A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents
Here is a quick preview of Douglas Haddad’s talk from the Positive Parenting Conference 2018.
In this talk titled How to Raise Remarkably Self-Motivated Kids, Douglas and I discuss:
If you are struggling to get your kids motivated to do what is expected them, this talk offers some great ideas to try!
I am living with Mount Etna. In tween form.
Any hint of criticism sets off the rumbling. Add an admonishment to the top – BOOM – we have an eruption.
Are you sure you’ve done your homework?
BOOM
You lost your house key?
BOOM
Stop picking on your brother!
BOOM
Are you on your computer? Again?
BOOM
For a while there we were having loud, shouty arguments about everything under the sun. He was prickly and defensive and not a joy to be around.
It would be easy for me to write this off as teenage hormones and tell him he needs to stop being so sensitive. It would be equally easy for me to paint myself as a blameless and suffering supermom, but I know that communication is a two-way street.
But what can I do? I do active listening. I let him fail to develop a growth mindset. I try to back away from the bubbling lava of his hormonal temper. But no matter what I do I seem to trigger more eruptions out of my tween Mt. Etna.
Something was missing. In fact, it was 2 somethings.
One feeling all first-time parents can relate to is fear.
The good news is that there is one way you can tackle that emotion before it gets the better of you: preparation. By making sure everything is in place to keep your child safe, you’ll be free to focus on the making the most of parenthood.
To help give your babyproofing a head start, we’ve come up with a list of ten items that every parent shouldn’t be without, below:
How did your 2017 parenting year go? Are you the same parent today as you were on January 1st of last year? Are you the parent you want to be yet?
I am certainly not the parent I was one year ago. And, yet, I am not quite the parent I want to be either.
Do I yell less? Yes, but still more than I’d like.
Do I use Active Listening all the time? Well…. I try….
Do my children know I love them? Absolutely.
(So, that’s one thing checked off the Become a Better Parent list.)
But why am I not a superstar parent yet? Why haven’t I accomplished all my parenting resolutions from last year? I started out with such energy and good intentions! What happened?
Like every single one of you out there, I mean well. I try. I do my best.
Yet I intend to do so much better.
So why do my accomplishments not keep up with my intentions? And what is it going to take for me to get there?
With one year having come to a close, and another one about to start, I think about these questions a lot.
I did good last year. But I want to do even better this year. And check a few more items off that Become a Better Parent list.
Here are a few things I have learned that we can do to give ourselves the best chance possible of keeping our parenting resolutions.
My mother has a timeshare in Orlando, so every February, we head down there to spend a week taking in the parks, spending time poolside, and enjoying a break from the gloom of winter.
We started this tradition when I was 5 months pregnant. I saw it as a target rich environment where I could observe parents and parenting in the pressure cooker of Disney and all of the accompanying dazzle.
That first year, I formulated a list of dos and don’ts based on my keen observations. I would wear my baby the next year. It would take the strain off of my back and make nursing easily accessible. I wouldn’t head to the park unprepared. I’d make sure to have plenty of diapers and backup formula.
Fast forward a year.
We headed to Animal Kingdom with some friends who met us down there. I did wear my baby, but I forgot to pack extra diapers and the backup formula, so I spent 30 minutes searching for diapers and ended up nursing my son the entire time, all the while chasing our friends, whose children were older.
We were at times literally running to keep up with them, with an infant attached to my boob. I had to tie the thin blanket over his head around my neck to keep it from blowing away, but it was one of those giant baby swaddle wraps, so every so often the wind would catch it, causing it to fly up and flap in the air like a flag, drawing attention to my exposed breast.
And our plan to get there early? The best I could do was 11. Our friends were ready to leave by one. At least we all managed to ride the safari together. If you’re wondering, nursing an infant on a safari ride is something akin to nursing while horseback riding. I had been given ample opportunity to learn that life and parenting does not go according to plan.
Yet still, I judged.
Coming out of a bathroom, I saw a mom hand her toddler her phone while he was on the changing table. I shook my head in disgust. “No wonder this generation is addicted to their phones,” I thought.
Fast forward one year.
My son is eighteen months old, He is incredibly strong and doesn’t like to lie still. Changing him is like wrestling a greased wildebeest. He kicks, screams, and arches his back. In the time it takes to reach for a wipe, he does this crazy ninja move where he flips onto his stomach and slides down off the changing table.
And just like that, I found myself once again at the Animal Kingdom, perhaps in the same bathroom, handing my son my phone while he was on the changing table. I silently whispered an apology to the mother who had stood there a year before.
Perhaps the greatest gift being a parent has afforded my own growth has been the opportunity to look at both my proclivity for judgment and my fear of being judged. We’re all familiar with “Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.” In my experience, it is the people that are most afraid of being judged that are the most likely to judge others. It’s almost like “I’ll judge you before you can judge me.”
I can’t help but wonder: Why do we do this? Why do we judge other parents? What made me think I was in a position, at 5 months pregnant, to make a list of dos and don’ts? What made me shake my head in judgement at the mom who handed the phone to her son on the changing table? Shouldn’t we be partaking in collective fist bumps and rushing to each other’s assistance? Saying “You’ve got this!” to each other while offering a hand or a wipe?