A Fine Parent

A Life Skills Blog Exclusively For Parents

100 Self-Care Ideas That Will Fit Easily in Your Busy Schedule

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(This article is part of the Self Awareness series. Get free article updates here.)

100 Self Care Ideas

You have to take good care of yourself first if you want to take good care of others – all of us here know that, right?

And yet, we parents are the worst offenders when it comes to breaking this basic, fairly intuitive rule.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at my breaking point. Within the past few months, I have graduated from college, lost my grandmother, remodeled our kitchen and moved my mother-in-law in with us due to health issues, all while raising 3 energetic boys (who are great kids, but can bicker, brawl and in general drive me up the wall like any normal kids) and working as a freelance writer.

No big deal…most parents have a few balls in the air at any given time as we juggle whatever life throws at us, right?

Here’s the thing though. While I did get all these things done, I was noticing that I was starting to lack in terms of patience and then starting to reel from feelings of utter exhaustion and depletion.

At first, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling that way. Then it hit me. I had spent zero time on myself for months on end.

Knowing that we need to take care of ourselves as an abstract concept is one thing. Being able to actually fit that into our tight schedules is quite another.

So, I decided to sit down and make a list of all the different ways we busy parents can fit self-care into our schedules (it’s a good thing I’m a writer and can kill two birds with one stone :)) What I ended up with is this monster list of 100 different self-care ideas.

Take a look. I’m sure there are a few you can work into your life no matter how busy it is at the moment.

OK, here we go:

[Read more…]

How to Raise Mentally Strong Kids in a Stressful World

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(This article is part of the Emotional Intelligence series. Get free article updates here.)

Mentally Strong - Main ImageDon’t you sometimes wish you were a carefree child?

To just leave behind work, family, financial responsibilities, all the doom and gloom we hear in the news, and just be completely worry-free?

As it turns out though, childhood isn’t as worry-free as we’d like to think it is.

A study of 20,000 Australian children indicated that on average 1 in 5 children worried most or all of the time. The most worried about topics were future, family, and health. Other categories of worry included friends, body image, bullying, world problems, school and being different.

While these stats are sobering, here’s the part that really got to me – of those surveyed, 1 in 5 children said that they wouldn’t talk about it to anyone.

In the study mentioned above, developmental psychologist Dr. Richard O’Kearney says embarrassment and fear of what others would think about them keeps kids from reaching out for help. So, not only are kids experiencing stress, but they’re not reaching out for support.

As a Mental Skills Coach for the last decade, I’ve worked with youth athletes to help them become more mentally strong. I’ve helped kids learn to manage stress both sport-related and life-related — school concerns, social issues with friends, feeling pressure from parents on and off the field, and more.

Now that I have my own kids, I see even more how easy it is for them to experience stress.

While some stress is normal, our kids shouldn’t have to deal with these burdens without a support system (that’s us!). Additionally, they need to have their own arsenal of skills to help them better manage the stress they are experiencing when we’re not around or they are hesitant to bring the situation to our attention.

I want to share with you today some of the strategies that I teach. Please keep in mind that while the ideas below can bring stress relief to many, if you suspect your child has higher levels of anxiety than what seems normal, you may want to check in with your healthcare provider.

First Things First: Understand the Sources, Signs and Symptoms of Stress

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How to Offer Positive Encouragement (Sorry, “Good Job!” Doesn’t Cut It)

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

Positive Encouragement - Main Poster_71984821_MDon’t you just hate it when you try to offer positive encouragement to your child, but it falls completely flat?

It happened to me just this week. My oldest came home and proudly showed me the ‘A’ he got on his biography of Lord Admiral Nelson. I was so impressed that I immediately said, “Good Job!”

He looked at me expectantly for a few more seconds. And then his face fell.

“Ugh. That’s what you always say!” he said, and he snatched his paper out of my hands, obviously disappointed.

“But,” I stammered, “I really think you did a great job!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” he muttered as he walked away dejected.

