How many times has a complete stranger made a comment to you or your child?

Probably more than you can count.

I never realized how interactive strangers could be until I became a mom.

Now, stop and think. How many times has a stranger passed judgement or given unwelcome, unsolicited advice during a difficult parenting moment? Say, during a public temper tantrum?

How did you react? What was your child’s response to the interaction?

I can tell you that I have been everywhere on the spectrum from fuming with frustration to stunned into silence.

Our Family “Fun” Day

“Let’s go to a basketball game!” My husband said enthusiastically one evening. He had planned out a whole “family fun day” which included going to a local university basketball game, and out to lunch with our 18-month-old daughter.

I was cautiously optimistic.

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My 14-year-old daughter was asked to babysit a few nights ago by friends of mine.

My daughter has been babysitting now for about two years and is considered one of the most reputable babysitters in our community, as she is considered mature for her age, responsible, and dependable.

On the afternoon of the evening she was set to babysit, I headed out to take my son to his weekly wall climbing class but noticed my daughter sleeping on the couch in the family room with the lights out.

This seemed very strange to me. What teenager takes a nap at 6 PM in the evening? So, I flicked the lights back on. She reacted immediately, “Turn the lights back off! I’m resting!”

I shrugged my shoulders, turned the lights back off, and left the house. On my way to the car, I considered she was just tired and wanted to rest before needing to stay out late babysitting. I beamed with pride for her maturity and sense of responsibility.

When I returned home three hours later, I found my daughter still laying on the couch, with the lights out – a half an hour after she was supposed to leave the house to babysit! What was going on?

I was furious! How dare she break this commitment to this family who was depending on her! What kind of kid is she? Why didn’t my friends call her when she didn’t show up at the set time to babysit?

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I long, in a romantic, nostalgic way, for the days of my childhood.

Running in open fields. Biking down the road with my friends. Building forts and dams down by the creek. Camping in the woods. With nary an adult in sight.

But that nostalgic longing isn’t about me. I am sad my kids can’t experience the wild freedom of my childhood.

And why can’t I give my kids have that same carefree childhood that I had?

Fear.

I fear for my children. For their safety. I fear that they will be kidnapped. Hit by a car. Harmed by doing something because they didn’t think through to their consequences. I fear the consequences will be more than I can bear.

Parenting isn’t for wimps. It is soul-wrenchingly awful to let your heart out of your body and go walking around where you have no control and can’t protect it.

Before I had even realized it, I had forgotten the carefree joys of my childhood. And had turned into a clichéd helicopter parent.

I would strive to shield them from all consequences. I would hold their hands tightly as we crossed any street. I would stop them just as they were about to jump off the playground equipment, a mere 2 feet in the air.

It takes a lot of guts and bravery to let our children go and live their lives. I used to think that moving across the country alone with 2 suitcases, no job, and $1000 was the bravest thing I ever did.

Nope. Now I realize that pales in comparison to parenting.

Parenting has been the scariest thing I’ve ever attempted. I think I was more terrified than my kids on their first day of pre-school. And that was only the start!

I couldn’t keep going down that path, though. Because soon I realized, as kids grow older, so do the number of things I could be scared of. Continuing down that path of fearful parenting would someday lead me to a nervous breakdown.

I chose to learn how to parent bravely. It hasn’t always been easy. And it’s a conscious effort. Here are 4 key things I learned along the way.

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“Jacob, do you know how important reading comprehension is? Do you know how important becoming a good writer can be to your future?”

He stares at me blankly.

“Well, let me tell you. No matter what you do, you’ll need to understand what you read and convey a clear thought in writing. I can’t think of one profession where those things won’t matter.”

Some days, he continues to stare at me blankly.

On others, he quickly responds with a “Yeah, Ok. OK!!” in that exasperated voice of his that conveys he’ll agree with whatever I say just to keep me from launching into more nagging and lecturing.

Jacob loves math and science. However, when it comes to language arts, he is totally uninterested. And I lecture and nag to drive home the point that this stuff really matters.

In reality though, he probably just hears “blah, blah, blah.”

No matter how much I harp, nothing I say seems to get through.

So, what do we do, parents? There are so many important issues that we want to talk to our kids about, but if everything we say just goes into one ear and out the other and completely bypasses the brain, what good will it achieve?

Here’s what I’ve found out –

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