A Fine Parent

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What is Emotional Intelligence and Why You Should Care

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(This article is part of the Emotional Intelligence series. Get free article updates here.)

What is emotional intelligence and why you should care - title imageIt’s there on your bucket list of great parenting – to raise a well-adjusted, successful child who will maximize his potential and flourish as an adult. 

But how do you do that? What experiences can you give your child now to help prepare him for a world that grows increasingly complex each day?

Schools push standardized tests and curricula based around STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) or Common Core, but future success is not just about best educational practices.

The latest research indicates that the more likely predictors of future success include not just cognitive learning factors but social and emotional learning tool, starting in pre-school through post-secondary education.

In other words, it’s not just about IQ, But EQ – their Emotional Intelligence Quotient – as well.

But Really, What is Emotional Intelligence?

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What is Mindfulness, And How to Reap its Benefits (Even if You Aren’t Into Touchy, Feely, New Agey Stuff)

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(This article is part of the Mindful Parenting series. Get free article updates here.)

What is Mindfulness, And How to Reap its Benefits - IntroductionYou’ve heard of mindfulness, right?

I know, silly question. You couldn’t have escaped it unless you were living in a pod in outer space — everybody and their pet seems to be talking about it these days.

But, what is mindfulness? And can you benefit from it even if you’re not quite into the whole touchy, feely, new-agey stuff?

I hear you.

I stumbled on mindfulness by chance, or fate, depending on how you look at it and what you believe. Either way it was a happy incident.

We were in Kuala Lumpur Airport waiting for our plane to arrive and decided to grab a coffee from a place across a bookstore while we waited.

What is Mindfulness Article Book Suggestion: Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng TanI have a weakness for airport bookstores — traveling helps rid me of my inhibitions and the curse of putting too much thought into what I read. While looking through the shelves rather aimlessly, the book Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace) by Chade-Meng Tan caught my eye. I bought it on an impulse for my husband.

At the time he was busy so I started reading it.

I was hooked.

Before becoming a stay at home mom, I was a software engineer and this book is perfect for those of us who are piqued by mindfulness but could do without the touchy, feely, new-agey vibe.

While reading the book I looked up the Google University session lead by Jon Kabbat-Zinn, a doctor who has been credited with bringing mindfulness to the attention of the west and creating a program which helps fight stress using mindfulness.

His definition of mindfulness is
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The Power of a Schedule: 3 Simple Steps to Encourage Better Organizational Skills

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

organizational-skill main imageComing home from work at six in the evening, I stared in dismay as I stepped into my daughter’s room. Her school books lay untouched and her room looked as though a cyclone had recently touched base. 

“What is this?” I tried (unsuccessfully) not to shout. “Didn’t I call and tell you to finish your school work and tidy your room before I returned?” 

My 11-year-old daughter looked confused. 

“Oh, yes…,” my daughter said, looking around the room as though someone had just shone a light on it. “I didn’t remember…” she said softly.

What am I doing wrong, I thought? Why is it so difficult for my daughter to remember a few simple chores? Now that school had shifted back to in-person mode, was it getting too tough for my child to collect and retain everything that needed to be done? Why was my daughter so scattered that she could not complete simple organizational tasks- even when I asked her to do them?

As frustrating as it may feel to watch our child’s disorganization interfere with their success, it is most likely not due to a lack of motivation. Dr. Peg Dawson, a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of “Smart but Scattered Kids,” reminds us that children are still developing the executive skills needed to be organized.

Executive skills are the brain-based processes that help children regulate their behavior and set and achieve goals. Executive skills are managed in the frontal lobe of the brain and while they begin to develop shortly after birth, they will take up to 25 years to mature!  [Read more…]

Purposeful Conversations: Everyday Ways to Reap the Benefits of Talking With Your Kids

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

How was your day? 

Fine. 

What did you do at school?

Nothing.

Sound familiar? Certainly, we’ve all been there and reading this may give the sudden realization of how automatic these conversations have become. If you are anything like me, the go-to “check-ins” leave little room for elaborating past the normal script after a long and tiring day of school and work. 

It’s not that these conversations are bad or wrong. Rather, they may leave us questioning how much we are missing out on by simply remaining in the conversational status quo.

But…what if we could shift our mindset about conversations with our kids from mundane and repetitive to a powerful and impactful communication tool?

What if we could make the conscious choice to enhance our children’s lives, build their confidence, empathy, creativity, and set them up to thrive long-term…all through our conversations with them?

As a speech-language pathologist, Harvard lecturer, and mom of two kids, I’ve searched high and low for the answers to these questions. I’ve talked to fellow parents, colleagues, psychologists, neuroscientists, counselors, and many others over the past ten years of my work with kids and families to gain insight on the power of conversation. My personal research has uncovered surprising discoveries about the impact that simple conversation can play in the growth and development of our children. [Read more…]

3 Key Takeaways From the “Social Skills Masterclass” With Janine Halloran

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(This article is part of the PPC 2022 series. Get free article updates here.)

If you’ve been following along with the past few weeks of mini-series articles to prepare for the 2022 Positive Parenting Conference at AFineParent.com, then you have probably felt the energy leap off your screen! The conference literally has something for everyone, regardless of what your family structure looks like, who you are parenting with, and how many children you may have.

Take, for example, our next highlighted masterclass expert Janine Halloran. As the Editor-in-Chief and a writer for AFineParent.com, I was so excited to have early access to the Social Skills Masterclass. Janine is a licensed mental health professional who has been working with children and adolescents for 15 years and is the author of Social Skills for Kids: Over 75 Fun Games & Activities for Building Better Relationships, Problem Solving & Improving Communication, which was the inspiration for this masterclass. 

Janine makes the immediate point that all children have different innate levels of social awareness with some having much more natural social skills than others. As a parent of three very socially different children, this was a relief to hear. Although I am a behavior specialist at a special education school by profession and social skill diversity is not a new topic for me, feeling “okay” with my own children’s diverse social awareness has always been a different story. 

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