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Oh, the things we believe before we have children!

My kids won’t be picky eaters.

They won’t live off fruit snacks and goldfish crackers.

My kids will joyfully eat everything I give them, and I’ll only give them healthy, organic, free-range, no additive, locally grown foods from BPA-free containers.

That soooo did not happen for me.

I tried to do all the right things and follow all the advice. I ate a wide variety of food when I was pregnant and nursing, so my baby would experience the flavor of different foods. I made homemade baby food, often using fruits and vegetables that I’d never tried before just to develop their palate.

It was fun and easy. Everything was going great. I had two babies who happily ate everything for the first year and a half.

Then, they became toddlers (I’m pretty sure a lot of horror stories begin that way). When my son started pushing, or rather, throwing, food off his plate, I realized I needed to get creative if I was going to continue feeding him healthy meals.

I was surprised by how quickly my son’s preferences changed. However, experts are not. In the journal, Frontiers in Pediatrics, Dr. Jason Lam reminds us that, “Picky eating is a relatively common behavioral problem that most children will eventually outgrow. Its roots stem from both environmental and genetic influences.”

Knowing it was a stage, like all others that arise in parenting, encouraged me to persevere and not take it personally. I didn’t fail as a parent… I just had to come up with a new plan.

Dr. Lam advises, “Repeated exposure to new food in a non-coercive manner and in an environment that is both fun and rewarding may help overcome picky eating. Patience, time, and repetition may be the keys to success.”

After experimenting with my first son, I was more prepared once my younger son started rejecting foods, though I still had to modify some of my strategies. I also found I had to continue being creative to keep my older son interested in a variety of foods and not stuck in a beige colored food rut.

For our family, these 6 tricks, some of them a bit off-the-wall, worked best –

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“How come Betsy has two Moms?”

We were at my son’s therapy surrounded by Moms and other children when my three-year-old daughter popped that particular question. One of those Moms happened to be in the clinic at that moment.

I know I’m not alone.

On Facebook recently I saw a post from a mother asking how to deal with the hard questions.

You know, the extremely embarrassing questions our kids ask out of the blue.

Questions that leave you in shock that they’ve been brought up at all at this age.

Questions that they ask when it is the most inappropriate time to hold a discussion about the answer.

The ones that you might not have answers to yourself.

So when my child asked “Why does my friend have two Moms?” My reply was the classic, “Um, ah, let’s talk about it later when we get home.”

I needed a minute to think about how I wanted to respond to the question because I was not expecting this question from my 3 year-old. (Of course it would be my youngest who would ask this because she is extremely observant of social nuances around her.)

How many of you have had your child ask you one of these gems?

“Where did Grandpa go when he died?”

“What is sex?”

“Where do babies come from?”

“Why is that boy’s skin so dark?”

“Why is that girl missing a leg?”

Or the immortal question, “Is Santa Claus real?”

These questions take us by surprise. We don’t expect that question to come out of our child’s mouth right then. “Deer in the headlights” is probably one of the best descriptive phrases of this situation.

I’ll never forget when one of my children asked the question if Santa Claus was real. We were in the drive thru at Walgreens and had been waiting forever to pick up our medication.

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My daughter’s eyes were filled with tears and my voice was louder than it needed to be. We were arguing over something trivial and small.

Or so I thought.

We had gone round and round about the homework she was struggling with. She was convinced she wouldn’t be able to do it, and I was confident she could if she just pushed through.

It was a moment when I could see her potential more than she could. She felt like she was sinking, and all I saw was her refusal to stand up in the shallow water.

After going round and round we were both exasperated. Heels dug in tight, I realized I needed to be the one to move first.

All I could think was to ask a question:

“What do you need?” I pleaded.

“I don’t know, Mom.” And the tears came.

In that moment I knew she had no idea what she needed and it was my job to figure it out with her. This wasn’t about helping her with homework; this was about helping her find her way.

Teens often don’t know what they need. Most kids don’t, but when they’re young we step in more willingly. Now that our babies are more at eye-level we look at them expecting adult choices, forgetting that sometimes they don’t know how to figure things out on their own.

Here are 6 things your teen may not have a clue he or she needs.

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The days are getting shorter. Ads for notebooks and backpacks are showing up in my inbox. Amazon sent me a personal invitation into their #2 pencil emporium. The frenzy of summer is coming to a close and a whole different frenzy is about to begin.

It’s the start of the School Year.

Nooooooo! My children cry in horror, seeing a crisp, new notebook peeking out of our shopping bag.

For some of us this is old hat. We’ve been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

For others, this is the first time you are sending your precious babies out into the cold, cruel world of school.

As a mom of 9 and 12 year old boys and the Director of Admission of a preschool, I’ve seen this day from many different sides and angles. Here are 5 bits of wisdom that we, the teachers and school staff, would like every parent to know irrespective of whether this is your first ever first-day-of-school, or you are a practiced veteran.

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Many times I’ve looked over at the mom with the quiet well-mannered kids and wondered, “Am I the only one who’s a mess? Why does every other mother seem to have it together?”

As a freelance writer with ten years of experience and counseling psychology graduate degree, I knew how to listen and be empathetic.

But all I knew about “parenting strategies” consisted of time out tactics and the “children should be seen and not heard” mindset I had been raised in.

After spending much of 2017 researching parenting techniques, I gleaned an alternative, which was less about discipline and more about connection. Surprisingly, I learned it’s not getting your kids to listen, but it’s improving your relationship that turns out to be the winning strategy.

However, even though I am a stay-at-home mom now, I worry about how much quality time I’m spending with my son. So that became my next quest.

Here are the 9 things I learned about improving my connection with kids.

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