Search Results for: What is

What is Emotional Intelligence and Why You Should Care

by T.A. Barbella.
(This article is part of the Emotional Intelligence series. Get free article updates here.)

It’s there on your bucket list of great parenting – to raise a well-adjusted, successful child who will maximize his potential and flourish as an adult.

But how do you do that? What experiences can you give your child now to help prepare him for a world that grows increasingly complex each day?

Schools push standardized tests and curricula based around STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) or Common Core, but future success is not just about best educational practices.

The latest research indicates that the more likely predictors of future success include not just cognitive learning factors but social and emotional learning tool, starting in preschool through post-secondary education.

In other words, it’s not just about IQ, But EQ – their Emotional Intelligence Quotient – as well.

But Really, What is Emotional Intelligence?

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What is Mindfulness, And How to Reap its Benefits (Even if You Aren’t Into Touchy, Feely, New Agey Stuff)

by Yasmin Gamal.
(This article is part of the Mindful Parenting series. Get free article updates here.)

You’ve heard of mindfulness, right?

I know, silly question. You couldn’t have escaped it unless you were living in a pod in outer space — everybody and their pet seems to be talking about it these days.

But, what is mindfulness? And can you benefit from it even if you’re not quite into the whole touchy, feely, new-agey stuff?

I hear you.

I stumbled on mindfulness by chance, or fate, depending on how you look at it and what you believe. Either way it was a happy incident.

We were in Kuala Lumpur Airport waiting for our plane to arrive and decided to grab a coffee from a place across a bookstore while we waited.

I have a weakness for airport bookstores — traveling helps rid me of my inhibitions and the curse of putting too much thought into what I read. While looking through the shelves rather aimlessly, the book Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace) by Chade-Meng Tan caught my eye. I bought it on an impulse for my husband.

At the time he was busy so I started reading it.

I was hooked.

Before becoming a stay at home mom, I was a software engineer and this book is perfect for those of us who are piqued by mindfulness but could do without the touchy, feely, new-agey vibe.

While reading the book I looked up the Google University session lead by Jon Kabbat-Zinn, a doctor who has been credited with bringing mindfulness to the attention of the west and creating a program which helps fight stress using mindfulness.

His definition of mindfulness is
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How to Cultivate Authentic Gratitude in Your Kids

by Holly Scudero.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

In our house, Christmas is a work in progress, as far as gratitude goes.

Last year we celebrated with just our small, immediate family. And thankfully (or maybe not), there were not a ton of presents underneath our tree. Most of them were either for our older son or for the entire family, so we let him have the pleasure of opening them.

Not surprisingly, we found ourselves repeating a refrain familiar to parents everywhere during the holidays and at birthday parties:

Slow down!

Take time to look at it!

This is not a race!

What we really meant, of course, is that we want our kids to actually appreciate the gifts they’re given. Birthdays and holidays should be more than just a flurry of presents and torn wrapping paper. Everyone likes receiving gifts, but it’s important that we take the time to acknowledge them.

And, more important still, to be thankful for them.

Saying “thank you” is a great start. Maybe give a hug, if both parties feel so inclined. At the least, we want time to mentally note who gave what so that cards can be sent later.

Fact is, we know that our children appreciate the gifts they’re given. Just as they appreciate the other important parenting roles we play.

When our kids are babies, of course, we don’t expect gratitude. We’re content to be their whole world—for those first few months, anyway. We don’t expect to be thanked for [Read more…]

10 Ways to Help Your Kids When the World Seems Scary

by Rebecca Hastings.
(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

It was a normal evening, full of dinner making and homework and activity. My youngest sat at the table doing a math worksheet, my oldest was practicing her flute, and my son was shooting hoops. I stood at the stove, chopping an onion for the sauce. Normal.

“Mom, what’s Sandy Hook?” my youngest asked.

I stopped chopping, grateful my back was to her and also that I had been chopping an onion. Even after all these years the name of that small town in my small state brings tears to my eyes.

I inhaled, and exhaled, perhaps taking a moment too long to answer. She was probably wondering if I heard her. How could I explain this to my little girl? How could I tell her that I still remember exactly where I was sitting and where she was playing as I watched the tragedy unfold on the news? Kids, just like my own, at school, murdered.

I turned to face her, my girl blissfully unaware of the deep heartache those two words held. Sandy Hook was no longer just a small town an hour away; it was forever ingrained as a tragedy. And now my little girl wanted to know about it. Talking to my daughter about handling tragedy was not what I imagined was on our agenda for the evening.

“Where did you hear about Sandy Hook?” I asked sitting next to her.

“Someone said it at school.”

I had braced myself for questions about the recent shootings in the news, but somehow bringing up Sandy Hook caught me off guard. It felt different. Not because it was any more or less tragic, but because [Read more…]

How to Teach Kids about Being Resilient in Relationships

by Dr. Steven Fonso.
(This article is part of the Close-Knit Family series. Get free article updates here.)

There is an old saying that we are programmed and hardwired in our first decade of life from our MFPT; mothers, fathers, preachers, and teachers. These relationships, and the health of them, have a profound impact on how we define what a healthy relationship should look like.

Think of your parents. How they interacted, communicated, touched, and related had a profound impact on your choices and expectations when it came to your boyfriends and girlfriends, the friends you have and your sphere of trust.

We as parents have an opportunity to help set in, deep within the “wiring” of our children, what a healthy, vital, and loving relationship can look like. We have a dramatic impact on their standards to navigate their own relationships.

The parent interaction is the most important relationship your children will observe. It has the most amount of influence on their body and mind, because for no other reason than you are their parents. Children learn through modeling. They watch your every move, listen to every word, and see how you express yourself in a variety of different situations.

Why?

As robotic as it may sound, they are being programmed. They are actively absorbing information on how to live, what gets them approval, attention and love, and how to respond to stressors and challenges. And this information drives deep into the brain and body.

It is our actions and reactions as a couple that can have a dramatic impact on how children create expectations of healthy relationships. Although they are seeping into the unconscious, our behavior as parents helps to define love between two people; physical boundaries, communication style (verbal and non-verbal) posturing under stress, when to embrace or push away, and how to resolve conflict.

This is how traits, expressions, and even problems “run” in families. Through our actions as a couple, we teach our kids. We show them how to be resilient, relate, rebound and resolve through our daily actions. Yes, we can sit down with them and talk to them consciously, and we can also be responsible and allow our actions to be unconsciously modeled for their future.

We all handle challenge differently. Let’s face it, relationships can be tough. Do you ever have those times where you are having the most difficult time opening up and loving your spouse? Or those times where there is an unspoken irritation between the two of you? Those times where you go for a quick kiss only to feel the coldness, or where they are trying to talk and you just feel closed off from connecting?

There is no doubt that when you have two adults living under the same roof, disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings do happen. It’s a reality.

The question is, when tensions rise, how do you handle yourself? Do you scream as you yell down the hallway and slam the door? Do you confront your spouse loudly and aggressively? Do you turn your head and eyes away in conflict? Do you get snippy and irritated quickly? Do you simmer and stew for days without a resolution?

In many cases, how you respond right now in a relationship, is a pattern you observed from your parents.

[Read more…]

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