How did your 2017 parenting year go? Are you the same parent today as you were on January 1st of last year? Are you the parent you want to be yet?

I am certainly not the parent I was one year ago. And, yet, I am not quite the parent I want to be either.

Do I yell less? Yes, but still more than I’d like.

Do I use Active Listening all the time? Well…. I try….

Do my children know I love them? Absolutely.

(So, that’s one thing checked off the Become a Better Parent list.)

But why am I not a superstar parent yet? Why haven’t I accomplished all my parenting resolutions from last year? I started out with such energy and good intentions! What happened?

Like every single one of you out there, I mean well. I try. I do my best.

Yet I intend to do so much better.

So why do my accomplishments not keep up with my intentions? And what is it going to take for me to get there?

With one year having come to a close, and another one about to start, I think about these questions a lot.

I did good last year. But I want to do even better this year. And check a few more items off that Become a Better Parent list.

Here are a few things I have learned that we can do to give ourselves the best chance possible of keeping our parenting resolutions.

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I want you to take a moment to contemplate this question.

What does ‘togetherness’ mean to you as a family?

What images first come to mind? Was it when you were all snuggled up on the sofa watching a movie on a Saturday night? Was it breastfeeding your baby in the peaceful wee hours? Was it your last holiday in the snow, building a snowman with the kids?

When was the last time you experienced this feeling of togetherness as a family, and how often do you get that associated warm, fuzzy feeling?

There’s probably a good chance that it’s not a regular occurrence. Well, family life is busy. Really busy. Sometimes we’re essentially in survival mode, and need to just get through the day.

And for those with school-aged kids, it’s easy to get caught up on the day-to-day treadmill: the school runs, making school lunches and dinners, after-school activities and homework, weekend classes and birthday parties. There never seems to be any spare time for anything else. It’s overwhelming at times, right?

Or, your situation might be similar to my own. I’m heavily pregnant, and have an active and strong-willed three year-old at home. We’re together seven days a week but I wouldn’t necessarily consider every moment a special time of ‘togetherness’. Often I just dream of ‘aloneness’. I’m sure I’m not a unique parent who longs for that, and that’s totally fine. We’re only human.

Somehow, though, in this fast-paced, overscheduled, consumerist, and digital world that we live in, we seem to have forgotten how to just slow down, relax, and enjoy one another without external distractions. It’s time to be intentional about reversing that.

In this article, we’re going to explore the Danish philosophy called ‘Hygge’ (pronounced ‘hoo-gah’). Although not new in Denmark, it’s the latest wellness trend sweeping the rest of the world, and literally means ‘to cozy around together’.

Doesn’t that sound like a charming notion that we could all get a little more of? It doesn’t sound too hard. The idea focuses on creating a cozy atmosphere at home, such as lighting candles, and doing things together like playing games, having cake and tea, and doing crafts.

And the holiday season is the perfect time of year to Hygge since it’s generally a time celebrated with family and friends. The ultimate aim is to spend time together, leaving problems, technology, and negativity behind and simply having fun as a family.

So, how do we start getting a little Hygge into our lives this holiday season?

Here are some ideas to get started, and to slowly start implementing a little togetherness into your holidays.

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My mother has a timeshare in Orlando, so every February, we head down there to spend a week taking in the parks, spending time poolside, and enjoying a break from the gloom of winter.

We started this tradition when I was 5 months pregnant. I saw it as a target rich environment where I could observe parents and parenting in the pressure cooker of Disney and all of the accompanying dazzle.

That first year, I formulated a list of dos and don’ts based on my keen observations. I would wear my baby the next year. It would take the strain off of my back and make nursing easily accessible. I wouldn’t head to the park unprepared. I’d make sure to have plenty of diapers and backup formula.

Fast forward a year.

We headed to Animal Kingdom with some friends who met us down there. I did wear my baby, but I forgot to pack extra diapers and the backup formula, so I spent 30 minutes searching for diapers and ended up nursing my son the entire time, all the while chasing our friends, whose children were older.

We were at times literally running to keep up with them, with an infant attached to my boob. I had to tie the thin blanket over his head around my neck to keep it from blowing away, but it was one of those giant baby swaddle wraps, so every so often the wind would catch it, causing it to fly up and flap in the air like a flag, drawing attention to my exposed breast.

And our plan to get there early? The best I could do was 11. Our friends were ready to leave by one. At least we all managed to ride the safari together. If you’re wondering, nursing an infant on a safari ride is something akin to nursing while horseback riding. I had been given ample opportunity to learn that life and parenting does not go according to plan.

Yet still, I judged.

Coming out of a bathroom, I saw a mom hand her toddler her phone while he was on the changing table. I shook my head in disgust. “No wonder this generation is addicted to their phones,” I thought.

Fast forward one year.

My son is eighteen months old, He is incredibly strong and doesn’t like to lie still. Changing him is like wrestling a greased wildebeest. He kicks, screams, and arches his back. In the time it takes to reach for a wipe, he does this crazy ninja move where he flips onto his stomach and slides down off the changing table.

And just like that, I found myself once again at the Animal Kingdom, perhaps in the same bathroom, handing my son my phone while he was on the changing table. I silently whispered an apology to the mother who had stood there a year before.

Perhaps the greatest gift being a parent has afforded my own growth has been the opportunity to look at both my proclivity for judgment and my fear of being judged. We’re all familiar with “Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.” In my experience, it is the people that are most afraid of being judged that are the most likely to judge others. It’s almost like “I’ll judge you before you can judge me.”

I can’t help but wonder: Why do we do this? Why do we judge other parents? What made me think I was in a position, at 5 months pregnant, to make a list of dos and don’ts? What made me shake my head in judgement at the mom who handed the phone to her son on the changing table? Shouldn’t we be partaking in collective fist bumps and rushing to each other’s assistance? Saying “You’ve got this!” to each other while offering a hand or a wipe?

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It was the beginning of the school year and my son was learning Algebra. It was not going well.

“Mom, I’m just no good at this!”

“Sure you are, honey. You just need to try harder.”

“But I’m never going to get it!”

We’ve all been right here. Our child is frustrated with homework and we want to help. Don’t you just wish you could say a magic word and make it better?

What if I told you there actually is a magic word?

Really. There is a magic word that is going to save us from disaster.

A small word.

Tiny.

In fact, it’s only 3 letters.

YET.

An adverb meaning: Up until the present or a specified or implied time.

YET. Such simple word, but oh-so magical. The power and magic of YET lies in the core of its’ meaning: Up until now. My son might not understand Algebra, but he will! He just hasn’t understood it up until now.

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