“Bam!”  The door has just, yet again, shut in my face.

This is not a metaphor. The door literally just shut in my face.

I was out with my children. And, as kids usually do, my son ran ahead, eager to lead the way. But, just as quickly as he barged through a door ahead of us, he hardly glanced back as he let the door shut in my face.

We’ve all been through it.

We bristle and wonder how we’re managing to raise our children to be so thoughtless and rude. To become the very type of person we don’t want them to be.

We want our children to demonstrate empathy for others. We want our kids to be the light of helpfulness in a world that sometimes feels dark with selfishness. But how do we do that?

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Oh, the things we believe before we have children!

My kids won’t be picky eaters.

They won’t live off fruit snacks and goldfish crackers.

My kids will joyfully eat everything I give them, and I’ll only give them healthy, organic, free-range, no additive, locally grown foods from BPA-free containers.

That soooo did not happen for me.

I tried to do all the right things and follow all the advice. I ate a wide variety of food when I was pregnant and nursing, so my baby would experience the flavor of different foods. I made homemade baby food, often using fruits and vegetables that I’d never tried before just to develop their palate.

It was fun and easy. Everything was going great. I had two babies who happily ate everything for the first year and a half.

Then, they became toddlers (I’m pretty sure a lot of horror stories begin that way). When my son started pushing, or rather, throwing, food off his plate, I realized I needed to get creative if I was going to continue feeding him healthy meals.

I was surprised by how quickly my son’s preferences changed. However, experts are not. In the journal, Frontiers in Pediatrics, Dr. Jason Lam reminds us that, “Picky eating is a relatively common behavioral problem that most children will eventually outgrow. Its roots stem from both environmental and genetic influences.”

Knowing it was a stage, like all others that arise in parenting, encouraged me to persevere and not take it personally. I didn’t fail as a parent… I just had to come up with a new plan.

Dr. Lam advises, “Repeated exposure to new food in a non-coercive manner and in an environment that is both fun and rewarding may help overcome picky eating. Patience, time, and repetition may be the keys to success.”

After experimenting with my first son, I was more prepared once my younger son started rejecting foods, though I still had to modify some of my strategies. I also found I had to continue being creative to keep my older son interested in a variety of foods and not stuck in a beige colored food rut.

For our family, these 6 tricks, some of them a bit off-the-wall, worked best –

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“How come Betsy has two Moms?”

We were at my son’s therapy surrounded by Moms and other children when my three-year-old daughter popped that particular question. One of those Moms happened to be in the clinic at that moment.

I know I’m not alone.

On Facebook recently I saw a post from a mother asking how to deal with the hard questions.

You know, the extremely embarrassing questions our kids ask out of the blue.

Questions that leave you in shock that they’ve been brought up at all at this age.

Questions that they ask when it is the most inappropriate time to hold a discussion about the answer.

The ones that you might not have answers to yourself.

So when my child asked “Why does my friend have two Moms?” My reply was the classic, “Um, ah, let’s talk about it later when we get home.”

I needed a minute to think about how I wanted to respond to the question because I was not expecting this question from my 3 year-old. (Of course it would be my youngest who would ask this because she is extremely observant of social nuances around her.)

How many of you have had your child ask you one of these gems?

“Where did Grandpa go when he died?”

“What is sex?”

“Where do babies come from?”

“Why is that boy’s skin so dark?”

“Why is that girl missing a leg?”

Or the immortal question, “Is Santa Claus real?”

These questions take us by surprise. We don’t expect that question to come out of our child’s mouth right then. “Deer in the headlights” is probably one of the best descriptive phrases of this situation.

I’ll never forget when one of my children asked the question if Santa Claus was real. We were in the drive thru at Walgreens and had been waiting forever to pick up our medication.

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I love learning. I love knowing and discovering new things.

It’s one of the reasons I decided to homeschool my children. I wanted them to observe my excitement about discovering new things and develop their own love of learning.

In the third year of our homeschooling journey, I read a book that suggested I compose a mission statement for what I wished to accomplish during our homeschooling years.

Aside from teaching our children to be compassionate and caring individuals, the third value I wanted to instill in them was to be lifelong learners.

That was two years ago, and since then I’ve learned a few things about raising lifelong learners.

Lifelong learners is a term to describe someone who desires to be a forever student. They’re always exploring, thinking, creating, wondering, discovering, questioning – maybe about a particular subject or generally.

Any parent wants their child to learn, but I wondered: what’s the value of being a lifelong learner?

Research has shown that lifelong learning has a vast impact on brain health, building confidence, and furthers children’s socialization skills. It also provides greater career opportunities and sharpens the ability to communicate.

Raising a child who is a lifelong learner is not hard. But it takes time and patience, just like any other aspect of parenthood!

When we give our children the gift of loving to learn we equip them in an insatiable desire to understand their evolving world and the relationships they have.

One of the most beneficial aspects I’ve experienced in my journey to creating lifelong learners is the relationship I’ve developed with my children. I’m able to watch their face light up when they understand a concept or witness them walking themselves through a process of steps to build a fort.

I’m reminded that they’re real people, with passions, desires, and creativity coursing through them like a river.

When we show them we’re on their side, that we want to help them, they learn the value of being a good parent.

And that’s the best thing they can learn.

Here are some ways to I’ve begun cultivating the lifelong learner in my children.

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A few months ago, my phone required a reset in hopes it would respond better to its master. Afterward, I realized that all my notifications had been turned off.

No little red bubbles reminded me that someone had liked my Facebook post or retweeted my genius. I started to turn them on again, but then . . . I didn’t.

And I haven’t since.

I realized I was tired of 24/7 availability.

While we wring our hands trying to figure out how to help our children avoid electronic screen addiction, most of us have to admit it’s not only a problem for young people. Our buzzing, chirping, dinging world affects everyone—and families can work together to make themselves less slavish to its electronic siren songs.

Research would suggest that we start.

Researchers conducted a series of experiments with volunteers aged 18 to 77, requiring them to sit alone for fifteen minutes with no outside stimulation. Over half of the participants disliked being alone with their thoughts so much that they gave themselves mild electric shocks as a distraction during the 15-minute session of quiet thinking.

The average American spends a little over ten hours a day looking at screens—leaving precious little time for human interaction and play, two of the healthiest things we can do. That’s more than equivalent to a full time job.

Of course, some of that time is our jobs—I feel attached to this MacBook more hours than I like to admit, because screens are my job, but they’re also my addiction, if I’m totally honest. I should put them down after five—but I don’t always.

On a test of electronic addiction, I scored “moderately addicted.” Seeing that kind of statistic for myself isn’t OK, and it’s worse for our kids.

Expert psychiatrist Victoria Dunckley has created a test to see if we can spot the signs of screen addiction, with questions like:

Does your child become irritable when told it’s time to stop playing video games or to get off the computer?

Do you ever feel your child is not as happy as he or she should be, or is not enjoying activities as much as he or she used to?

Does your child prefer socializing online over face-to-face interactions?

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