I felt like the carpet had been pulled out from under my feet. Here I was thinking that I’d been encouraging my son. Apparently though, “good job” wasn’t the way to go.

This is not the case in just our house. Research has shown consistently that generic praise like “good job” may actually do more harm than good.

There is even research which suggests praising children on how they did can cause your child to instinctively reject the praise or, even worse yet, deliberately do the opposite. If they don’t believe they did a good job, having you say “good job” means nothing. Children result in feeling manipulated to perform and they will rebel against the manipulation.

Too much “good job” praise from parents can also cause children to lose their internal motivation. They achieve only to receive approval from you and not because they are interested in what they are learning or feel good about succeeding. This creates adults who are unable to find satisfaction because they don’t have practice in feeling what makes them satisfied.

So, if we are to avoid blanket praise like “good job”, what can we say instead that will show our kids we really are proud of them and impressed by their achievement? How can we offer our kids positive encouragement?

[Read more…]

How to Deal with a Defiant Child
(And Reduce Future Defiance!)

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

How to Deal with a Defiant Child - Main PosterHere’s a question for you.

When you think of the character traits you want your child to have when they grow up, what are they?

Everyone is a little different, but most people want their children to be resilient, independent, and self-assured. We also want them to be compassionate, kind and caring, and a range of other things too.

But the important thing is that we want our children to grow up to be able to stand on their own two feet. To be able to bounce back after life throws them a curve ball, and to be confident in their own beliefs.

No one ever wants their kids to grow into compliant, obedient or submissive adults. Why would we?

And yet, we wish they’d be more compliant – and less defiant – when they’re young.

We want them to be obedient.

We want them to do as we ask and listen when we speak.

We don’t want them to fight back.

Ironic, isn’t it?

Here’s the thing though… I get it!

I am a mom, too. At the end of a busy day, when I am weary to my bones, all I want is a little cooperation from my kids. On those days, nothing sets me off quite like defiance. I want to either tame it down and gain back control or hide in a quiet corner and silently weep.

Is there a better option though?

Is there some way for me to deal with a defiant child without trying to break her spirit, or letting it grate on my nerves?

Here’s what I’ve found.

[Read more…]

100 Simple Ideas for Parents to be Playful and Silly with Kids

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(This article is part of the Positive Parenting FAQ series. Get free article updates here.)

100 simple ideas for playful parentingDoes being playful and silly come naturally to you?

It didn’t to me. Not at first. I’m getting better at it now though.

My children are all very active and full of energy. Their extreme enthusiasm made me more serious, as I felt the need to maintain balance in the family to prevent things from descending into chaos.

But a while ago, we suffered a loss in our family, and it truly reminded me how short life is. And the way “normal” life got turned upside down by the COVID-19 situation further drove this home.

I have made it my personal goal to enjoy life as much as possible and to cut loose with my kids as best as I can.

We do have an important job in shaping our children, but I want to have fun while doing it.

I made a list to help me transition from that serious mama to a more silly, playful mama. And over time, I kept adding to that list. Today, I added a few last ones to round it up to the nice “100” number and I’m sharing it with you.

I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me!

No Matter What Age Your Kids Are…

This first section of ideas should work no matter what age your kids are –

  1. Have water fights. You can do this in the bathroom during your daily routine or go all out with water guns and drench each other on the front lawn.
  2. Let your child give you a makeover. They can do your hair, make up, and even paint your nails.
  3. Jump in leaves together.
  4. Have a dance off between you and your children – no special occasion necessary.
  5. Alternately, dance your difficult emotions away. Whenever you or your child is angry or upset, grab them and start dancing.
  6. See who can make the loudest noises with their armpits. Or fake farts. Or burps. A little gross, but believe me, almost every child loves this!
  7. Jump on the trampoline together.
  8. Cook/bake together and don’t worry about the mess. That’s half the fun!
  9. When done, sing the cleanup song in a whacky tone (if you have little ones) or pop in a favorite CD (with bigger kids) and have fun cleaning up the mess together.
  10. Play in the rain together. [Read more…]