Blog - A Fine Parent

4 Simple Ways (Beyond Being a Role Model) for Teaching Kids How to be More Open-Minded

by Jenni Von Tobel.
(This article is part of the Strong Kids series. Get free article updates here.)

Have you ever tried to lead by example with your kids…and totally failed?

I sure have!

While on vacation recently, we attended a breakfast to meet an esteemed colleague of my husband’s. They have an adult daughter with significant disabilities. After speaking with the mom for a while, I called my 5 year old daughter over to say hi.

But the minute she saw this woman in the wheelchair, she hid behind my legs. I tried to pry her fingers from me and make her say hello, but she refused.

You could see the fear in her eyes. And I was mortified.

Here her father and I have devoted our lives to loving people with special needs and their families. To encouraging their parents and siblings. To spreading awareness about their abilities versus their disabilities.

And my own daughter was scared.

All she saw were the differences. The wheelchair. The drooling. The erratic movements.

I thought I was a decent role model and was leading my daughter by example. That she had watched me interact with all the students with special needs at my job and the way we accept and love all the kids with special needs at my husband’s work. I thought that our strong example would set the tone for her own response when it came to interacting with people with special needs.

Isn’t that what we are supposed to do as parents? Lead by example?

Maybe. But sometimes just being a role model is not enough.

Sometimes it’s the conversations that make the difference. That drives home the point. That allows the other person to ask questions, to explore their own doubts and fears and judgments. To bring to light topics that might otherwise remain hidden.

Thankfully, there are practical ways we can teach our children how to be more open-minded and choose to be inclusive. Here are 4 that have worked for me –

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How to Raise Kids With Virtually Indestructible Inner Strength

by Sunita Ramkumar.
(This article is part of the Strong Kids series. Get free article updates here.)

Did you know that Oprah Winfrey had an abused and neglected childhood followed by troubled adolescence peppered with drugs, teenage pregnancy, depression and even attempted suicide?

Today though, we know her as a larger-than-life figure with more success than most of us can imagine.

And yet, for every Oprah, there are thousands of kids, if not more, who didn’t make it. Oprah’s own half-sister for instance, died of reasons related to cocaine addiction.

Why is this? Why is it that some people have virtually indestructible inner strength that pulls them out of the direst circumstances while others crumble under far less complicated circumstances?

Is this inner strength something we can nurture in our kids?

Maybe our goal isn’t to raise the next Oprah, but can we make sure that no matter what life throws at them our kids will face it like champs and come out stronger for it?

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How to Motivate Your Kids to Be Both Independent And Eat Healthy

by Leslie Tralli.
(This article is part of the Healthy Families series. Get free article updates here.)

Do you often spend your days rushing to find your son’s soccer shoes just before his carpool arrives?

Or picking your daughter’s clothes off the floor after you’ve asked her three times and just-can’t-face-another-argument-right-now?

Do you sometimes get that horrible sinking feeling that you’ll be doing everything for your kids until they’re full-fledged adults, and possibly beyond?

Some days it feels like, without you, they’ll end up living in a pigsty eating McDonald’s for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch and Domino’s for dinner. Every. Single. Day.

Sigh!

Raising responsible, independent kids is tough. It’s so important to let them do things on their own, from making a snack to walking to school by themselves, right from the time they’re little. But it’s so hard to let go, whether it’s accepting a messy kitchen or acknowledging that you can’t hold your child’s hand forever.

Our ultimate goal as parents is to send our kids off into the world armed with some basic life skills and the ability to make healthy choices. At the very least I want my kids to be able to do a load of laundry, run the vacuum, and prepare a meal.

And by meal, I mean a healthy balance of all the food groups, not reheated nuggets and frozen pizza. (And yes, they need to be financially literate, socially responsible, and culturally aware… but baby steps people, baby steps.)

So, where to begin?

I started with Lunch!

Let me explain.

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20 Easy Ways To Have Your Family Eating Healthier in No Time

by Mindy Carlson.
(This article is part of the Healthy Families series. Get free article updates here.)

“Salad is my favorite” said no child ever. (Or most grownups for that matter!)

Don’t most of us wish that were the case, though?

Don’t you wish our cravings are for avocado and watermelon instead of candies and sugary treats?

That we wouldn’t be scraping creamed spinach from dinner plates into the trash can, again?

When I was pregnant, I had fantasies about how perfectly I would parent. I would be like June Cleaver or Donna Reed. Hair perfectly coifed, house spotless, skirt swishing as I presented perfectly balanced meals to my family who would look up at me joyfully and say, “Boy, I sure do love your lasagna!”

In reality, my hair was in a ponytail, I was in yoga pants for the 23^rd day in a row, and I was close to tears begging my toddler to please, please, try just a tiny bit of broccoli. He, however, sat there with arms crossed and lips sealed as resolute as a pharaoh. He was NOT going to put that green stuff in his mouth.

Why do we put ourselves through this! Why is getting our families eating healthier so important?

Many of us already know that poor childhood diets can set the groundwork for many adult diseases such as osteoporosis, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. But it can also affect kids in the classroom. A study by the NIH in 2008 showed that children who have unhealthy diets don’t experience the same levels of academic achievement as their classmates who do eat healthily.

It’s so important that former First Lady Michelle Obama made improving the quality of school lunch her mission during her tenure in the White House. Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver started the Food Revolution and tried to get schools and communities all over the world to change how they feed children.

It took a while, and there were times I would have paid them $100 to eat a tomato, but over the years, we’ve made a lot of progress. Now my kids love fruits and vegetables. When they want a snack they grab carrots, celery, or an apple. My husband and I are eating healthier too.

Here’s a quick compendium of the 20 ways that I learned along the way to get my family to be healthy eaters.

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Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Try This Instead This Year.

by Diane Edwards.
(This article is part of the Building Character series. Get free article updates here.)

It’s that time of the year again… you know, the time to make New Year’s resolutions.

How often do you keep your resolutions, though?

Do you make goals like: be a more positive parent, lose 75 lbs., run 2 miles a day, do more things as a family? Those are noble goals, but they are quite lofty and each one realistically requires many small baby steps to even be able to begin to achieve them.

I confess; I’ve made the resolution “be a more positive mom”! I tried to say encouraging things to my kids in the morning while getting ready for school. I attempted to organize my life more efficiently so I would be less stressed and have more energy.

But despite all my great efforts, by Ground Hog Day, I had given up and had literally forgotten about the “positive” list tucked away in a basket in my nightstand.

Things changed 8 years back when I decided to stop making New Year’s resolutions.

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