Let’s try something quick…

Let’s say you are responsible for putting together an event – a dinner party, a family gathering, a church fundraiser, a client meeting, a mini-conference… go ahead, pick something that works for you.

You are pretty pumped up about being responsible for the task. You are also a little nervous about how it will all turn out.

One day, while you are slogging your butt off and figuring out the nitty-gritty details, you walk into your co-event-planners and overhear them muttering – “She’s so bossy” (or “He’s such a dictator”) before they suddenly realize you’re in the room and change the topic.

You are pretty sure they were talking about you.

What would your attitude be going forward? Would you be as pumped up about it as before? Would you have second thoughts about the way you are going about handling the responsibility? Maybe scale down some of your grand plans a little?

Or maybe you would drive people a little harder just to prove a point?

Now let’s flip that situation a bit… what if you had overheard — “She (or He) is so cool and really knows how to get things done”.

What would your attitude be now as you move ahead with the project?

Essentially “Bossy” and “Dictator” mean the same thing — someone who is trying to get things done. Yet, because of the negative connotation these labels have, they leave a sour taste in your mouth, and undermine your ability to stay enthusiastic about the project anymore.

Now let’s step out of this hypothetical scenario and look into our homes.

How many times in a day do we label our kids in not so flattering ways?

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I bet you’ve come across the term “positive reinforcement” before – but honestly, do you know what it really means? Better still, do you know how to apply it to go from the (*yawn*) nagging parent to a master motivator?

Some time back, I decided to jump onto the “positive reinforcement” bandwagon.

Except, it wasn’t really clear to me what exactly it is that I should be doing.

The worst part? The more I read about it, the more confused I got.

This article is the result of trying to sort through some of the confusion and figuring out how we can be masters of applying “positive reinforcement” to raise terrific, internally motivated kids.

(Note: If long, detailed articles aren’t your cup of tea just scroll down to the bottom of the article for a handy-dandy illustration that captures the gist of the article!)

Ok, let’s dive right in.

Use Praise/Reward Instead of Criticism/Punishment. Duh!

So, the first thing I understood is that I should use praise/reward instead of criticism/punishment. The argument is that criticizing or punishing often kills a child’s spirit and self esteem. If you focus instead on praise/reward you reinforce the child’s self worth and since children inherently want to please their parents, this will make them want to behave instead of misbehave.

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