How was your day? 

Fine. 

What did you do at school?

Nothing.

Sound familiar? Certainly, we’ve all been there and reading this may give the sudden realization of how automatic these conversations have become. If you are anything like me, the go-to “check-ins” leave little room for elaborating past the normal script after a long and tiring day of school and work. 

It’s not that these conversations are bad or wrong. Rather, they may leave us questioning how much we are missing out on by simply remaining in the conversational status quo.

But…what if we could shift our mindset about conversations with our kids from mundane and repetitive to a powerful and impactful communication tool?

What if we could make the conscious choice to enhance our children’s lives, build their confidence, empathy, creativity, and set them up to thrive long-term…all through our conversations with them?

As a speech-language pathologist, Harvard lecturer, and mom of two kids, I’ve searched high and low for the answers to these questions. I’ve talked to fellow parents, colleagues, psychologists, neuroscientists, counselors, and many others over the past ten years of my work with kids and families to gain insight on the power of conversation. My personal research has uncovered surprising discoveries about the impact that simple conversation can play in the growth and development of our children. [Read more…]

Your family is sitting at the table, with plates of food in front of them. Conversation is flowing naturally, your children are happy and smiling, freely sharing the details of their school day. 

Wait, what?!

For most parents, the movie-perfect dinnertime is a farfetched fantasy. Let’s be real: school, work, homework, sports, after school activities, and a million other commitments often interfere with the family eating together, much less having the time to converse during it! In fact, recent studies have shown that while 84% of parents agree that eating together is important, only about 50% of meals are actually eaten together as a family.

Finding ways in which to increase opportunities throughout the week in which the entire family can eat together may look like a complex jigsaw puzzle of scheduling- and that’s only part of the struggle!

Even if your family does not eat together as often as you’d like, think about the times in which you do. What does it look like? Are there conversations and eye contact or are all eyes and ears focused on phones, iPads, or the TV? Are there connections being made or is everyone retreating to their own worlds?

While you may want conversation and connection to happen amongst the family, it may not come as easy as you would like, especially after a long, hard day of school and work. The next time you find yourself around the dinner table struggling to prompt conversation, remember that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. [Read more…]

I still remember getting my first perm in middle school and smiling from ear to ear when the most popular girl in the school touched my hair and told me it “looked great.” That compliment felt like a rite of passage, at an age where acceptance was constantly sought out by most girls–even at the cost of meanness.

Once I started playing sports, I found a group of girls that were supportive and caring, many of whom I still keep in touch with today. But even while my team gave a sense of belonging, I still witnessed how very real the mean girl problem was. As I look at my young daughter, so devoted and loving to her friends and peers, I can’t help but cringe at the thought of her eventual experience with the mean girl problem.

The National Center for Education Statistics reported in 2019 that an average of 22 percent of students ages 12 to 18 reported being bullied, with girls reporting significantly higher (25.5%) than boys (19.1%). 

Studies show that bullying can occur amongst any gender, race, socio-economic class, and even age (Do you know a bully in adulthood? Yeah, me too). We also know that there is importance in understanding the role that gender stereotypes play in bullying. Gender identity can impact how children adapt and interact with their peers; gender stereotypes can influence bullying as they impact the socialization of children into gender roles. 

Yes, even in 2021, young boys are still socialized to be strong and independent, while females are socialized to be sensitive and understanding. Children who don’t act according to their expected gender roles are at higher risk of bullying by their peers. [Read more…]

The pandemic has likely forced most of us to experience the disappointment of plans being cancelled left, right and center. For my family, it seemed all the more special when our first holiday in two years actually went ahead. It was great to have a much-needed change of scenery and an opportunity to try new things. But there were some challenging moments, mainly in the form of hard-to-watch, hard-to-hear meltdowns!

As a mother of six-year-old twins, I had hoped that the tantrums of a two-year-old were behind us. But this holiday shone a light on how my more strong-willed daughter was finding it increasingly difficult to calm down. 

My daughter’s explosions appeared to come out of nowhere and I struggled to balance the needs of both girls. My well-meaning parents provided side-line commentary on how I was ‘too soft’ on my explosive child, that it wasn’t fair on my other daughter, and I would never have behaved like this when I was her age.

In my professional life, I work with children to help them cope with life’s ups and downs. As founder of Happy Kids Coach® I am very familiar with dealing with big emotions, but when it came to my own daughter, I was finding things much tougher than normal. Her reactions triggered me in a way only your own child can! 

At a bit of a loss, I became a member of the AFineParent Academy and found Dr. Ross Greene’s “Collaborative and Proactive Solutions Masterclass.” His messages really resonated with me, and I was inspired to order a copy of his book, “The Explosive Child.”  [Read more…]

I was a shy kid growing up, evidenced by hilarious home videos at gymnastics or Easter egg hunts, where I would walk hesitantly from station to station or gingerly stroll as I collected a grand total of two eggs. 

While most of the other kids were going wild, being adventurous, and jumping into the action without a care in the world, I preferred to hang near my parents. I would stick close to a comfort person while I assessed the situation and in large groups, I would rather listen than be the one to chime in. I can still be like that now as an adult (although I have, thankfully, long stopped clinging to my parents’ legs).

I still remember situations throughout childhood in which I would overhear other parents say, “Ohh, is she shy?” their voices dripping with sympathy or pity. Every part of my insides would cringe and I would want to disappear.

Fast forward to the present and I now have a two-and-a-half-year-old son who reminds me of the same child I was, clinging to my parent’s leg. He hangs out by my side at birthday parties to assess the situation before jumping in to play with the other kids. As he navigates a playground, I can see him assessing the ins and outs of each slide before taking the dive down. 

[Read more…]