How often have you heard this advice?

Slow down.

Quit all of those extracurricular activities. 

Just relax and enjoy the little things!

If you’re a parent steeped in busyness (and aren’t we all?), such prescriptions for happiness probably pop up so often they’re beginning to sound cliché. But, though everyone seems to applaud the benefits of purging toys, quitting soccer class, and embracing unstructured play, very few of us are actually following through to stop and smell the roses.

But what if you don’t know how to smell the roses?

Most “slow down and smell the roses” experts seem to assume that living simply – once the actual work of simplification is out of the way – is second nature for us all. They act like the only barriers standing between us and purposeful, joyful parenting are smartphones, busy schedules, and too-large toy piles.

And, look, I’m sure that’s true for some of us. Perhaps, given the time and space, some parents can effortlessly transform an afternoon at the park into a fantastical adventure complete with treasure hunts and impromptu science experiments. Others can look at a box of random art supplies and immediately envision beautiful and kid-appropriate craft projects.

But for me personally, that is not the reality. After a life of chasing achievement – in high school, college, the professional world, and beyond – I had no idea how to enjoy quiet, empty hours in an uncluttered home with nothing on the schedule and only a small child for company.

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I was sexually molested by a relative from the age of eight to fourteen.

Later in my teen years, several other men, strangers, approached me and tried to have sexual interactions.

I felt like I had the proverbial sign above my head. “Easy target. Pick her.”

Back then, I had no idea why. Now, I understand.

My low self-esteem. My assumptions that sexual things were secret, dirty, and unspoken. My belief that my feelings weren’t valid.

All those, indeed, put an invisible sign over me that predators, who know what they’re looking for and know how to spot it, could easily see.

I am a #MeToo girl, but I’ve worked to make sure my three girls don’t have to say that. No one wants to think about their little girl or boy being sexually traumatized. We know, though, that given the plethora of #MeToos and the cultural landscape, we need to prepare our children for the possibility.

Yet many of the popular ideas out there for teaching our girls are so negative. Don’t wear this. Don’t go there. Don’t act this way. This is actually the opposite of what girls need to have a healthy outlook on their bodies and their rights.

Boys, on the other hand, may learn that they’re supposed to be tough, rub some dirt in it, and never cry. They’re expected to aim for sports fame and leadership. A boy who has no interest in those activities can feel left out of social interaction, vulnerable to someone who tries to isolate him even more. Boys who don’t fit the “tough” mold aren’t as likely to tell someone they’re being abused, fearing that “telling” is proving their own weakness.

Ted Bunch from A Call to Men insists that parents should strive not to reinforce stereotypes that indicate boys are weak if they cry or feel emotions. He says “I think that we have to be careful in how we talk to our boys and be more sensitive in how we talk to our boys. We want to teach boys to have the full range of emotions, let them cry, let them experience their feelings.”

What are some positive ways to teach our daughters and sons about this dangerous aspect of their world without instilling fear or shame?

Maybe surprisingly, the best options are not specific to sexual trauma but to raising healthy children in general. Healthy, strong kids become kids who resist becoming statistics.

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I thought it was an ordinary Tuesday. A day full of hope and promise for fun and learning. A normal day … until I looked at the clock.

One minute the clock is kind – telling us we have plenty of time to get our people ready and out the door for a new day. Suddenly, it changes, almost screaming at us, “Hurry, hurry, hurry. We’re all going to be late!”

There is a missing shoe and cereal spilled on the floor; a stuck backpack zipper and a forgotten math test. I didn’t even hear myself until I was at least 6 words in to a rant about us always being late again and we can’t keep doing this and where in the world was that missing shoe?!?

We did what we always do. We let the dog clean up the cereal, I insisted (rather forcefully) on my youngest switching to a different pair of shoes, and then I started spouting out math facts as I worked on the zipper.

We were getting it done. But none of us were happy. And this was not the way I wanted to send everyone off on their day.

Have you had mornings like this?

A bad morning does not mean a bad day. Here are 8 ways to turn things around.

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