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Me: Do you want chicken soup or a baked potato for dinner?

Kids: —

Me (slightly louder): Do you want chicken soup or a baked potato for dinner?

Kids: What?

Me (definitely louder): Do you want chicken soup or a baked potato for dinner?

Kids: What?

Me (dialed up to 11): I said do you want . . .

Does this conversation sound familiar to you? Do you find your voice rising, your tone getting harsher, and still no response? You are not alone. For a while almost every conversation I was having with my children sounded just like that!

Believe me, I never wanted to become that parent. None of us do. So why is it so easy to fall into the habit of nagging?

Mostly it’s a question of acting on instinct. We get distracted. Whether it’s our job, our phone, our worries, our to-do list, something is consuming our thoughts and we start acting on auto-pilot.

Another reason parents nag is because they are trying to assert their authority.

We make the mistake of equating parental authority with bossiness instead of leadership. According to Dr. Robert Myers, PhD, nagging says, in effect, “I will stop punishing you with this annoying nagging when you do what I want you to.”

While it’s good to teach your children to respect authority, nagging doesn’t actually accomplish that goal. A good parent doesn’t demand respect. We earn respect by showing respect. And we teach respect by showing respect.

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Our parents had it easy. They pretty much had two sources for making decisions about their kids – their own parents and maybe a tattered copy of Dr. Spock’s baby book.

You and I, on the other hand, have access to all the material ever created on parenting at our fingertips.

We do research and worry about screen time, sugar, and our kids’ emotional development. We also have access to every opinion and judgment on social media, where our formerly chill friends can turn into aggressive parenting experts.

The result is a perfect recipe for anxious parents. As a pediatrician, it’s the most pervasive problem I see every day, and, as a parent, I struggle with it constantly too.

Good parents tend to be a bit anxious. They read books and gather opinions to help their kids be healthier, happier, and smarter in a world that seems to increasingly threaten those things. But being too anxious about our kids can get in the way of those goals.

It’s a big topic, but I want to explore a few areas where we can do practical things to reduce our anxiety. We’ll talk about how parental anxiety can create insecurities that companies are ready to exploit, for example. Then we’ll look at how it can turn the dinner table into a battleground three times a day and lead to long-term unhealthy eating habits. Finally, we’ll explore how anxiety can crush our own identities as individuals and transfer over to our kids.

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Will you do something for me? Humor me here.

I want you to think about a recent situation you found yourself in that made you feel anxious.

Maybe it was a big meeting or presentation at work. Maybe it was a job interview or a public speaking gig. Maybe it was walking into a doctor’s office or the dentist. Maybe it was because you had a fender bender or forgot to pay a bill. Maybe it was as you were dialing a number to have a conversation with someone that you knew wasn’t going to go well.

Now think about how it made you feel.

Sweaty palms. Racing heart. Shaking hands. The feeling you have to use the bathroom. The feeling you can’t quite catch your breath. Restless legs. Clenched fists. Shutting down. Dizziness. Upset stomach. Tense muscles.

Now think about how that must feel to our children; with their young minds and not yet fully developed coping skills.

Anxiety.

It’s a normal part of our human existence. Everyone feels anxiety at times, as we inevitably will have experiences that present as “high stakes.” Think about professional athletes and how they feel when walking onto the court, the track, the field. Although they may not outwardly show it, even the most seasoned athlete experiences nerves.

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Who taught you about the birds and the bees?

Maybe your parents had an awkward conversation with you or handed you a book to read. Maybe you got bits and pieces of information from your friends. Or maybe you learned from sex education class in school.

Have you thought about when you’ll have the “talk” with your child? And how much information you’ll share at different times?

Will you be proactive to teach your child about sex and puberty?

You may be thinking, my kids are little!  This is not something I need to think about yet!

I thought that, too. My four kids are ages 10 and under and I didn’t think much about it. I thought I had years to go.

I was wrong.

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The days are getting shorter. Ads for notebooks and backpacks are showing up in my inbox. Amazon sent me a personal invitation into their #2 pencil emporium. The frenzy of summer is coming to a close and a whole different frenzy is about to begin.

It’s the start of the School Year.

Nooooooo! My children cry in horror, seeing a crisp, new notebook peeking out of our shopping bag.

For some of us this is old hat. We’ve been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

For others, this is the first time you are sending your precious babies out into the cold, cruel world of school.

As a mom of 9 and 12 year old boys and the Director of Admission of a preschool, I’ve seen this day from many different sides and angles. Here are 5 bits of wisdom that we, the teachers and school staff, would like every parent to know irrespective of whether this is your first ever first-day-of-school, or you are a practiced veteran.

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