Got answers?

If you’ve been a parent for any length of time, you’ve probably realized that you just can’t have all the answers. Nobody can!

That said, it is critical that we don’t stop asking questions. Questions that make you think. Questions that force you to face your doubts and fears. Questions that help you figure out what you want.

So, for today, I’ve put together a list of 20 questions for you to ponder on.

As you look through these questions, remember that there are no right or wrong answers. These are just cues to get you thinking about some of the things that matter, so that when life presents you with tough situations or choices, you are better prepared to handle them. Take you time to mull over each question.

OK, here we go –

1. When your kids grow up, do you want them to be rich, or happy?

Ideally, we want both. But for the heck of it, let’s say you had to choose. Which one would it be? Mansions, expensive cars, fancy stuff and a bottle of anti-depressants; or a modest life filled with genuine smiles?

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(This article is part of our series on self awareness)

Do you believe in God?

Do you rigorously practise your religion, or is it just a compass in times of need?

Are you vehemently against organized religion?

There are no right or wrong answers to the above questions.

Not knowing the answers, however is a cardinal sin.

Today, I want to touch up on a touchy subject – the role of religious beliefs in parenting. I am going to put my best effort to tread with care. I know I will probably still end up hurting some of your faith and beliefs. Please pardon me for that and take this post in the spirit it was written – to instigate some thought into what is it that you really believe in and how it shapes your kids.

A Journey In Search of Faith

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Do you know exactly what your brain is up to at this very moment?

The more I read about psychology and neuroscience research, the more I realize this — most of us “regular” people know less about all the crazy, quirky things our brains do than an estranged parent knows about what her teenage son or daughter is doing at 10:00pm on a Friday night!

A lot of this complication arises because of the way our brains developed. A part of it is a relic from the early prehistoric days when survival depended on how quick and instinctive our response was. Another part it is a sophisticated thinking machine that takes its time to consider the options and rationally decide our next move. In any given situation, which part of your brain takes over is anybody’s guess.

Today, let’s explore a few of the quirky things our brains do that sabotage our parenting good intentions and find ways to fix them. Here we go –

#1 It Takes Very Little to Make Your Smart Brain Crumble and Give up Self-Control [Read more…]

(This article is part of our series on self awareness)

You’re not a good parent — there I said it!

Just think of it. Right now, you could be watching TV. Or facebooking/pinteresting. Or reading a fantastic book. But here you are – reading a personal development blog meant exclusively for parents!

You are not a good parent… You are a @#&*ing awesome parent!

And yet….

In spite of being the awesome parent that you are, in spite of being the cream of the crop and rising above the average, when I said “You are not a good parent” you felt a tiny bit of guilt. And a sense of self doubt.

Why?

To many of you I am just a stranger. To some who read the blog regularly (Thank You!), I am a good acquaintance. And to a very small set of poor unfortunate folks, I am a close friend/family 🙂

But, no matter how much or how little I know you, the fact remains – I am a third party when it comes to your kids, your values, your circumstances, your kids’ temperament and a whole list of other variables. I have absolutely no right to even dare comment on your parenting skills, let alone judge it.

You know that.

But still, when you read the words “You are not a good parent”, even though you were probably (and, rightfully) pissed off with me, there was that tiny bit of self-doubt in the background making you wonder if I was right.

Every parent that I know of – no matter what their parenting style is or how their children eventually turn out – struggles with this self doubt at some point or the other.

So, today let’s explore it a bit.

The Self-Doubt Snowball

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(This article is part of our series on self awareness)

Recently, my daughter and I were at a party at her friend’s place. There must have been 8 or 10 girls, all of the same age there. Many of us parents were meeting each other for the first time. We all wanted our kids to behave the best and make us proud.

You’ve been in such a situation before, right? You’re at a party, or a get together, or some kind of gathering and you desperately want your kids to behave so everyone can see what a great parent you are. Your chest swells with pride when your kids behave appropriately, and you feel sad for the poor parent whose kids are acting out.

Here’s the thing though. Life is not all black or white. If you did a good job as a parent, yes, perhaps your child(ren) will behave well. If you’re a lousy parent, yes, they might misbehave.

Between these two black-and-white cases though lies the fact that your kids are human. No matter how well you parent, or how much they would like to behave, unless you raise a robot with no emotions and feelings, there will be cases where they’ll just not behave the way you want them to.

The Bigger Picture

Now broaden that expectation a little more. We all want our kids to succeed. Yes, we want them to succeed for their own sakes. But we also want them to succeed for our sakes. Because their success validates what good parents we’ve been.

We want them to score the highest in the tests. We want them to be the class toppers. We want them to win medals in sports. We want them to gain recognition in extra curriculars.

If they fail, somehow we fail.

So we prod them on. To be successful. At all costs.

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