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How to Forge a Strong Family Using Good Old Family Stories

by Holly Munson.
(This article is part of the Close-Knit Family series. Get free article updates here.)

Family Stories: MainWonk. Bummy-wup. Giffis.

Do you understand any of these words? If so, then congratulations, you are a member of my family.

(If you’re not, FYI: the words mean milk, tuck in for bedtime, and breakfast, respectively.)

It was only when I got married that I realized how unique my family vocabulary is.

Almost daily, I would say something that would be met with a blank stare by my husband. So much so that I had to compile a “family dictionary” translating the distinct words, phrases, and inside jokes frequently referenced by my family.

All families have stories to tell—whether it’s about the origin of an odd word like “giffis,” or about how Grandpa survived a battle in WWII or Grandma battled cancer or Uncle Joe battled raccoons at a family campout.

If you identify, refine, and share stories about your family—triumphs and challenges, quirks and strengths—you can make your family happier and more resilient and close-knit.

Why Family Stories Matter

Your kids may yawn or even roll their eyes at dinnertime when you trot out the story of, say, how you met their mother.

Or they may not get enough of those tall tales and beg you to repeat them every chance they get.

Whatever their response, a growing body of research shows that teaching children about their family history yields just about every benefit a parent could wish for their kids:
[Read more…]

How to Love Unconditionally When Your Child is Being Difficult

by Deborah Stern.
(This article is part of the Close-Knit Family series. Get free article updates here.)

How to love unconditionally when your child is being difficult - Main PosterSo we’ve all heard parenting experts tell us that the one thing children need most to grow and thrive is unconditional love from their parents.

It is easy to say that we love our children when they are being good.

Figuring out how to love unconditionally when kids are being really difficult is quite another.

I thought that I had mastered the art of teaching my children compassion, empathy and the love of family. I thought that unconditional love came easily for me.

But that was before I opened my home to my little four-year-old foster son, who came to me kicking, screaming and daring me to love him.

The first time I saw Frank, my new foster son, was at the Loxahatchee Feed Store. His former foster mother was dropping him off. He was too spirited of a child for her and her mother to take care of, she had explained to me over the phone. The agency had thought of me.

The little boy in front of me did not smile. He was a little bit of a boy, with curly black hair and large brown eyes. His skin was the color of milk chocolate. I had fallen in love with him the very minute that I laid eyes on him.

On the second day of my new foster son’s arrival, I woke to the sound of screams. I ran to my living room. Frank had somehow broken my 16-year-old son’s fish tank. Glass and dying, flopping fish were scattered across my floor. Ethan picked up the fish and ran to our canal in a futile attempt to save their lives.

A few minutes later I found Frank heading down my driveway, his backpack and Spider man suitcase in tow.

“Where do you think you are going?” I asked him.

[Read more…]

Are These Character Education Mistakes Sabotaging Your Family?

by Brit Chambers.
(This article is part of the Building Character series. Get free article updates here.)

Character Education Mistakes: Main PictureWe saw several articles this month outlining a variety of ways to build character in our kids. But, what if none of our efforts seem to make any difference?

What if our kids continue being mean, in spite of our attempt to teach them compassion?

What if our kids continue to be bossy, in spite of our attempt to teach them politeness?

What if all our attempts to teach them to be responsible come up short?

As parents invested in raising kids with good character, this can be very frustrating.

But the reasons for these setbacks may actually just be us unintentionally sabotaging our character education attempts with some common mistakes.

Check below to see if any of these mistakes are holding you down:

Mistake #1: Believing how kids act on the outside mirrors who they are on the inside

A child with good character is not a child that is perfect all the time.

Successfully building character in your children will come with a lot of mistakes. Kids are learning everyday – and character building is a part of that learning process. Children’s brains are not wired to understand impulse control and selflessness from the beginning. These are actually learned traits that parents are responsible for instilling in their children.

[Read more…]

What to Do When Your Kids Are Mean

by Marianne Griebler.
(This article is part of the Building Character series. Get free article updates here.)

Mean Kids - IntroHave your kids ever said something so unexpectedly mean that it made you recoil with horror?

When our second daughter, Claire, was born, it was immediately clear that Sarah, our first born, was not a fan.

She put on a good show initially – at least as a good a show as you can when you’re 2-1/2 and your world has been turned upside down. She claimed to love the baby; she would pat Claire’s head, try to feed her Cheerios and read her board books in a high-pitched, sing-songy voice.

Soon these charitable acts were interspersed with minor acts of terrorism. Pinching. Yelling. Failed attempts to tip over Claire in her baby bouncer.

I couldn’t leave the two of them alone in a room. All of my pleas to Sarah to love her sister fell on deaf ears. I envisioned a future where my home looked more like a war zone filled with mean kids than the peaceful, compassionate haven of my dreams.

The low moment came one day when Claire was napping.

Sarah was keeping me company in the kitchen while I cleaned up from lunch. As I wiped down the highchair tray, Sarah wrinkled her nose and suggested that the baby was way too messy. In the broken English employed by three-year-olds, she confided in me that the solution was to take that baby, dump her in the garbage and watch her “head crack open like an egg.”

This was the solution my three-year-old offered me to put an end to messy highchair trays, forever!

I don’t think I can fully capture the horror of the moment.

How could my sweet little angel say such a thing?

How could she be – I could barely summon the word – so MEAN?

The Words that Make Us Recoil in Horror

[Read more…]

Child Not Doing Homework? Read This Before You Try Anything Else

by Tanith Carey.
(This article is part of the Be Positive series. Get free article updates here.)

Child Not Doing Homework? Read This Before You Try Anything Else: IntroductionWith less than an hour to go before my seven-year-old daughter’s bedtime, my home was a long way from being the oasis of calm I was hoping for at that time of evening.

Instead, Lily had just scribbled all over her homework worksheet, thrown her pencil on the floor and was now yelling at the top of her voice: “I hate Math! I suck at it!”

With my younger daughter to put to bed, Lily in a melt down and me exhausted after a day at work, the tension was rapidly rising.

But even if I could calm ourselves down, there was no end in sight. Even if I could persuade her to finish her math homework, Lily still had the whole book reading to do.

So I was facing two choices –

Should I stand over her and insist that not doing homework was NOT an option?

Or should I tell her to put the books away, write a note to her teacher and just let her unwind and play in the lead up to bedtime?

Have you been there? What choice would you make?

The choice I would make now is very different to what my choice would have been a few years back.

Back then, I’d try to push through with a mixture of cajoling and prompting and assurances that she did know how to do her Math really.

If that didn’t work then maybe in despair and frustration that she didn’t seem to want to try, I would have gotten angry and tried to explain how serious I was about this.

A Game of One-Upmanship

[Read more…]

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Fair Warning: While none of this is professional advice, it is powerful stuff and could potentially change your life!
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