Search Results for: What is

A few years ago, my family and I were preparing for a big event honoring my oldest son.

I had carefully created invitations, prepared a program, and cooked a celebration meal. I took the time to buy a new outfit, including shiny new shoes for my son to wear. It was poised to be a wonderful day with our family and closest friends.

And then it was time to get dressed.

My son flatly refused to wear the shoes I picked out for him.

I first tried to bargain with him; “you only have to wear them for one hour and then you can come home and change.” That was met with a flat, “No.”

Then I tried to bribe, “If you wear these shoes, then you can have treat.” That didn’t work either.

I tried pleading, “Please, wear these shoes. Please just wear them. For me… please, please.”

When that fell flat, I played my final card. It was time for a mommy tantrum.

For those of you unfamiliar with a mommy tantrum, it usually occurs when said mommy does not get her way. Her unyielding child ignites a fuse in a firecracker of negative emotion.

Mid-mommy tantrum, I was fuming down the hall when my husband caught me and said, “Don’t let a pair of shoes ruin this day for you.”

Suddenly, my fuse went out. He was right. I was letting a pair of shoes that would look nice in a picture become more important than my child’s big day.

While reading this, memories of similar power struggles you have had with your children may have come flooding back. We have all been in this position. But one powerful truth will help reduce the stress that comes from power struggles.

It is this: not all parenting battles are worth fighting.

[Read more…]

You do everything you can to make sure your child has a positive inner voice.

You praise her at all the right times using the right kind of praise. You tell her you love her and are proud of her every day. You nurture her endeavors and give her encouragement along the way.

Despite all that, one day she declares, “I’m no good, so why bother trying?”

Your heart sinks. Could all of your efforts evaporate in a single instance?  What went wrong?

When my daughter was born, the one gift I wanted to give her was a strong self-esteem. It is important to me as a woman and a parent. It took me years to build mine. I remember how painful it was during my childhood to never feel relaxed, calm, and confident, to be plagued with self-doubt.

I wanted so much to protect my daughter from the corrosive, universal effects of low self-esteem and a negative inner voice.

I thought I was well-prepared. My son was eleven-years-old when we welcomed my little girl into the world. He’s nineteen now and has always been a relatively calm, happy person.

When problems did arise, we were able to guide him through them. He is a strong, happy individual who is following his dreams and is beginning a business in producing a line of custom electric guitars and bases.

So, when my daughter was born, I thought, we’ve got this. Plus, my husband and I are in the mental health field and we’re older parents. We worked out a lot of our own issues. We know the importance of a positive inner voice and devote ourselves to supporting our children and each other.

As my daughter grows though, so does my concern. [Read more…]

The other day, my 8-year-old daughter paused mid-conversation and said “Mummy, I wish we were always on the same map together.”

Clearly, I had been missing something while we were chatting.

We had been casually discussing ideas for her upcoming birthday party, when she mentioned the sorts of things that other parents do for their kids’ birthday celebrations.

Some were too extreme (jelly wrestling, anyone?). Others were a bit too risky for my personal liking (Go Kart racing, just for starters). And others fell firmly into the “Sorry honey, but it just costs too much” basket…aka, backseat limousine parties.

Clearly I missed the memo that we were at the age when the backyard ‘sausage rolls and musical chairs’ parties were being phased out.

But there was something else I clearly missed, too. Because somewhere along the way, the wires between trying to be a communicative, ‘open to suggestions’ parent and a ‘this is how we do it’ parent had got rather tangled.

[Read more…]

In our house, Christmas is a work in progress, as far as gratitude goes.

Last year we celebrated with just our small, immediate family. And thankfully (or maybe not), there were not a ton of presents underneath our tree. Most of them were either for our older son or for the entire family, so we let him have the pleasure of opening them.

Not surprisingly, we found ourselves repeating a refrain familiar to parents everywhere during the holidays and at birthday parties:

Slow down!

Take time to look at it!

This is not a race!

What we really meant, of course, is that we want our kids to actually appreciate the gifts they’re given. Birthdays and holidays should be more than just a flurry of presents and torn wrapping paper. Everyone likes receiving gifts, but it’s important that we take the time to acknowledge them.

And, more important still, to be thankful for them.

Saying “thank you” is a great start. Maybe give a hug, if both parties feel so inclined. At the least, we want time to mentally note who gave what so that cards can be sent later.

Fact is, we know that our children appreciate the gifts they’re given. Just as they appreciate the other important parenting roles we play.

When our kids are babies, of course, we don’t expect gratitude. We’re content to be their whole world—for those first few months, anyway. We don’t expect to be thanked for [Read more…]