Search Results for: What is

I walk into daycare at the end of the day.

My 2 year-old is at the table, playing with Play-Doh.

Upon seeing me, he holds his little hand out in a “stop” motion.  He shakes his head and says “no no no,” while covering the Play-Doh with his other chubby fingers.

His message is clear.  Mom is here, so that means it’s time to go… but I’m having fun and I want to stay.

That’s okay because I’m in no rush.  I hug my daughter and listen to her chatter about her day.  I gather up jackets and backpacks while talking to our daycare provider.

At some point, my son gets down from the table, grabs his teddy bear, stands in the middle of the room, opens his mouth, and lets out an eardrum-blowing scream.

The kind of scream that rises to an octave so high, I’m pretty sure all the neighborhood dogs will have gathered outside.

Unprompted.  Unexpected.  Happy as a clam just a second ago.

Behaviors like this, especially when they happen often (this is not the first time I’ve heard that blood curdling scream come out of my cute little blonde-headed babe), can be frustrating.

The frustration is there because these behaviors often seem uncalled for.  They are unpredictable and can be time-consuming.  Whether it’s your toddler testing her new found sense of freedom, or an older child who is struggling with something more specific, it can be easy to get swept up in the frustration of the situation and start thinking of them as “problem” behaviors.

We may find ourselves reacting in ways that we are hoping will just stop the behavior on the spot.  We may find ourselves yelling, reprimanding, threatening or picking our kids up and physically removing them from the situation.

Worse yet, we may find ourselves so frustrated by how the behavior has affected our day, that we don’t take the time to look deeper and understand why the behavior exists.

Here’s the rub: All behavior has a reason behind it. 

I am a behavior specialist in a public school system in Maryland.  I have 14 years of experience working with children from 3 to 21 in both the public and nonpublic school realms. I also have an almost unhealthy obsession for keeping up with the latest studies in this field; which comes in handy when it’s time to teach behavior-based trainings.

So I understand this: [Read more…]

How did your 2017 parenting year go? Are you the same parent today as you were on January 1st of last year? Are you the parent you want to be yet?

I am certainly not the parent I was one year ago. And, yet, I am not quite the parent I want to be either.

Do I yell less? Yes, but still more than I’d like.

Do I use Active Listening all the time? Well…. I try….

Do my children know I love them? Absolutely.

(So, that’s one thing checked off the Become a Better Parent list.)

But why am I not a superstar parent yet? Why haven’t I accomplished all my parenting resolutions from last year? I started out with such energy and good intentions! What happened?

Like every single one of you out there, I mean well. I try. I do my best.

Yet I intend to do so much better.

So why do my accomplishments not keep up with my intentions? And what is it going to take for me to get there?

With one year having come to a close, and another one about to start, I think about these questions a lot.

I did good last year. But I want to do even better this year. And check a few more items off that Become a Better Parent list.

Here are a few things I have learned that we can do to give ourselves the best chance possible of keeping our parenting resolutions.

[Read more…]

My mother has a timeshare in Orlando, so every February, we head down there to spend a week taking in the parks, spending time poolside, and enjoying a break from the gloom of winter.

We started this tradition when I was 5 months pregnant. I saw it as a target rich environment where I could observe parents and parenting in the pressure cooker of Disney and all of the accompanying dazzle.

That first year, I formulated a list of dos and don’ts based on my keen observations. I would wear my baby the next year. It would take the strain off of my back and make nursing easily accessible. I wouldn’t head to the park unprepared. I’d make sure to have plenty of diapers and backup formula.

Fast forward a year.

We headed to Animal Kingdom with some friends who met us down there. I did wear my baby, but I forgot to pack extra diapers and the backup formula, so I spent 30 minutes searching for diapers and ended up nursing my son the entire time, all the while chasing our friends, whose children were older.

We were at times literally running to keep up with them, with an infant attached to my boob. I had to tie the thin blanket over his head around my neck to keep it from blowing away, but it was one of those giant baby swaddle wraps, so every so often the wind would catch it, causing it to fly up and flap in the air like a flag, drawing attention to my exposed breast.

And our plan to get there early? The best I could do was 11. Our friends were ready to leave by one. At least we all managed to ride the safari together. If you’re wondering, nursing an infant on a safari ride is something akin to nursing while horseback riding. I had been given ample opportunity to learn that life and parenting does not go according to plan.

Yet still, I judged.

Coming out of a bathroom, I saw a mom hand her toddler her phone while he was on the changing table. I shook my head in disgust. “No wonder this generation is addicted to their phones,” I thought.

Fast forward one year.

My son is eighteen months old, He is incredibly strong and doesn’t like to lie still. Changing him is like wrestling a greased wildebeest. He kicks, screams, and arches his back. In the time it takes to reach for a wipe, he does this crazy ninja move where he flips onto his stomach and slides down off the changing table.

And just like that, I found myself once again at the Animal Kingdom, perhaps in the same bathroom, handing my son my phone while he was on the changing table. I silently whispered an apology to the mother who had stood there a year before.

Perhaps the greatest gift being a parent has afforded my own growth has been the opportunity to look at both my proclivity for judgment and my fear of being judged. We’re all familiar with “Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.” In my experience, it is the people that are most afraid of being judged that are the most likely to judge others. It’s almost like “I’ll judge you before you can judge me.”

I can’t help but wonder: Why do we do this? Why do we judge other parents? What made me think I was in a position, at 5 months pregnant, to make a list of dos and don’ts? What made me shake my head in judgement at the mom who handed the phone to her son on the changing table? Shouldn’t we be partaking in collective fist bumps and rushing to each other’s assistance? Saying “You’ve got this!” to each other while offering a hand or a wipe?

[Read more…]

It was the beginning of the school year and my son was learning Algebra. It was not going well.

“Mom, I’m just no good at this!”

“Sure you are, honey. You just need to try harder.”

“But I’m never going to get it!”

We’ve all been right here. Our child is frustrated with homework and we want to help. Don’t you just wish you could say a magic word and make it better?

What if I told you there actually is a magic word?

Really. There is a magic word that is going to save us from disaster.

A small word.

Tiny.

In fact, it’s only 3 letters.

YET.

An adverb meaning: Up until the present or a specified or implied time.

YET. Such simple word, but oh-so magical. The power and magic of YET lies in the core of its’ meaning: Up until now. My son might not understand Algebra, but he will! He just hasn’t understood it up until now.

[Read more…]