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Ah, summer. That wonderful time of year when magic can happen.

I love summer vacation. There is swimming, sleeping in, playing with friends, and camps to attend! The possibilities for fun are endless!

Our summer, like everybody’s, starts off with a lot of excitement and the boys embrace the joy and freedom of summer vacation.

For about a week.

Then the strains of I’m booooorrrred! There’s nothing to dooooooo… come wafting through the house.

I did have suggestions for them for what to do. Oddly, neither of my boys seemed to want to do any of the chores I mentioned. (Unless it was for money.)

All I could do was roll my eyes as Henry flopped on the couch, put his hand over his eyes in imitation of a swoon worthy of Scarlet O’Hara, and repeated, “I’m booooooredddddddDDDDAH!” for what seemed like the 100th time that day.

I was ready to scream. Instead, showing great restraint, I reached out to Google and Pinterest to find some suggestions for my boys.

While I was busy doing “research”, I suddenly realized… the whining had stopped. And in its place, I heard the not-so-quiet sounds of two boys busy building costumes and making up stories.

And just like that I had stumbled upon the secret of unlocking a child’s inner creative genius…

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It’s Monday morning and we have a case of the “Where’s my.”

Where’s my homework?

Where’s my soccer ball?

Where’s my library book?

Where’s my other sock?

And the answer, “Where you left it,” though satisfying to say, is not helpful.

Or so I’ve been told.

I am a firm believer that I, as the mom, should not be the one responsible for locating all my children’s things.  However, that hasn’t been the case.

Somehow, without me ever signing up for it, I became The Finder.

It wasn’t a big deal when the boys were younger. I was happy to be The Finder when they didn’t have as much to find and remember, but as the boys get older, that is changing. Rapidly.

Therefore, I have been inspired to take certain steps towards relinquishing my title as The Finder.

I am not alone in my quest to get my family organized and running smoothly. There is a reason The Container Store makes over $750 million each year and Marie Kondo’s 2014 book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up was #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and has sold more than 3 million copies.

All of us fight to stay organized on a daily basis for many reasons.

Educators cite being organized as the key to academic success, especially in college.  Being organized not only leads to higher test scores, but it also results in more on time assignments and lower stress.

Being organized doesn’t only help stress levels in school. A disorganized home or office has also been found to contribute to increased stress levels. Chronically high levels of stress can lead to depression, fatigue, fights, and lower productivity.

Living in disorganized chaos can also lead to fractured home lives as well. People have admitted to researchers they will choose to work late to avoid going home and into an environment of chaos. And I, for one, have occasionally felt more than a little resentful towards my family when I think I am alone in the struggle to keep the household and its members organized.

I am not doing my family or myself any favors by being The Finder and sorting through the jumbles of assignments, due dates, and appointments and making everything ready for the morning. My children need to learn how to be organized themselves.

Not just so they make it out the door to school in time, but so they can succeed throughout their lives.

So, how do I get my children to be organized?

Here are 4 things you can do to raise an organized child.

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“But Moooom! Whyyy?”

“Because, I Say So!!”

How easily those four words roll off our tongues when our children meet us with whining and repeated demands.

But is it a good idea to keep resorting to them?

I am a mom of three boys. One of their biggest questions is, “Mom, can we go to Nana’s?”

We live right across the street from her so they run back and forth constantly! They love to go see their grandmother, but I also know that they love to go have the run of her TV; they love to get out of doing their daily chores; and they love all of the sweet treats that Nana gives them every time they walk through her door.

So by the zillionth time in a day they ask me, “Mom, can we go to Nana’s?” and they have heard, “Not right now” they naturally reply with, “But, whyyyyyy?” (Drawn out with a dramatic plea.)

By now I’m at my wit’s end. And I’m quick to quip back, “Because, I Say So!”

Why is that a problem though? Why shouldn’t we just say “Because, I Say So!” and just get things done? It sure is efficient and haven’t parents used that for generations?

Research in the field of developmental psychology may have the answer. Psychologists classify parenting styles into 4 categories based on how controlling and demanding we are, and how much we focus on communication, responsiveness and nurturing.

Here is a simple picture illustrating the different parenting styles –

As positive parents, our goal is to nurture democratic families by being authoritative parents who partner with our kids to raise them to be happy, well-behaved and well-adjusted. According to researchers, while there is no universally “best” style of parenting, this style of parenting is better associated with raising competent kids who have positive behaviors and strong self-esteem.

Even when it may be uttered out of frustration or exasperation, the “Because I Say So!” response pushes us into the authoritarian parenting style – not only does this fray our relationship with our kids but could result in our kids ending up being fearful and anxious, less self-confident, and poor communicators.

So, what else can we say instead of “Because I Say So!”?

Here are a few alternate responses:

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In my house, 90% of all arguments start with a “Can I?” followed up with a “No.”

Then CRACK! We’re off to the shouting matches.

Here’s a recent shout-a-thon.

“Can I have a PS5?”

“No.”

“But why can’t I have a PS5?? Alex has one! And so does Miles!”

“But you are not going to have one. You don’t need one!”

“But they have Star Front Battle Wars! I love that game!”

“I said NO!”

“But I WANT it! And I am GOING to get it!”

“You. Are. Not! Now, you listen to me, young man! There is no way, on this green earth, that I am going to buy you a PS5!!”

“YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!”

“GAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

Did all that shouting solve anything? Nope.  Am I proud of myself? Not in the slightest.  In fact, as soon as I calm down, I feel awful.  I shouted at my child! I’m not even sure why. I must be the worst parent ever!

Sound familiar?

I’ll let you in on a little secret …

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