I never thought it would happen to me.

My children are sweet, and kind, and loving and gentle.

Except when they’re not.

And even that’s okay, because they’re kids, right? They are learning to manage emotions. I’m a thinking parent. I can hold their outbursts. I can be their emotional buffer. I have this down.

Except when I don’t.

‘I Hate You, Mom!’

These words hissed from the tender mouth of my 7-year-old daughter carved the breath right out of me.

WhereDidThatComeFrom?

And what terrible act on my part provoked such an outburst?

My insistence that shorts were not appropriate attire for the sub-zero temperatures of a December morning.

Really?

I’m working hard to be a positive parent. In that moment, I felt so betrayed!

Of course, the ‘I Hate you, Mom!’ had very little to do with the shorts thing.

I knew that. But boy, did it crush me anyway!

At the time I didn’t know what to do, or how best to respond. I can’t even remember now what I did. Let’s just say it wasn’t my finest moment.

I do recall being aware of the need to explore this idea further. So, I did some homework to prepare myself in case ‘I Hate You, Mom!’ came to play again.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

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Ah, summer. That wonderful time of year when magic can happen.

I love summer vacation. There is swimming, sleeping in, playing with friends, and camps to attend! The possibilities for fun are endless!

Our summer, like everybody’s, starts off with a lot of excitement and the boys embrace the joy and freedom of summer vacation.

For about a week.

Then the strains of I’m booooorrrred! There’s nothing to dooooooo… come wafting through the house.

I did have suggestions for them for what to do. Oddly, neither of my boys seemed to want to do any of the chores I mentioned. (Unless it was for money.)

All I could do was roll my eyes as Henry flopped on the couch, put his hand over his eyes in imitation of a swoon worthy of Scarlet O’Hara, and repeated, “I’m booooooredddddddDDDDAH!” for what seemed like the 100th time that day.

I was ready to scream. Instead, showing great restraint, I reached out to Google and Pinterest to find some suggestions for my boys.

While I was busy doing “research”, I suddenly realized… the whining had stopped. And in its place, I heard the not-so-quiet sounds of two boys busy building costumes and making up stories.

And just like that I had stumbled upon the secret of unlocking a child’s inner creative genius…

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A calm-down corner (or area; it doesn’t have to be in a corner) is a place for angry and upset children to go to engage their minds and release their anger. I used this when my children were little in place of time-out because time-out didn’t work for my sensitive son. Here, I’ll show you how to make the perfect calm-down corner for your child that you can put together today and start to use right away.

The Purpose

Becoming and remaining calm during anger is an important skill for children to learn. When we are angry, something significant happens in our brains. We experience an “amygdala hijack” and the primitive part of our brain is activated.

This is the fight, flight, or freeze response.

When we are in our primitive brains, we have limited access to logic and reasoning. We are quick to react without thinking it through. We just aren’t able to think clearly. If you want a more scientific explanation of what happens to the brain when you’re angry, check this out.

The purpose of the calm-down corner is to get out of fight or flight and engage the thinking part of the brain again. Until the anger has subsided, a child can’t really learn the lessons we want to teach about why their behavior is unacceptable and what they should do instead. (The reason why time-out doesn’t work for many children is because it is perceived as a threat or causes further feelings of anger and fear which just keeps the child locked in their primitive brain!)
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It’s Monday morning and we have a case of the “Where’s my.”

Where’s my homework?

Where’s my soccer ball?

Where’s my library book?

Where’s my other sock?

And the answer, “Where you left it,” though satisfying to say, is not helpful.

Or so I’ve been told.

I am a firm believer that I, as the mom, should not be the one responsible for locating all my children’s things.  However, that hasn’t been the case.

Somehow, without me ever signing up for it, I became The Finder.

It wasn’t a big deal when the boys were younger. I was happy to be The Finder when they didn’t have as much to find and remember, but as the boys get older, that is changing. Rapidly.

Therefore, I have been inspired to take certain steps towards relinquishing my title as The Finder.

I am not alone in my quest to get my family organized and running smoothly. There is a reason The Container Store makes over $750 million each year and Marie Kondo’s 2014 book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up was #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and has sold more than 3 million copies.

All of us fight to stay organized on a daily basis for many reasons.

Educators cite being organized as the key to academic success, especially in college.  Being organized not only leads to higher test scores, but it also results in more on time assignments and lower stress.

Being organized doesn’t only help stress levels in school. A disorganized home or office has also been found to contribute to increased stress levels. Chronically high levels of stress can lead to depression, fatigue, fights, and lower productivity.

Living in disorganized chaos can also lead to fractured home lives as well. People have admitted to researchers they will choose to work late to avoid going home and into an environment of chaos. And I, for one, have occasionally felt more than a little resentful towards my family when I think I am alone in the struggle to keep the household and its members organized.

I am not doing my family or myself any favors by being The Finder and sorting through the jumbles of assignments, due dates, and appointments and making everything ready for the morning. My children need to learn how to be organized themselves.

Not just so they make it out the door to school in time, but so they can succeed throughout their lives.

So, how do I get my children to be organized?

Here are 4 things you can do to raise an organized child.

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“Mommy, why won’t Ed and Danny let me play with them?”

My son had tears in his eyes, the pain of rejection apparent in every little furrow on his brow, in every quiver of his bottom lip.

I narrowed my eyes, whipped out my ‘Cape-of-Protection’, assumed my superhero stance and was ready to step in. My heart was breaking for him – we all know the hurt of social exclusion. That sinking sensation of being left out. I desperately wanted to shield him from it.

Then I stopped.

And I reminded myself that I won’t be at his side every time he experiences rejection and social exclusion. My role as parent is to help prepare him for when it happens, not solve his problem for him.

I packed my Cape away, and put on my Thinking Cap.

Here’s what I came up with as an action plan…

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