Here you are again, right in the middle of a public place, judgmental eyes glaring at you as you (not so) patiently wait to see if your strong-willed child follows your simple request.

As is pretty typical for the way your life seems to be going today (or this week, or this year!) your simple request is ignored—yet again—even though you put a significant amount of time and energy into trying to prevent this from happening in the first place.

You’re exhausted.

You’re frustrated.

You can’t believe that you have to put this much effort into a simple request like asking your kid to stay near you at the store!

What makes matters worse is the not-so-subtle glares of judgment and criticism by the people around you who magically seem to know how to raise your kid, even though they don’t know you or your kid at all.

You can just guess what they’re thinking about you…

Doesn’t she have any control over her kid?

I can’t believe she lets her kid act like that. My kids will never act like that!

Isn’t she going to do something to let her kid know who’s the boss?!

And even though you’ve vowed a million times that you don’t care what they think, that you will parent positively—the way you want to—you find yourself questioning whether you’re a good mom.

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A few years ago, my family unexpectedly faced a difficult transition.

My son had just started kindergarten, my daughter had just started pre-school, and I had just taken a new position as an adjunct instructor at a State University, a position I had been chasing for years.

We were a busy bunch. Lots of new beginnings were underway and we were all feeling a little stretched.

And that’s when my husband was offered a job in a different state. He’d been unhappy in his current job for a few years, and I had known in the back of my mind that we were facing this possibility but didn’t want to believe it. I was happy with our home and our town and with my place in it. My children had access to a great school system and the cost of living was low without sacrificing opportunity or safety.

On the surface, there were many things to be happy about in regard to the new adventure. It was, after all, an adventure! New city, new places to see, new friends, new opportunities!

But, as anyone who has ever moved before can tell you, moving brings a whole set of challenges as well.

In our case, the challenges were many. We were only four years into a mortgage on a home that I’d planned to raise my children in, a home that was just around the block from a very involved mom – mine! Not to mention the fact that I’d just secured my dream job and both kids were beginning new educational chapters, both of which had the potential to color their experiences going forward if they were successful (or not).

It was a difficult decision for our family. My husband really wanted to go; the job offered more money, with better benefits and was more closely aligned with his field of interest. And it was closer to his family – exactly in the middle of both sides, as a matter of fact.

In the end, we made the (very rapid) decision to go. The company was offering an immediate start date, and my husband didn’t want to lose the opportunity.

Our temporary arrangement was that he would leave immediately; the kids and I would stay behind to finish a few home improvement projects before putting the house on the market in the spring. We were upbeat when we explained to our small children that daddy would be leaving to move to another state, but that he would visit every two weeks (our new home was eight hours away and we thought this would be reasonable) and that we would join him in the summer. Of course, we assumed our house would sell immediately and easily and with minimal fuss.

The best laid plans and all that.

To make a long story short, nothing went quite as planned.

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If you’re anything like me, sometimes your child’s behavior baffles you.

You and your child seem to be completely different. You’re an avid soccer fan and your athleticism amazed every coach you’ve ever had. Not only does your son NOT play sports…he doesn’t like watching them either.

You’ve always been known as an introvert, the person who tends to be more productive when alone. Your daughter craves social interaction and always surrounds herself with a group of friends.

Sometimes I look at my son and wonder, “What world are you from?!”

When he was three, I signed him up for swimming classes. As a child, I had a profound love for swimming and always envisioned my kids sharing in that passion. Guess who is terrified of the water…

Most parents have a preconceived notion of what their kids will like. These notions can be quickly dashed away when we realize that these little humans have their own way of approaching the world and can have different abilities and completely different tastes. It’s important that we try to understand our children’s temperament and behavior so that we can better appreciate their uniqueness.
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