A few years ago, my family unexpectedly faced a difficult transition.

My son had just started kindergarten, my daughter had just started pre-school, and I had just taken a new position as an adjunct instructor at a State University, a position I had been chasing for years.

We were a busy bunch. Lots of new beginnings were underway and we were all feeling a little stretched.

And that’s when my husband was offered a job in a different state. He’d been unhappy in his current job for a few years, and I had known in the back of my mind that we were facing this possibility but didn’t want to believe it. I was happy with our home and our town and with my place in it. My children had access to a great school system and the cost of living was low without sacrificing opportunity or safety.

On the surface, there were many things to be happy about in regard to the new adventure. It was, after all, an adventure! New city, new places to see, new friends, new opportunities!

But, as anyone who has ever moved before can tell you, moving brings a whole set of challenges as well.

In our case, the challenges were many. We were only four years into a mortgage on a home that I’d planned to raise my children in, a home that was just around the block from a very involved mom – mine! Not to mention the fact that I’d just secured my dream job and both kids were beginning new educational chapters, both of which had the potential to color their experiences going forward if they were successful (or not).

It was a difficult decision for our family. My husband really wanted to go; the job offered more money, with better benefits and was more closely aligned with his field of interest. And it was closer to his family – exactly in the middle of both sides, as a matter of fact.

In the end, we made the (very rapid) decision to go. The company was offering an immediate start date, and my husband didn’t want to lose the opportunity.

Our temporary arrangement was that he would leave immediately; the kids and I would stay behind to finish a few home improvement projects before putting the house on the market in the spring. We were upbeat when we explained to our small children that daddy would be leaving to move to another state, but that he would visit every two weeks (our new home was eight hours away and we thought this would be reasonable) and that we would join him in the summer. Of course, we assumed our house would sell immediately and easily and with minimal fuss.

The best laid plans and all that.

To make a long story short, nothing went quite as planned.

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If you’re anything like me, sometimes your child’s behavior baffles you.

You and your child seem to be completely different. You’re an avid soccer fan and your athleticism amazed every coach you’ve ever had. Not only does your son NOT play sports…he doesn’t like watching them either.

You’ve always been known as an introvert, the person who tends to be more productive when alone. Your daughter craves social interaction and always surrounds herself with a group of friends.

Sometimes I look at my son and wonder, “What world are you from?!”

When he was three, I signed him up for swimming classes. As a child, I had a profound love for swimming and always envisioned my kids sharing in that passion. Guess who is terrified of the water…

Most parents have a preconceived notion of what their kids will like. These notions can be quickly dashed away when we realize that these little humans have their own way of approaching the world and can have different abilities and completely different tastes. It’s important that we try to understand our children’s temperament and behavior so that we can better appreciate their uniqueness.
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How many times has a complete stranger made a comment to you or your child?

Probably more than you can count.

I never realized how interactive strangers could be until I became a mom.

Now, stop and think. How many times has a stranger passed judgement or given unwelcome, unsolicited advice during a difficult parenting moment? Say, during a public temper tantrum?

How did you react? What was your child’s response to the interaction?

I can tell you that I have been everywhere on the spectrum from fuming with frustration to stunned into silence.

Our Family “Fun” Day

“Let’s go to a basketball game!” My husband said enthusiastically one evening. He had planned out a whole “family fun day” which included going to a local university basketball game, and out to lunch with our 18-month-old daughter.

I was cautiously optimistic.

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My 14-year-old daughter was asked to babysit a few nights ago by friends of mine.

My daughter has been babysitting now for about two years and is considered one of the most reputable babysitters in our community, as she is considered mature for her age, responsible, and dependable.

On the afternoon of the evening she was set to babysit, I headed out to take my son to his weekly wall climbing class but noticed my daughter sleeping on the couch in the family room with the lights out.

This seemed very strange to me. What teenager takes a nap at 6 PM in the evening? So, I flicked the lights back on. She reacted immediately, “Turn the lights back off! I’m resting!”

I shrugged my shoulders, turned the lights back off, and left the house. On my way to the car, I considered she was just tired and wanted to rest before needing to stay out late babysitting. I beamed with pride for her maturity and sense of responsibility.

When I returned home three hours later, I found my daughter still laying on the couch, with the lights out – a half an hour after she was supposed to leave the house to babysit! What was going on?

I was furious! How dare she break this commitment to this family who was depending on her! What kind of kid is she? Why didn’t my friends call her when she didn’t show up at the set time to babysit?

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