will you do something for me? Humor me here.

I want you to think about a recent situation you found yourself in that made you feel anxious.

Maybe it was a big meeting or presentation at work. Maybe it was a job interview or a public speaking gig. Maybe it was walking into a doctor’s office or the dentist. Maybe it was because you had a fender bender or forgot to pay a bill. Maybe it was as you were dialing a number to have a conversation with someone that you knew wasn’t going to go well.

Now think about how it made you feel.

Sweaty palms. Racing heart. Shaking hands. The feeling you have to use the bathroom. The feeling you can’t quite catch your breath. Restless legs. Clenched fists. Shutting down. Dizziness. Upset stomach. Tense muscles.

Now think about how that must feel to our children; with their young minds and not yet fully developed coping skills.

Anxiety.

It’s a normal part of our human existence. Everyone feels anxiety at times, as we inevitably will have experiences that present as “high stakes.” Think about professional athletes and how they feel when walking onto the court, the track, the field. Although they may not outwardly show it, even the most seasoned athlete experiences nerves.

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Who taught you about the birds and the bees?

Maybe your parents had an awkward conversation with you or handed you a book to read. Maybe you got bits and pieces of information from your friends. Or maybe you learned from sex education class in school.

Have you thought about when you’ll have the “talk” with your child? And how much information you’ll share at different times?

Will you be proactive to teach your child about sex and puberty?

You may be thinking, my kids are little!  This is not something I need to think about yet!

I thought that, too. My four kids are ages 10 and under and I didn’t think much about it. I thought I had years to go.

I was wrong.

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The days are getting shorter. Ads for notebooks and backpacks are showing up in my inbox. Amazon sent me a personal invitation into their #2 pencil emporium. The frenzy of summer is coming to a close and a whole different frenzy is about to begin.

It’s the start of the School Year.

Nooooooo! My children cry in horror, seeing a crisp, new notebook peeking out of our shopping bag.

For some of us this is old hat. We’ve been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

For others, this is the first time you are sending your precious babies out into the cold, cruel world of school.

As a mom of 9 and 12 year old boys and the Director of Admission of a preschool, I’ve seen this day from many different sides and angles. Here are 5 bits of wisdom that we, the teachers and school staff, would like every parent to know irrespective of whether this is your first ever first-day-of-school, or you are a practiced veteran.

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Many times I’ve looked over at the mom with the quiet well-mannered kids and wondered, “Am I the only one who’s a mess? Why does every other mother seem to have it together?”

As a freelance writer with ten years of experience and counseling psychology graduate degree, I knew how to listen and be empathetic.

But all I knew about “parenting strategies” consisted of time out tactics and the “children should be seen and not heard” mindset I had been raised in.

After spending much of 2017 researching parenting techniques, I gleaned an alternative, which was less about discipline and more about connection. Surprisingly, I learned it’s not getting your kids to listen, but it’s improving your relationship that turns out to be the winning strategy.

However, even though I am a stay-at-home mom now, I worry about how much quality time I’m spending with my son. So that became my next quest.

Here are the 9 things I learned about improving my connection with kids.

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When my children were toddlers, I wanted them to be empathetic and compassionate – to be able to see the world through others’ eyes and to turn that ability into action if help was needed.

I wanted to raise the anti-bully!

And not only did I want an anti-bully, I wanted to raise kids who stood up for the bullied, and also understood the plight of the bully.

I knew I wanted to raise empathetic and compassionate kids; I just didn’t know how to do it.

As it happens, life threw me a curve ball when my kids were five and six years old, ensuring that they would learn empathy right in their own living room.

I had what was supposed to be routine surgery. Fast-forward two months, a host of complications, a few ER visits, and a second surgery later, and I emerged as this: a woman with a painful disability caused by permanent muscle, nerve, and organ damage.

Suddenly, I had to learn to keep myself alive while taking care of my children and managing the day-to-day changes in my life. In those first hectic months, I couldn’t focus on empathy, couldn’t actively try to raise two crusaders for kindness.

It turns out that my children did not forget. Faced with a parent who struggled every day with simple tasks, my children watched and learned.

They learned when they could help. And when to step back. And when to bring me one of their stuffed animals and a hug.

They learned how to walk the tightrope of being sympathetic without being overwhelmed, something that can be hard for children and adults alike.

By watching me struggle, they learned empathy and compassion.

While our situation was unique, what I learned can help you teach your own children how to build empathy.

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