A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

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What is Resilience and How to Raise Strong, Resilient Kids

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(This article is part of the Strong Kids series. Get free article updates here.)

What is Resilience - Main PicLooking into the face of your newborn is one of the most mesmerizing experiences a parent can have, even when it’s number two, three or four.

There’s nothing that surpasses it! Unless it’s watching them walk up to receive their diploma 18 years later.

The fear of every parent when a new baby comes into their lives is that they won’t measure up to the challenge or be able to provide the kind of life that develops kids capable of being strong, competent adults. How well I remember, even though those years were long ago, and I now watch grandchildren move into the adult world.

Looking back and reflecting on qualities that truly make a difference, I feel there are some that stand out as essential. One of those is RESILIENCE – defined in Raising Resilient Children by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein as the ability to have inner strength to deal competently and successfully with challenges and demands. It is a quality every parent hopes his or her child develops; however, it is one that doesn’t happen automatically. [Read more…]

A Personal Story:
Life, Goals and Gobi Manchurian

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(This article is part of the Wisdom From the Trenches series. Get free article updates here.)

Personal Story - Life, Goals and Gobi Manchurian - Main ImageDo you believe in the power of stories?

I do.

And today, on the almost-3rd anniversary of this blog (it’s on Oct 7th, woot!), I want to share with you a story that has driven some of the biggest decisions of my life in the recent years and helped me turn my life around.

This is a story from my college days.

As many of you know, I was born and raised in India. The culture and lifestyle there, particularly 20+ years back was very different than it is here now.

Back in India, parents fund children’s college years. There are no jobs for students to do to earn an income. You learn to make do with whatever allowance your parents give you.

I am a middle child from a middle-class family. My years in college overlapped those of my sisters… first my older sister and then my younger sister. Consequently, the allowances we received were pretty meager.

I didn’t think too much about it at the time though. It was the norm. Most students fell into one of two distinct classes — the “rich” or the “others”.

I firmly belonged among the “others” and for the most part, I was perfectly fine with it.

During the first years of my college, I received an allowance of Rs. 800 (USD 12) per month, and a little more in the later years. Out of this Rs. 600 – Rs. 650 would go towards my board (a small room shared with two others), food and electric bills. That left me with roughly Rs. 150 – Rs. 200 (about USD 2.25 – USD 3) to for all other expenses — from books to tampons.

The cost of living in India 20 years back was quite low. But still, Rs. 200 didn’t go very far. Ever the resourceful, we — the “others” — made up with creativity what we lacked in the financial department. [Read more…]

10 Instances When You Should Get Out Of The Way To Be a Better Parent

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

How to be a Better Parent - Main PicSo, on this site we talk a lot about being connected parents.

About guiding and supporting our kids in their journey through childhood, so they can grow up to be fantastic human beings.

Today though I want to take a step back and look specifically at those instances when we need to get out of the way so we can be better parents.

It was amazing how many situations I could come up with once I got thinking!

We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s dive right in –

#1 When Your Lid Is About To Blow

Let’s just start off with a bang.

Sometimes there are instances when we can get angry in a controlled manner.

And then, there are those when all sanity has left the building, and we simply want to scream, rant and rave not caring a hoot to what destruction it leaves in its wake.

[Read more…]

How to Help Your Anxious Child Grow Up to Be a Happy Person

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Anxious Child - Main PicThat knot in the pit of your stomach?

That hand squeezing your chest?

That voice telling you this is all going to go horribly wrong?

That is anxiety, my friends.

It’s hard enough to deal with that feeling of dread and worry in myself, but it is heart breaking when my kids look up at me with big blue eyes full of worry and tears and tell me, “I just can’t do it, Mommy.”

Both of my boys have struggled with anxiety. My oldest was bullied in 2nd grade. The constant verbal assaults on him resulted in stomachaches, headaches, begging to be homeschooled, not sleeping, and going to the bathroom every 30 minutes. All are on the menu of classic symptoms of acute anxiety.

My youngest just seems to be a worrier. About once a week he comes out with some new thing to worry about. Currently his greatest worry is that he won’t make enough money from his art to support himself.  He is 6.

My kids aren’t alone in being anxious worriers. Every child experiences some anxiety. Before tests. At concert performances. The first day at a new school.

Anxiety and nervousness are normal as long as it doesn’t get in the way of their everyday lives. Once that happens it’s time to seek some professional support.

So, if your child is a worrier who does not need professional intervention, how can you help them process through these moments of chest-tightening, stomach-churning worry and learn to lead a calmer, happier life?

[Read more…]

Is Your Child Just Sad? Or Feeling Depressed? How to Tell and What to Do

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(This article is part of the Strong Kids series. Get free article updates here.)

Sad or Depressed Main PosterHave you ever felt really, really blue and wondered if you were just sad, or actually depressed? If it is hard for us to tell the difference even in ourselves, how can we tell it in our kids?

One of my favorite books as a child was Anne of Green Gables. I knew I’d found a kindred spirit when the main character, Anne Shirley, proclaimed that she was in the “depths of despair.” I remember thinking, “Finally, here’s a girl who understands me.”

Never mind that Anne Shirley was a red-headed 11-year-old orphan living on Prince Edward Island in the early 1900’s, and I was a little black girl from a small town in Alabama, growing up in the 1980’s.

Anne Shirley was a character prone to theatrics, and if I’m totally honest, I had my share of dramatic moments as a child, but what I identified with was Anne’s sadness–a sadness which was probably a precursor to my first real bout of depression years later during my freshman year of college.

So, when I started to recognize that same sadness in my own daughter, I knew I had to be open to the possibility that it was more than just pre-teen melancholy.

But how can you tell if your child is just sad or truly depressed? And what can you do in each case to help?

[Read more…]