When I see my kids deliberately hurt by someone else the mama bear just comes roaring out in me. No one hurts my babies.

But what do you do if your baby hurts your other baby? How can you make them stop hitting?

The first time I saw this happen, I died a little inside.

I was in the bathroom and heard one of the twins cry out in pain. I ran into the living room, only to find my two year old stomping on his brother’s back.

And I lost it.

I screamed and hollered and removed him from his brother and set him roughly on the couch. The anger I felt towards my two year old – a little boy I loved and cherished – was unfathomable.

The mama bear came out – even against her own.

And I hated it.

That scene repeated itself many times over the next couple of years. My two year old hit. He hit when he was three. He hit when he was four. And when he turned five, he finally quit – he outgrew it, I guess.

But by then the damage had been done.

I was not able to get him to stop hitting in time, and now his twin little brothers had learned to hit – and they usually hit each other.

And guess what? Mama bear was still in there.

Every time one boy hit the other, I lost it. The anger bubbled up and boiled over. No one hurts my babies – not even my own sons.

A few months ago, I quit my part-time job and found myself as a stay-at-home mom. My first order of business: to get them to stop hitting.

I knew how to do it. I just never did it because it takes time.

How many times, as parents, do we know the appropriate tool to use, but don’t even bother, because it takes too much time out of our busy day?

Instead, I consistently told him not to hit, hoping that would be the end of it.

It wasn’t.

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The other day, my 8-year-old daughter paused mid-conversation and said “Mummy, I wish we were always on the same map together.”

Clearly, I had been missing something while we were chatting.

We had been casually discussing ideas for her upcoming birthday party, when she mentioned the sorts of things that other parents do for their kids’ birthday celebrations.

Some were too extreme (jelly wrestling, anyone?). Others were a bit too risky for my personal liking (Go Kart racing, just for starters). And others fell firmly into the “Sorry honey, but it just costs too much” basket…aka, backseat limousine parties.

Clearly I missed the memo that we were at the age when the backyard ‘sausage rolls and musical chairs’ parties were being phased out.

But there was something else I clearly missed, too. Because somewhere along the way, the wires between trying to be a communicative, ‘open to suggestions’ parent and a ‘this is how we do it’ parent had got rather tangled.

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How is this happening again?

Just a few short moments ago, you were enjoying a calm, relaxing moment together with your child when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, came a full-blown power struggle!

Cue the tears, yelling and hurtful words.

If you’re like most parents, you desperately try to avoid these moments.

They’re not fun.

They’re embarrassing. (Especially with judgmental onlookers questioning your every move.)

But the worst part about power struggles is that they seem to take away way too many of those precious moments you have with your kid (and he’s growing so fast, you don’t want to miss any more of them).

You’ve probably tried all of the standard advice for preventing power struggles…

• You pick your battles
• You give him choices
• You ignore what you can tolerate
• You might even give in every once in awhile because his request isn’t that out of line

But even with these tactics, sometimes avoiding a power struggle just isn’t possible. When he’s acting in a way that’s inappropriate and cannot be ignored, you feel like you’ve got to do something.

But what?

How do you sidestep the argument so that you don’t have to get caught in yet another stressful power struggle, yet remain the type of parent you want to be, one who has expectations and rules, not a doormat who folds at every sign of conflict?

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In our house, Christmas is a work in progress, as far as gratitude goes.

Last year we celebrated with just our small, immediate family. And thankfully (or maybe not), there were not a ton of presents underneath our tree. Most of them were either for our older son or for the entire family, so we let him have the pleasure of opening them.

Not surprisingly, we found ourselves repeating a refrain familiar to parents everywhere during the holidays and at birthday parties:

Slow down!

Take time to look at it!

This is not a race!

What we really meant, of course, is that we want our kids to actually appreciate the gifts they’re given. Birthdays and holidays should be more than just a flurry of presents and torn wrapping paper. Everyone likes receiving gifts, but it’s important that we take the time to acknowledge them.

And, more important still, to be thankful for them.

Saying “thank you” is a great start. Maybe give a hug, if both parties feel so inclined. At the least, we want time to mentally note who gave what so that cards can be sent later.

Fact is, we know that our children appreciate the gifts they’re given. Just as they appreciate the other important parenting roles we play.

When our kids are babies, of course, we don’t expect gratitude. We’re content to be their whole world—for those first few months, anyway. We don’t expect to be thanked for [Read more…]

Change. One of the many things in life that is inevitable. We as adults have learned this through time and experience.

Trying to cope with change can be hard on anyone of any age. But it can be especially hard on little ones.

Big life changes such as a move, divorce, starting school, or any significant change in daily routines can set off a cornucopia of reactions.

I know from personal experience how hard it is on a child and parent alike to cope with change. This past summer was a summer of change for our family. My three year old daughter took to the new changes with open arms, yet my five year old son did not.

My husband had recently landed a new job a few states away and would be gone on business for three weeks at a time. As a result, we decided I should quit my full time job to become a stay at home mom.

Awesome, right?

Well…not at first.

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